Chronicles of Ed
by The Popcorn Fairy
Summary: Teleported by some twist of fate to the faraway world of two moons, the Eds and their friends find themselves thrust into an epic journey full of monsters, magic, dragons, and a diabolical force beyond their imagination. As if their imagination wasn't wild enough.
1. The Peach Vale Voyagers

A/N: SAY WHAAAAAT?! What's Nat doing back on this godforsaken website?! :O

Well, I had a sudden combined burst of creative inspiration, nostalgia, and D&D withdraw, so I started writing a good old-fashioned EEnE fantasy story on a whim. And yeah, it kind of spiraled out of control into this whole thing. So here I am, back in the saddle, posting this fluff for all to see. Here's to hoping we can have some fun with it.

Quick heads-up. This story will prominently feature a few fan characters, most notably my hyper sci-fi geek North and Swift's April Ludgate knockoff Demi. If that bothers you, I'm sorry, but I already wrote them into the first couple of chapters.

Anyway, enough wasting time on my rambles. Let's waste some time on the story! ONWARD!

* * *

**CHRONICLES OF ED**

**Chapter 1: The Peach Vale Voyagers**

The last light of day had dipped beneath the horizon, shrouding Peach Creek in a dense black veil. Rain poured from the overcast sky with a pounding fervor, the din of dripping water striking every surface punctuated by distant rumbles of thunder. The only light to be seen came from the street lamps, each one projecting little more than an orange haze that just barely penetrated the fog, as well as the occasional white flash of lightning peeking through the clouds. It seemed that the town had fallen asleep, hiding away from the storm.

A select few windows were still alight along the humble cul-de-sac of Rethink Avenue, and at least a few residents were still up and about within. Perhaps a few of them were enjoying the ambiance of the rain, relaxing with a book, watching TV in spite of the storm… simply giving themselves a moment to unwind before their day came to an end.

Things were not so calm in one such house. As the light shone through the narrow basement window, tensions were rising below...

Ed stared at each of his friends in turn, teeth gritted, eyes wide with anxiety, sweat pouring from his brow, body barely able to keep still. He could sense that something was terribly wrong, and it was eating him up inside to wonder what it was.

Edd exchanged a worried glance with the oaf. One hand flew to his forehead while the other clutched a handful of papers, his pinprick pupils flicking about as they scanned the documents. He did not like the numbers, especially with the situation deteriorating the way it was.

Jonny bit his lip and stared ahead with an overwhelming sense of dread. He wanted to remain optimistic about the situation, but everything on the line told him that the worst was yet to come. This could go wrong in so many ways.

Demi gripped her fists and narrowed her eyes. Her blood was boiling with anticipation. Everyone knew that trouble was on the horizon, but she was too bound and determined to be scared. By this point, all she wanted was to know for sure what they had coming for them.

North took a deep breath, his expression cold and dire. He looked at Ed, then Edd, then Jonny, then Demi. His eyes flicked downward as he steeled his nerves, preparing for the worst. This was it. The event horizon. No turning back now.

Thunder cracked in the far distance. Static rippled through the air.

"Something's out there. Something _big_." North's narrow gaze flicked about the room, occasionally landing on one of his companions. "It's hard to tell what it is in the dark, with the storm clouding so many senses. But it's out there. That much can't be debated."

An apprehensive whine escaped Ed's throat. He looked up at the ceiling in fright. "What if it's a _dragon,_ guys?"

"Ed…" Edd raised his hands in an effort to calm his companion down, despite his own shattered nerves. "Perhaps we shouldn't… jump to conclusions."

"Yeah, Ed, don't tempt fate!" Jonny insisted, fiercely gripping the edge of the table.

"I'm not scared of no dragon. I eat scarier things for breakfast," Demi muttered in her typical monotone. Despite her casual demeanor, it was telling how high the tension in the room was when not even Edd commented on her double negative.

"Shh!" North held his hand out, directing the focus back to him. He nervously examined their environment, briefly biting his lip. "It knows you're here. The subtle ambiance of the rain becomes rhythmic as a force just outside your line of sight beats against it. Vibrations course through the stone beneath your feet. The wet, dank smell of the chamber becomes stuffy. The smell of ozone steadily becomes overwhelming."

"I knew it!" Ed hollered, straightening up in his seat, his eyebrow shooting up with fretful electricity. "It's a dragon!"

"Will ya quit yer yelling over there?!"

The quintet's attention momentarily shifted to their sixth guest. Eddy was lounging on Ed's bed, a comic in his hands, an irritated frown directed right at them. After a quick round of sighs and awkward looks, the group at the table returned to their business while Eddy rolled his eyes and buried his nose in the pages again.

Jonny raised a hand. "So what are we seeing here?"

"Peering through your only window to the outside world…" North continued ominously, "…against the endless grey of the stormy night, a black shape is approaching."

"NOT A BLACK DRAGON!"

"We are so screwed, guys!"

"Bring it on already!"

"Fellows, please, let him finish!"

North nodded to Edd, then he cast a dour glare at the table. "For one fleeting moment, all the noise in the world seems to be muffled. A dark shroud covers the sky, the rain silently sliding off in a blinding mist. And then… you hear it… _**HHHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!**_"

Almost everyone lurched in their chairs as North rocketed out of his, eyes closed and fists clenched as he roared at the top of his lungs. He raised a hand. He slammed it down on the table. When he pulled it away, he revealed a large, intricate game piece staring down the four smaller ones already set in place.

"The ground shakes and the air is filled with the stench of sulfur as you find the cavernous entryway blocked by an enormous _red dragon!_"

"_AAH!_ RED! RED DRAGON BAD FOR ED!"

"Oh dear, oh dear, I don't have the armor for an encounter of this nature!"

"SO SCREWED! _SO_ SCREWED!"

"I glare daggers at the beast like I'm its mama ready to deliver a _whoopin'!_"

North leaned over the table with a maniacal grin, affecting a deep, gravelly voice. "'Fools. Thieves. Filthy _vermin!_ You have the gall to intrude upon the domain… of the great Voarexinuthrax?!'"

"'You're the one who left the door open, chump,'" Demi flatly retorted.

"'Oh, mighty red wyrm!'" Edd pleaded to the little red figurine in a ridiculously faux English accent, simultaneously progressing the story and admiring North's craftsmanship. "'I assure you we had no intention of pilfering any of your treasures. We are but humble travelers attempting to cross the mountains, seeking shelter from the storm.'"

"'It's no use, my friend!'" Ed declared in the barely-altered voice of his warrior character. "'Red dragons cannot be bargained with!' I draw my sword! 'There is only one way out! Tonight we fly or die!'"

"Heck yeah, bring it on," Demi insisted, snatching up her d20. "'Bout time we saw some actual dragons in this game."

"Oh boy, this is happening!" Jonny piped up, simultaneously excited and scared as all get out.

"'You would raise your blade to _me,_ little one?'" North snarled through a toothy smile, following this up with a low, rumbling chuckle. "'Your friend is wise to beg. It would seem the rest of you haven't the brains to comprehend the challenge you're in for. Well, if it's a fight you want, then give me your best! It's been centuries since I had a fair fight!'"

And with that, North gave the party a knowing nod. "Roll initiative!"

Demi's die was already rolling halfway through the command. Likewise, Ed scooped up his d20 and chucked it across the table with entirely too much flair and a mighty cry of "SHABANG!"

"Ed, I keep telling you not to be so forceful when rolling your dice!" Edd lectured as he followed suit in a much less dramatic manner. "Don't you remember what happened during our first session?"

"It's okay, Double D!" Jonny cheerfully offered. "The bruises finally went away earlier this week."

"Natural twenty!" Ed decreed, raising a fist with triumph as if this had been an attack roll and not an initiative count. "I shall be the first to strike yonder monster with my mighty blade! Do not pass go! Do not collect two hundred dollars!"

"Oh, brother…" As the action started kicking into high gear, Eddy could only grumble under his breath. He wasn't sure why he kept coming over for these Lizards & Wizards sessions. He had no interest in actually playing; he felt like a big enough geek simply acknowledging the game's existence. Maybe it was his natural apprehension towards being left out, but if he was just going to sit on the sidelines anyway, he was starting to wonder why he didn't just do it at his own house with his own magazines. At least they didn't contain the same kind of fantasy drivel he was actively attempting to avoid. Stupid Ed and his stupid comic books…

Lowering the printed nonsense away from his eyes a few inches, Eddy glared down at the foot of the bed, acknowledging his fellow wallflower. Ever since Jonny joined the campaign, Plank started hanging around by extension. Like Eddy, though, Plank never got directly involved in the game, instead sitting propped up against the wall with his vacant, crayon-etched eyes staring into an open novel. According to Jonny, Plank reasoned that if indulging in fairy tales meant trusting beloved characters to a dice roll, then it wasn't worth expending his imagination on. Eddy never thought he would see the day when he and the hunk of wood agreed on something.

No one else in the group would be swayed by Eddy and Plank's defiance, of course. Ed and North were already such cloudcuckoolanders that they naturally jumped on the Lizards & Wizards hype train in a heartbeat. Edd was enough of a nerd to pick up on the mechanics of the game, and eventually what started out as an attempt to appease Ed somehow turned into genuine enjoyment. Jonny… well, much like Ed and North, he was already an oddball, so seeing him pretending to be a magical forest gnome wasn't especially surprising. It was a little strange at first to see cynical, grim, deadpan snarker Demi join the campaign, but given this game's penchant for monster goring, she fit right in with the boys in no time.

And so there Eddy sat every Sunday night, watching from across the room, wondering what these dweebs –the "Peach Vale Voyagers," as they called themselves– were getting so worked up about. It wasn't like they were being cornered by a real dragon. There wasn't even a life-sized model to interact with. They were rolling dice and issuing commands at a three-inch game piece sitting on a table, counting down the numbers and biding their time until North decreed that the monster was vanquished.

An hour of theater-of-the-mind combat felt like several in Eddy's head…

"Edvard, you're up!" North announced.

"Great Mage Edvard!" Ed gleefully proclaimed. "How best to strike down this archnemesis of all fire trucks?!"

"Oh, gracious, I have so few spell points left following that encounter with the goblins…" Edd fretted, looking over his character sheets once more.

"Just do a charm, save the bigger stuff," Demi suggested with a limp shrug. "That's what I do."

"Very well," Edd agreed, conducting a quick scan of his spell list before finalizing his decision. He inched his playing piece a few squares forward, then announced, "I cast Proper Offense upon the dragon, so that I may attack with advantage upon my next turn. Then I'm going to retreat back behind this corner."

"Smart boy," North conceded, tapping his head. "That brings us back to the top of the round! Edmundus!"

"YOUR MOTHER IS A HAMSTER!" Ed hollered as he rolled to attack. He leaned two inches over the die as soon as it came to a halt in the center of the table, spending a good ten seconds just trying to do the counting in his head. Then he cheerfully sat up straight again and declared, "Natural one!"

"Ouch."

"Ed, that's a ten on the die," Edd graciously corrected the oaf. "With your attack modifier, this means you rolled a nineteen."

"Ohhh, that's better, right?" Ed naively questioned.

"_Significantly_ better."

"Yeah, you just barely hit him!" North laughed. "What kinda damage you dealing this time?"

"Keep rollin' rollin' rollin'!" Ed chimed as he gathered his hit dice, tossed them high into the air and let them rain all over the room, much to Edd's continued protest and Jonny and Demi's amusement, vocal and silent respectively.

"ACK-!" Even Eddy was not safe from the hail of dice in his anti-nerd zone, rubbing his head where an errant d6 struck him. "Watch where you're throwin', Sir Lumps-a-Lot!"

"Sorry, Eddy!" North warily offered as he scrambled about to help Demi collect the fallen dice. By this point, a common practice of the campaign was to tally up Ed's attack rolls regardless of where the dice fell. "This one's a six!"

"Five… three…" Demi set the dice down on the table, taking care to set them upright in the position she found them in, rerolling the single die that landed on a one as was the standard practice of Ed's character class.

Ed was bouncing in his seat with anticipation. "What'd I get, what'd I get?!"

"I count eighteen."

"Totalled to twenty-three!" Edd concluded, marking down this latest addition to their foe's damage tally. Another standard practice was for Edd to keep track of enemy hit points. On top of him being able to do faster math in his head, it kept their Grand Wizard from having too many things to focus on. "This dragon has accrued two hundred and twenty-three points of damage."

"And he is _still_ standing!" North laughed, half impressed, half diabolically.

Ed let out a stiff grunt and clenched a fist. "'Your donuts are numbered, Venom-anthrax! Prepare to meet your maker!'"

"Oy vey…" Eddy fell back and let his head plop atop Ed's oily, crusty pillow.

"We come to Drusilla!" North exclaimed, turning to face Demi. "What do you do?"

Demi smirked and rolled her d20 around in her palm. "I'ma shoot him with another Vile Blast."

"How did I see that coming?" North chuckled.

Eddy rolled his eyes at the ceiling. Even _he_ saw that coming. If he had a quarter for every time Demi said "Vile Blast," he could buy the whole candy store and still have enough money to retire.

Two attack rolls later, Demi nodded to North and prepared her hit dice. "Dirty twenty and twenty-one."

"Both hit!" North declared. "You strike the dragon's face with two unworldly blasts of force!"

"He takes thirteen points of it."

"Man, you're on a roll tonight, girl. He's still up. Jedwick, we come to you!"

Jonny eagerly raised a fistful of dice. "I call upon the raw forces of the storm and summon lightning! This fella needs to make an agility save!"

"_Ni-hi-hice!_" North laughed, giving his own d20 a toss, pausing to scrutinize the tiny number the die landed on and do the quick math in his head. Numbers were at least a little easier on his dyslexic brain than letters were. "Uh… Fourteen! That does not make it, right?"

"Right!"

"Well, he's gonna expend his last Mighty Endurance to make that a success."

"Ahh, you stinker," Jonny sighed dejectedly, rolling his hit dice. "Well, he still takes half of… ten, eleven… twelve points of lightning!"

While Edd added six more points to their total damage, North prepared to roll for the dragon. "First let's see if his breath weapon recharges…"

A quick glance at the die and a wily smirk told the players everything they needed to know.

"Let's see… Edmundus, Jedwick and Drusilla, he's gonna breathe a cone of fire at all three of you! Gimme some agility saves!"

The three targeted players made their saving throws, announcing them in turn. Ed failed ("Oh no, extra crispy!"), Jonny and Demi succeeded. Once North rolled for damage, he couldn't help but let out a low snicker and cast the others a coy grin. "You guys are _so_ lucky. Ed, you take twenty-seven points of fire damage, Jonny and Demi take thirteen."

"Oh boy, guys, I'm looking rough and I'm outta potions!" Jonny warily stated, looking over his character's now single-digit hit points.

"'You call that a fire?'" Demi snidely spoke on behalf of her witch. "'I've seen hotter fires spat in the theater.'"

"_Snrk…_" What? No, Eddy didn't laugh at that. Of course he didn't. He wasn't even involved in the game.

"'You deign to mock me, lowly drow?!'" the dragon growled through North's gravelly impression. "'Every word you speak serves only to extend the pain and suffering of your demise!' Edvard, back to you!"

"Well, seeing as how I have attack advantage this round and am well within range for this particular spell without the need to compromise my safety," Edd stated, picking up his d20, "I choose to expend my last remaining level two spell point and cast Acidic Arrow."

"Do it, Double D!" Ed was on the edge of his seat as he watched Edd's die clatter across the table twice.

Edd, on the other hand, was very visibly nerve-wracked. "First roll is a three… and…"

Once the second roll landed, however, Edd was struck with wide-eyed shock that quickly spread to most of the other players. "Natural twenty!"

"WHOO! DOUBLE D!"

"RIGHT ON!" Jonny was astounded by the odds. "Double D gets that sweet, sweet double damage!"

"Yeah, man, roll those 4d4!" North squealed with an equal amount of joy. It wasn't often that Edd got a chance to attack with this level of fervor.

Against his better judgment, Eddy craned his neck and looked up to watch Edd plop his little numbered triangle on the table four times. He still had no idea how people actually _rolled_ that die. It looked less suited for tumbling across a flat surface than it did creating a hazard for some hapless sucker's bare foot.

"Now let's see…" Edd counted up the damage dealt by his attack with each toss of the die. To his continued awe, even these numbers were coming out strong. "Four… seven… ten… fourteen points of acid damage, bringing the total to… two hundred and fifty-six!"

North's jaw dropped, completely stupefied. Then he let out an airy chuckle. "Oh my Lord… Double D, you wanna describe it?"

A mile-wide smile spread across Ed's face. He knew _exactly_ what that meant. "DOUBLE D SLAYED THE DRAGON!"

"AWW YEAH!" Jonny very nearly fell out of his chair as he reeled back in a joyous jump.

"Oh, gracious!" Edd had quite clearly not seen that coming. Rarely did he deliver the killing blow, and he certainly hadn't anticipated concluding a battle against a _dragon_ of all things. Once he got over the initial surprise, the early celebration did start to rub off on him, prompting the youth to smile and conjure up an elaborate scene for his cohorts…

"Well then… From behind the stony barricade, Edvard feels the heat of the dragon's magnificent fiery breath. He watches and waits… and then, as the wall of flames separating him from his dear companions dissipates, he leaps into the clearing, his ornate visage visible to the great wyrm for little more than a split second. With practiced ease, Edvard weaves his spell, and with a wide swing of his arm, he flings this ethereal, acidic projectile through the open air. It plunges deep into the dragon's throat. Smoke billows from the wound and the dragon's open maw as he unleashes a bloodcurdling roar of agony, every fiber of its being alight with searing, caustic pain. He stumbles back, his muscles gradually going numb, his shriek lessening into a mere sickly gargle."

_Sheesh…_ "Overkill" was not a word Eddy generally used to describe Edd's flowery vocabulary, but this was really pushing it.

"At last, with the titanic force of a felled ancient sequoia, the dragon collapses onto the cave floor. A final puff of smoke erupts from his mouth as he chokes out his last breath. And then… all goes still and quiet."

Granted, the awestruck silence didn't last for long.

"_HUZZAAAAAH!_" Ed launched onto his feet, his arms raised with triumph, his chair clattering across the concrete floor. "DEFEATED IS THE DRAGON!"

"GOOD GOLLY, WE DID IT, GUYS!" Jonny raised a hand himself, silently awaiting the high-fives, eventually receiving one from Edd. "AND NO ONE EVEN DROPPED TO ZERO!"

"Well, _yeah._ 'Cause we're ballers," Demi chided, leaning against the table with a coy, satisfied smirk.

"Well done, ladies and gents!" North chimed in, folding his arms and smiling at the players. "You've defeated the dreaded red dragon Voarexinuthrax and reached Level 10!"

"_GRAVY!_" Ed was immediately sitting again, hardly deterred by the fact that he missed his relocated chair altogether and instead plopped onto the floor. All he cared about was updating his warrior's character sheet. "We are un_stamp_able, guys!"

"It is a marvel that we were able to accomplish the feat of conquering an adult red dragon at Level 9…" Edd agreed. "North, you certainly have a penchant for thrusting the most daunting tasks at us."

"Hey, that just makes it more rewarding when you win, right?"

"Yeah!" Eddy sat up and offered the group a somewhat aggravated grin. "Makes ya wish having a social life was that easy, huh?"

Edd let out a beleaguered sigh. "Eddy…"

"You're still here?" Demi intoned, raising an eyebrow at Eddy. "I thought you left like five minutes ago. You don't have to keep taking up space if you're not gonna try to have fun."

"_Demi…_"

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Staples!" Eddy retorted. "Excuse me for not wanting to prance around in your fairytale world!"

"Oh boy, here we go again…" Jonny mumbled anxiously, already packing away his books and papers in anticipation of the session's abrupt ending. Likewise, Ed looked up from his character sheet and warily glanced at each of his friends; even he could sense the growing tension.

"Guys, guys, _chill,_" North anxiously insisted, raising his hands. "We've been over this. Eddy doesn't have to play if he doesn't want to."

"And I don't need _you_ defending me!" Eddy continued to shout, pointing at the bespectacled young man. "You don't see anyone here getting up in arms because the hunk of wood doesn't wanna play!"

"Yeah, well, Plank doesn't constantly antagonize us about it either," Demi flatly stated.

"Fellows, _please._" Edd stood up and asserted himself, frowning at his bickering cohorts. "Must we argue about this every weekend? Eddy, I understand that you feel left out. I can empathize with that. But that's no excuse to spoil everyone else's enjoyment. Likewise, Demi, we needn't put Eddy down simply for his lack of interest."

To that, Demi merely shrugged.

"It'd be really fun if you _did_ wanna play, Eddy," Ed meekly offered, hugging his character sheet to his chest and offering Eddy a big, cheesy grin. "You'd like it! You could be a hunter or a mage or a knight or…"

"Or a thief!" Jonny gladly suggested. "You'd make a pretty good thief, I'd say!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Eddy questioned skeptically, only slightly joking about it.

"Er… Well…" Jonny sunk in his seat, acknowledging the foot he had firmly planted in his mouth. "It's just… the thief class is really neat and… you could probably do some cool things with it."

Eddy folded his arms and lowered his chin a few inches. "Call me a party pooper if ya want, but if I'm gonna spend my Sunday night pretending I'm in some magical fantasy world, I think tossing dice around and doing a whole bunch of number-crunching would kinda kill the vibe for me. Isn't fantasy supposed to help us _not_ think about math?"

"I can understand your reservations, Eddy." Edd stepped closer to his friend sitting on the bed, his expression gentle. "It could be quite enthralling if you were to participate, but we would think no less of you if you relinquished your role as a spectator and spent your evening elsewhere. We don't want you to believe we're excluding you out of spite. After all, we have every other day of the week to enjoy our summer alongside you."

"I guess…" Eddy breathed with a limp shrug. "I don't get why _you're_ so into this wizard business, though. Didn't you once call this game… Purell drivel or whatever?"

"Oh, oh!" Ed piped up, still a few paragraphs behind on the conversation. "You could be a minstrel! That's what North is when he's not the Grand Wizard!"

"But then what would North play as?" Jonny laughed, tactfully avoiding the drama.

"He'd be a minstrel! Eddy would be a minstrel! _Everyone_ would be a minstrel! Minstrel party, let's go!"

"Pfft… I am completely okay with that," North snickered as he idly stuffed his books and binders into his backpack.

Edd let out a deep sigh. "Yes, I acknowledge my initial notions towards Lizards & Wizards, but even now that I am an active participant, I am mentally grounded enough not to let the realms of imagination rule my everyday life. The fact of the matter is… it is entertaining to indulge in fiction every now and then. To leave behind the cares and concerns of the real world and pretend to be something greater than yourself. We used to do that all the time, Eddy."

Eddy frowned. "Yeah, but we didn't sit around a table and let books decide how long it would take until the pretend bad guys had enough."

"_My point being…_ I play this game so that I may engage in jovial childlike whimsy while I still have the opportunity. After all…" Edd rubbed his neck and cast a dismal frown at the floor. "…within mere weeks, we will begin our voyage across that ever-important final bridge towards adulthood, and our focus will naturally be drawn away from such juvenile endeavors."

"Yeah…" Eddy's head dropped and a similarly anxious grimace crossed his face. Summer was nearing its end all too quickly, signaling the approach of their freshman year of high school. Taking this into consideration, Eddy genuinely found himself agreeing with Edd's admission of wanting to feel young and free for a little while longer.

North nodded to the duo and cleared his throat, if only to remind them that he and the others were still there. "Can't really fault ya for that kind of thinking. Everyone has to grow up, but that doesn't mean you have to completely stop being a kid."

"Very true, North," Edd agreed.

"Not in _my_ house," Demi grunted, absent-mindedly dropping her dice one-by-one into their case. "My dad sucks all the childlike wonder out of anything fun with all his science jargon."

"Well, your dad's a big ol' grumpy grump!" Ed insisted.

"No argument here."

The new topic at hand earned an actual chuckle out of Eddy. "I dunno, it sounds like he'd get along great with science guy Sockhead."

Edd smirked back at him, responding to the tease with a healthy dose of sarcasm. "Are you suggesting I'm not fun?"

"For trying to explain your enjoyment of fantasy in a non-fantastical way, yes, Professor Double-bore!"

It was a typical jab from Eddy, one that Edd was well accustomed to after all these years. All he could do was respond to it with a small laugh.

"And speaking of, Staples, isn't your dad trying to, like… invent portals or something? Sounds like fantasy to me!"

"Portals?" Ed's head snapped up, eyes wide and completely mystified by the suggestion.

"That's my point," Demi bluntly replied. "Portals _should_ be fun, but he makes them _not_ fun."

"I dunno…" North mused, leaning back in his chair with a finger to his chin. "I may not be fluent in techno-babble, but I could see some real scientific potential in teleportation."

"Oooooh…!" Jonny was enthralled despite Demi's sour tone, stepping away from the table and picking up Plank. "Imagine if he got it working! You could go anywhere you wanted! Wouldn't it be cool to take a portal to Yosemite or Yellowstone, just like that?! Even _you_ couldn't object to that notion, huh, Plank?"

"It _would_ be intriguing, breaking the boundaries of space in such a manner," Edd agreed, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Conducting instantaneous transport between two non-parallel locations… A complicated venture with little documented evidence to support its plausibility, but an interesting one to be sure. I was surprised when I first heard that the Peach Creek National Laboratory was attempting such an accomplishment, but I've learned very little on the matter. Father speaks infrequently of the research he conducts or the projects they engage in there."

"Well, sorry for not informing ya," Demi mumbled. "I didn't feel like talking about it."

"But just think of the places we'd go!" Ed excitedly insisted, joining in Jonny's elation. "Imagine a portal to another _world! _An alternate universe! A world of elves and orcs, where everyone uses magic, sprites play in the mystical forests, and dragons soar through the wide-open skies!"

"Hm…" Demi's eyebrow perked a few millimeters.

"Heck…" North was already on board with the portal concept, but his eyes were lighting up at the idea of a realm beyond their own. "That would be so _cool!_ Real magic? Real dragons? A real adventure for the Peach Vale Voyagers! That beats _my_ fanfiction!"

Edd was thoroughly amused by his friends' quixotic suggestions, but nonetheless took it upon himself not to let the fantasizing go too far. "Perhaps it's best to contemplate one scientific achievement at a time. Successful instant transport from one point on Earth to another would already be a revolutionary feat, never mind crossing boundaries between potential alternate realms."

"Geez, Double D," Demi grumbled, slumping her cheek against her fist. "The guys were finally starting to get me excited about this project, then ya go and spoil it again."

Eddy laughed out loud at the punk girl's complaint. "If _that's_ excited, I'd hate to be the one to hold you back if you get ecstatic!" He finally leaped off the bed and stood up, taking a moment to stretch and brush off whatever crumbs or dander he'd been lying in. "Besides, let's get real here. Even if this portal _could_ take you to some alternate fantasy world, none of you guys would last a day there!"

"Says you!" Ed retorted. "I am a noble warrior trained in the arts of the sword, shield, bow and finger paint, thank you very much!"

"Ed, you're trained in the art of rolling dice and describing how you would beat something up! Some good _that'll_ do ya in a real swordfight! Have you ever even _seen_ a real sword?"

"Sometimes Dad gets a sword in his drink."

"What about my wilderness survival merit badge? And Plank's herbology badge?" Jonny proudly offered. "Those skills would come in handy in a medieval forest!"

Eddy smirked and folded his arms. "Oh, I didn't know the Urban Rangers taught how to defend yourself from ogres!"

"Rolf's teaching methods are _very_ thorough."

"Eddy does have a point," Edd admitted, bashfully rubbing his neck. "Roleplaying is a far cry from genuine medieval warfare or even day-to-day life. Not only would the culture be radically disparate, but the dangers inherent would be unlike anything we are accustomed to, be they local wildlife, brutal confrontations, or even radical ideologies that seem beyond our comprehension of morality. Members of such a society would likely be indoctrinated in the arts of swordplay and the arcane from a young age for the sake of surviving in this potentially hostile realm. These are skills that would be a remarkable challenge to grasp for youths like us who grew up in a comparatively more comfortable environment."

The room grew tensely silent. No one was looking at Edd, having averted their gazes in varying levels of discomfort. Ed stared distraught at the tabletop grid. Eddy tightened his folded arms and scowled at nothing in particular. Jonny exchanged a sad glance with Plank. North unconsciously rubbed his cheek. Demi leaned over the table and blew her bangs out of her face.

Quickly realizing the severe damper he had put on the mood, Edd hastily attempted a rebound. "But this is all hypothetical, of course! At the very least, we can all enjoy the idealistic immersion of fantasy roleplay and take joy in masquerading as the heroes of an epic tale, can't we?"

"Yeah, but…" North stood up, mustered a smile, and lightly elbowed Edd's arm. "Imagine what it would be like to use _real_ magic! Not just pretending that you're shooting ethereal projectiles out of your hand, but actually bending the will of reality to your whims!"

Edd let out a stiff chuckle and gently patted North's shoulder. "Let's not dwell _too_ heavily on escapism, shall we? If we reach too high on these flights of fancy, we'll never want to come back down."

"Ah, lighten up, Sockhead." Eddy perked back up just enough to throw an arm around Edd's shoulders and shoot him a smirk. "Leave it to you to overthink fun. We're just messin' with each other like we always do! We get it. It's not like we're ever gonna leave this boring, non-magical life we live. Doesn't mean we can't ask what if."

"Yeah!" Jonny poked his and Plank's heads between Edd and North. "Plank may not be keen on L&W, but he's not wrong when he says that flights of fancy aren't always a bad thing!"

Eddy rolled his eyes. "Of _course_ the hunk of wood would believe that."

"Well…" With a subtle, deadpan grin, Demi stood up and weaseled her way into the group huddle. "You guys can overthink this all you want, as long as I can spend my evenings pretending to brutalize something and still have people who give a darn about me."

"Aw, _we_ give a darn about ya!" Ed cheered, joining the group and promptly wrapping his arms around all of them, heedless of anyone's reactions to his body odor. "We're the Peach Vale Voyagers! Together, no dragon or giant or income tax stands a chance against us!"

"Ya got that right, Ed!" North cheered in return.

Edd paused to catch his breath to the best of his ability, subsequently blocking off his nose and letting out a small giggle. "Yes, very good. I apologize for complicating matters. As long as we're having fun, I suppose I have no room to complain."

"Not in _this_ lug's arms, ya don't!" Eddy wheezed, squirming out of Ed's inhumanly strong hug. "Sheesh! You'd think we'd be used to the smell by now, like we are with your constant monologues!"

"I suppose it's worth taking comfort in the long-standing truth that some things never really change."

"_HEY!_"

The jovial atmosphere was soundly interrupted by a high-pitched shout from just outside Ed's room. Even through the closed door, Sarah's voice was as thunderous as the storm. "Are you nerds almost done down there?! We've had a car honking at us from our driveway for twenty minutes!"

"Er, that's probably my mom…" North nervously intoned as he and the rest of the gang were dropped back onto their feet. "Sorry, Sarah!"

"Well, guys, tonight was a real blast!" Jonny happily decreed, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. "Looking forward to what the rest of this crossing will entail!"

"Oh, you better be," North teased as he folded up his divider and packed it away with the rest of his materials. "Anyone want a ride home? I'm sure Mom won't mind."

"Given this torrid summer rain, that would be greatly appreciated," Edd agreed.

"Yeah, thanks," Eddy grunted, sticking his hands in his pockets and smiling at the floor with reserved uncertainty. He hated to admit it, but all this talk about playing games and escaping reality while they were still young had gotten to him. The part of him that was tired of being left out of his friends' fun was gradually starting to overpower the part of him that disregarded these endeavors as kiddie nonsense. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, but…

"Uh… So hey, guys… If it'll getcha to stop nagging me about it, I… could maybe give this game a shot. Try a round, see how I like it."

North looked over his shoulder with a hushed but chipper grin. "Really?"

"YES! YES, EDDY'S GONNA JOIN THE PARTY!" Ed hollered gleefully, picking Eddy up in another embrace that once more squeezed the air out of his companion's lungs.

"Well, I'd be willing to come up with a one-shot for next week if you just wanna do a test run," North offered, already on board with this idea. "Would you guys be cool with that?"

"Yeah, totally!" Jonny agreed.

Demi shrugged. "S'fine."

A warm, knowing smile crossed Edd's face. He nodded once in Eddy's direction. It was indeed comforting to know that their friendship was on that list of things that never changed. "Absolutely."

"Eheh… Great!" Eddy choked uncomfortably through his forced grin. He finally managed a sufficient inhale the moment Ed released him from his bear hug to sort through the piles of books on his desk.

"Here!" Once he'd found the text he was looking for, Ed turned back to Eddy and proudly offered him a Lizards & Wizards Player's Compendium. "This will help you make the bestest adventurer you can be!"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks, Lumpy," Eddy awkwardly grunted, accepting the book with a limp shrug. "But yeah, we better get going before your sister has an aneurysm."

"Smart," North agreed. With the room sufficiently cleaned –as much as it could be, being _Ed's_ room– the Grand Wizard promptly led the way out the door and up the stairs. "See ya later, Ed!"

"Bye, guys!" Jonny chimed, slipping Plank into his backpack as he followed North out of the basement. "Oh, stop whining, ya sourpuss. You wanna get a swollen head from all that rain?"

Demi shifted her bag's strap on her shoulder and silently offered Ed a wave goodbye, earning an exaggerated, full-arm wave from Ed in return before she too disappeared for the night.

Edd and Eddy briefly stopped in the doorway, smiling first at each other, then at Ed. Affecting his character's accent, Edd boldly stated, "Until next we meet, my brothers."

"Farewell to thee, my friends!" Ed decreed, standing up straight and placing his fist against his chest. "And remember! Adventure awaits those with the courage, grit, and maple syrup to seek it!"

"Pfft…" Eddy snickered and shook his head with amusement before beginning his ascent up the stairs. "Idiot… Good night, Ed."

With one last wave, Edd joined Eddy and the rest of the gang on their way, leaving Ed to his own devices for the rest of the evening. Today's adventure, fictitious as it was, had been long and arduous, but the Peach Vale Voyagers plus one were feeling fairly well about themselves despite it, or perhaps because of it. After enduring those battles, they all had earned a long night's rest to prepare them for the journey that awaited them tomorrow.

And oh, what a journey it would be…


	2. Doorways

A/N: Well, like I said, I already had three chapters of this baby finished, so here's the second one. The one where crap gets real.

Props to those who understood all the references in Chapter 1, from Monty Python to Harry Potter. MAJOR props to those who know where the name Lizards & Wizards came from; only true fans will understand that one. Anyway, let's-a go!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Doorways**

_WHUMP_

Ed was slow to rouse from his slumber, drowsily mumbling and smacking his lips, curling inward in a blind search for comfort until the cold finally overwhelmed him. He lazily opened his eyes, staring across the concrete surface he was lying on following his graceless tumble out of bed. After a few seconds spent letting the cobwebs clear from the cogs of his brain, Ed put on a cheery smile. "Good morning, floor."

He swung himself up into a sitting position, yawning and stretching wide enough to give the whole day a big hug. Then he leaped onto his feet and shuffled over to his loveseat, where his standard attire had been left to hang, ready for him to don. "Good morning, chair!"

After properly dressing himself, Ed grinned at the window, soaking in the silver light. Though it had stopped raining, the sky was still overcast from last night's storm. Nonetheless, Ed had a feeling today was going to be a good day. With pep in his step, he strolled towards his door and prepared to greet it, stopping midway when he felt something under his foot…

"Oh! Good morning, Drusilla!"

For a moment, Ed just stared happily at the picture lying underneath his raised foot, taking his time to admire North's artwork of Demi's Lizards & Wizards character that she had graciously decorated her folder with. The folder that she kept her character's information in…

"Oh no!" Concern finally sunk in as Ed picked up the folder and stared at it like it was a nuclear football. "Demi's character sheet! Without it, Drusilla the Darkbound cannot reach Level 10!"

A look of resolve crossed the oaf's face as he tucked the folder under his arm, raised a fist, and marched out of the bedroom and up the stairs. "For the good of the Peach Vale Voyagers and the great Elder Beast Antyo'inushay to whom Drusilla has devoted herself, I, Edmundus Greentoast, must return this sacred text to its rightful owner!"

With his quest at hand, Ed prepared to set out the proper way by first preparing himself breakfast. Upon stepping into the kitchen, the first thing he did was pop some bread in the toaster, followed shortly by him grabbing the orange juice out of the fridge and guzzling down every last drop of what was left in the carton.

Unnoticed at first, Sarah sat at the kitchenette table with a cereal spoon in hand and a raised eyebrow directed at her brother. Seeing Ed so on edge had warranted a break from her Chunky Puffs so she could ponder this unusual sight. "Okay, what did you wake up to find crawling on your bed _today?_"

"No spiders today, baby sister!" Ed replied, raising the folder for her to see. "Our faithful witch is without her character sheet, and it is my duty as a warrior of the ancient code to return it to her!"

"Oh." Sarah lowered her eyebrows and frowned flatly at Ed. The fact that he was so worked up about one of his roleplay friends forgetting their papers or books or whatever was certainly expected, not to mention underwhelming.

"And once I have completed this hearty breakfast, I shall set out at once to complete this task!"

"You can't!"

"Hm?" Ed had just taken a bite of his freshly-buttered toast when Sarah made her objection. "I can't?"

"Jimmy's getting his retainer off today!" Sarah elaborated. "Mom said you're supposed to walk me to the orthodontist's to pick him up! Remember?"

Ed tapped his chin, pondering long and hard about this new –or rather, old and forgotten– information. It was Monday, wasn't it? He vaguely recalled Sarah and Jimmy discussing an appointment of some sort. And just yesterday, Mom did say something about taking a walk, but was she directing that order at Ed or Dad? Either one wouldn't have been surprising.

"Oh yeah!" His fraternal responsibilities did eventually click in Ed's mind, but that didn't deter him from the quest he had placed upon himself. "But Demi needs this to mark down all her Level 10 powers and upgrades!"

"You have a whole week to get ready for your next game!" Sarah insisted with clear annoyance. "We have two hours to pick up Jimmy!"

"But…" Ed didn't know what to say. Arguing with Sarah was like debating ethics with a very aggressive wall. All he could do was sadly stare back and forth between his sister and Demi's folder, unable to decipher the best course of action.

Seeing his internal struggle, Sarah rolled her eyes and let out a loud groan. It was hard to admit, but sometimes Ed could be just as stubborn as her, even if his thickheadedness was chalked up more to unbreakable ignorance than true tenacity. "Alright, look. The place where Demi's dad works is right down the street from Jimmy's orthodontist. We can stop there on our way back if it'll getcha to stop griping. Okay?"

The proposed compromise immediately snapped Ed out of his conundrum. "DEAL!"

* * *

Edd took a deep breath as he stepped out of the bathroom, washed and ready for the day. With one last, adjusting tug at his hat, he strode down the stairs and towards the kitchen. The Monday morning silence did little to deter him. It was business as usual, and the empty house offered him a moment of peaceful reverie before he joined the hubbub of the outside world.

Upon entering the kitchen, Edd's first instinct was to inspect the collage of sticky notes that decorated the walls and cupboards. He had most of these notes memorized, both the instructions written on them and their position in the room. The vast majority simply listed his daily chores, reminders, and occasional parental advice. At first glance, he couldn't find any new sticky notes, though perhaps he would spot something out of the ordinary once his mind and senses had been sharpened by a healthy breakfast.

Before he could reach into the refrigerator, Edd did finally notice a new sticky note plastered on the door, front and center. He respectfully paused to read it to himself…

_Dear Eddward,  
__Your father left some important files on his office desk. Please deliver them to him at work around noon. They are in the manila envelope labeled "AKA 099."  
__~Mother_

Edd sighed and nodded, mentally accepting the duty placed upon him. This wasn't the first time he had been asked to bring something to his father's workplace. It was a bit of a walk to get there, but it was hardly a daunting task. Sometimes he questioned why his mother couldn't simply deliver it herself on her way to her own job, but in all honesty, Edd wasn't especially bothered doing it himself, especially not today. Perhaps this was a prime opportunity to obtain information on the portal project…

* * *

Eddy didn't want to get out of bed. It may have been summer, but as far as he was concerned, Monday was still Monday, and he didn't care to greet it. To his dismay, though, he had been roused earlier than he would've liked by his parents shouting down the hall. He couldn't make out what they were saying, partially out of exhaustion and partially out of his natural instinct to tune them out, but their painfully audible argument was enough to wake him to a point where sleep stubbornly refused to return to him.

Once his father finally left the house, a good half-hour was spent with Eddy simply lying on his back and scowling at the ceiling. He was _really_ getting fed up with the drama that took place under this roof, as if he didn't get enough of it when his brother was still living at home. Yesterday's conversation on fantasy and escapism was still fresh in his mind, and he had to agree with the sentiment now more than ever. What he wouldn't give to get out of this routine…

He wasn't cognizant of the time, but eventually Eddy mustered the willpower to pull himself out of bed and do something proactive. While he was changing his clothes, however, he caught something out of the corner of his eye: the Lizards & Wizards Player Compendium that Ed had lent him, lying atop his desk. For a moment, Eddy simply stared at the book, at the tattered cover that still barely managed to proudly display the image of what he assumed was a warrior and a mage fending off a dragon. Part of him was still in disbelief that he had agreed to look into the roleplaying venture. The other part…

With a low huff, seeking anything that could potentially lift his spirits, Eddy sat down at the desk and started flipping through the pages, idly scanning the titles and artwork until he found a subject that struck his curiosity. The Thief class. The one that Jonny had recommended for him. Eddy stuck to this section for a moment, if only to see what the fuss was about.

So what could a thief do? Sneak Attack seemed like a given, and it had a lot of potential for damage too. Agile Dodge and Circumvention looked useful against attackers. Boy, this class was allowed an insane amount of skills, wasn't it? Probably to make up for its lack of spellcasting abilities outside of certain archetypes. Wait, they could do _what_ at Level 20? Man, this actually kind of looked like fun…!

The sound of a door slamming caught Eddy's ear, followed shortly by that of the other car pulling out of the driveway. Mom must have been going to the store or her book club or whatever it was she did on Monday mornings that he'd lost track of. Fine by him. It saved him a potentially awkward interaction over his breakfast.

Might as well take it a step further and ensure he wasn't around when his parents came home…

* * *

The outside air was thick and muggy, and the roads were slick and outlined with puddles, remnants of the storm the night before. The overcast sky was a powdery grey-blue color, and though the humidity was high, the fog was relatively minimal, just enough that the horizon was obscured, but one could see where they were going.

Edd stepped out his front door, locking it behind him. He paused to take a deep breath of the fresh, earthy smell and the glistening sight of the rain-soaked landscape. He certainly enjoyed the summer sun, but even a grey day such as this was a thing of beauty to the young man. With that sentiment in mind, Edd adjusted the envelope tucked under his arm and started making his way down the driveway, mindful of every water hazard.

Just as he reached the sidewalk, looking over his shoulder at the cul-de-sac behind him, Edd noticed a certain neighbor exiting his own house, his eyes turned in roughly the same direction. For the sake of a friendly greeting, Edd faced his way and called for his attention with a sharp whistle. "Good morning, Eddy!"

As prompted, Eddy came to a halt and glanced across the street, responding to the hailing with a smile and a wave. "Hey, Double D. Where you off to?"

"Mother has instructed me to deliver these documents to Father's workplace," Edd answered, raising the envelope for Eddy to see. "And you?"

Jabbing a thumb towards the top of the cul-de-sac, Eddy replied, "Just dropping by Ed's place. Wanted to ask him something about that game."

"Oh, yes, well…" Edd briefly glimpsed at Ed's house, then turned back to Eddy. "There's a strong chance that he won't be home. If I remember correctly, he's supposed to walk Sarah over to the local orthodontist's office this morning."

"Ah." Eddy stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down the street one more time, then shrugged and crossed the road to join Edd on his side. "Well, 'til he gets back, I'll just stick with you."

"I would certainly appreciate the company!" Edd happily complied, resuming his walk with Eddy now flanking him.

"So…" Eddy scratched his head, straining not to look dumb. "Remind me. What's an orthodontist?"

"An orthodontist is a type of dentist who is specially trained to treat irregularities in the alignment of teeth or jaws."

"Oh, I get it." Eddy smirked as he successfully put two and two together. "So Jimmy's finally getting that choking hazard taken off his face, huh?"

"I'm happy for him," Edd stated, smiling at nothing in particular. "It must have been a hassle to not only keep his retainer properly cleaned, but also to perform the simple tasks of speaking, eating, or even settling into a comfortable position. Now he'll not only have more ease of convenience in his day-to-day routine, but his impeccable smile will make those years of strain worth it!"

"If you say so. There musta been a better way to get those chompers straightened out than to glue a hula hoop to the kid's head."

"That's easy for _you_ to say." Edd's hands secured themselves to his hips. "Need I remind you why Jimmy required his headgear in the first place?"

"_No_ you need _not,_" Eddy bitterly retorted before hastily changing the subject. "So what're you taking to your dad anyway?"

"I'm not entirely certain what these documents detail," Edd admitted, glancing down at the envelope in his hands. "I haven't read any of them for the sake of avoiding classified informatio-!"

With surprising reflexes, easily sensing his companion's mischievous behavior, Edd turned away from Eddy just in time to avoid having the envelope snatched out of his grasp. "And I will _not_ tolerate you snooping around in these files either, thank you!"

"Fine," Eddy grumbled, shoving his sticky fingers back in his pockets. "Probably just a bunch of science mumbo jumbo anyway."

Edd took a deep breath and tucked the envelope under his arm again. "Regardless of the contents within these documents, I am at least hopeful that this venture will open the door to insight on Peach Creek National Laboratory's current ongoing development."

"Oh yeah, the portal thing." Eddy grinned and lightly kicked up a puddle mid-walk. "Wanna see if they've got it up and running so you can finally take that trip to Ed's magical planet?"

After a brief snicker, Edd continued, "If Demi's presumptions towards the nature of this project are true, then color me intrigued. Any progress made within the fields of both transportation and resonance phenomena is bound to be fascinating. If Father permits me, I would very much appreciate the opportunity to inquire about quantum friction."

"Fer the love of…" Eddy had to roll his eyes at all the big words being spat into his ear. "Isn't it summer? Aren't we supposed to be taking a break from learning?"

"We are _always_ learning, Eddy," Edd pompously responded. "Most any opportunity to enrich one's knowledge is well worth engaging. Anything to keep the mind from atrophying."

"I'm starting to regret taking this walk with you."

Edd smirked and shook his head. "Don't be like that, Eddy. If you would allow me this moment to indulge my curiosity, I will gladly join you and Ed in further fantasy adventures afterward."

"Yeah, fine." Eddy smiled back at Edd. Couldn't stay mad at the kid genius for long. "Just promise me that this wizard baloney will all be worth it in the end."

"I can almost guarantee it, Eddy."

* * *

North trudged down the stairs with his empty breakfast plate in hand. The house felt stuffy that morning, more so than the outside humidity should've allowed. This coupled with his mostly sleepless night was making his head uncomfortably heavy with fatigue. He knew he only had himself to blame for the lack of rest, having spent countless hours mapping out a potential one-shot Lizards & Wizards campaign, but still, why was the air so darn stiff?

Deftly avoiding the living room, North slipped into the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. As he stood back up, he was greeted with the answer to his question. The kitchen window was hanging wide open, a fact he had apparently missed while cooking his breakfast in his practically zombified state.

He groaned to himself and slid the window shut, closing off the influx of damp air. How many times had he found the window like this? Why did it have to be opened in even the most unfavorable weather conditions? Did his uncle have no concept of the thermostat, or had North's father simply banned him from touching the device and now he was routinely opening windows to cool off and/or annoy everyone?

Whatever the case was, North was too tired to complain. No one was around to listen anyway.

With that out of the way, North directed his attention to the food and water dishes on the floor in the kitchen corner. He wasn't the only one who needed breakfast. As such, donning a smile, he reached into a cabinet and plucked out a tin of cat food. He peeled off the lid, scooped the food into its dish, then got to work filling up the water bowl.

Partway through the process, North started to get worried. Usually the sound of him opening the can was enough to get Jonesy charging headlong into the kitchen. It wasn't like him to skip out on mealtimes, and taking the open window into consideration, North was quick to assume the worst. It wouldn't have been the first time, after all.

He tried to shake that thought out of his head until proven otherwise, exiting the kitchen to look for Jonesy. A full search of the house was promptly conducted. He wasn't on the litterbox. He wasn't hiding under the basement couch, North's bed, or any piece of furniture for that matter. Not in the office, not in the dining room, and when North's search led him back to the kitchen, he was disappointed to find that the cat hadn't caught up to him there either.

Another groan escaped his throat as he glanced back at the living room couch. He could just barely see his uncle's legs dangling off the side, turned towards the TV as it broadcast one of his crime shows. Oh, how he wished he could have one day without that blight on his life weighing him down.

Once again taking initiative, North retreated back upstairs and into his room. It was clear that Jonesy was not in the house. There was no way of knowing how long he had been gone, and there was way too much ground for North to cover alone. He needed help, and he knew where to find it-

_CLUNK~_

"Ow…!" Stupid mandolin. He needed to find a better place to stow it than up against his bed. Like in the garbage. Why was his mom forcing him to learn how to play this thing anyway?

Ignoring the accursed instrument, North reached under his bed, procuring a box, from which he retrieved a small orange gun and a flare cartridge. He opened his window, then loaded the gun. Sticking his arms outside and at a high angle, he shot the flare into the open air, watching the ball of red light whiz across the grey sky.

* * *

"Okay, okay, but how about this?" Jonny argued as he playfully swung on a tree branch. "What if I designed a campaign based on that book series you've been reading? Would you wanna play then?"

He glanced down at Plank, idly leaning against the tree trunk, offering his nonverbal response.

"You always say you'll 'think about it,' but you always say no by the end!" Jonny complained. "I know you're trying to let me down easy, buddy, but you know what this game means to me. It'd mean a lot if you just tried it. Look at Eddy! He's giving it a shot!"

"..."

"Haha! Yeah, he is kind of a scrub. Whatever that means. But at least he's trying to- WHOA!"

A sudden, blaring noise startled Jonny out of the tree and sent him crashing ungracefully onto the lawn. Pushing past the discomfort in the arm he had landed on, Jonny paused for a moment to be thankful for the fact that one, he hadn't been higher up, and two, he was on the ground and not wedged between two branches again. His focus quickly snapped back to the sound… that of a cow imitating a siren.

"The ranger alarm! C'mon, Plank!"

Jonny quickly scooped up the smiling hunk of wood and darted into his house. In record time, he darted back out, he and Plank now dressed in their Urban Ranger uniforms. Huffing, puffing, never daring to slow down, Jonny scampered across his backyard and leaped the fence, landing in his neighbor's humble farm.

Rolf continued to crank his cow's tail, prompting her to broadcast her beck and call across the cul-de-sac. He watched as Jonny and Plank made their arrival, the former sprinting across the field, skidding to a halt in front of him, and finally pulling himself into the customary Urban Ranger salute. After offering the duo a curt nod, Rolf let the siren ring for another couple of seconds, looking around, waiting and watching. However, when it seemed like no one else was coming, he called off the alarm, dismissed the cow, and jumped straight into action.

"Urban Rangers!" Marching closer to Jonny, arms folded behind his back, Rolf elaborated, "We have been summoned to perform a frisk and recovery mission! Where is Ranger Jimmy?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. Did Jimmy say he was going somewhere today, Plank?" Jonny asked, glancing down at his companion. After giving Plank a moment to speak, Jonny looked back up at Rolf with an affirmative nod. "Oh yeah! He's getting his retainer off today, sir!"

"Ahh, so the delicate one's dental fixture has completed its purpose," Rolf mused, rubbing his chin. "Very good. Rolf will not reprimand Ranger Jimmy for his absence. He already possesses the Feline Rescue badge, after all."

Feline rescue? "Uh-oh. North lose his cat again?"

"It would seem that way," Rolf confirmed. "We will begin our search in the community of industry. Keep a watchful eye and cover your ground, but do not stray far from Rolf's ear."

"Yes, sir!"

With the mission made clear, Rolf stood tall, gripped his fists, and performed an about-face, turning his back to Jonny and placing the two in a straight line. "March!"

With Rolf leading the way, his and Jonny's footsteps in perfect rhythm, the three Urban Rangers paraded out of the farm, down the sidewalk, and towards the industrial district of downtown Peach Creek, ready to carry out their responsibility to their neighbor and friend.

* * *

Kevin briefly paused his work, looking up from his bike to watch the Urban Rangers march past on the opposite side of the street. Well, three of them, at least; Fluffy seemed to be absent today. The ridiculous image earned a scoff from the jock. Where were they off to with such pomp and circumstance? Probably going to save a cat from a tree or something mediocre like that. What sheep.

Leaving the urban losers to their business, Kevin resumed his repair job. All he had to do was oil up the chain and his bike would be ready to ride again. A few drops here, a few there, turn the pedals and revel in the whisper-quiet crank of the gears… perfect!

Kevin beamed with pride as he placed his tools back in their box and turned his bike right-side up. After all that hard work, he was ready to have some fun with this baby. He hastily returned his toolbox to their proper spot in the garage and dusted his hands off, ready to ride.

As he stepped back outside, however, he noticed something up the street. One of the houses had its garage door up, one that had not been raised in two weeks. Moreover, there was clearly a car parked inside, one that he had not seen in the same amount of time.

"Nazz?"

An eager smile spread across Kevin's face as he hopped atop his bike and started tearing asphalt. "YO, NAZZ!"

He raced across the cul-de-sac, screeching to a halt in the selected driveway. Without missing a beat, he leaped back off, lowered the kickstand, then bolted up to the front door and gave it an enthusiastic knock. It felt like it had been a lifetime since he'd last seen Nazz, and he was absolutely elated –a word not often used to describe Kevin– to have her back.

A few seconds passed, waiting for someone to answer. Finally, the door flew open, revealing the blonde beauty. "Kevin!"

"Hey, Nazz!" Kevin gleefully hollered, pulling Nazz into a joyous embrace which she did not hesitate to return. "Missed ya, babe! When'd ya get back?!"

"Just last night!" Nazz laughed, equally as excited to be back among friends. "It's so good to see ya again!"

"You too!" Kevin repeated, setting Nazz on her feet again. "How was the karate tournament?"

"Ehh…" Nazz tilted her head back and forth and forced a toothy grin. She was still happy, certainly, but there was a clear air of annoyance in her expression and tone now. "Came in second. Furthest I've ever made it, but y'know…" She then folded her arms and pursed her lips in a slight scowl. "Stupid cheating Lemon Brook sophomore… Guy went for the face like four times, I swear."

"Man, that's bunk," Kevin grunted sympathetically. "I mean, second place, that's pretty dope. But I haven't even met this dirtbag, and even _I_ know you deserved it more than him."

"Thanks, Kevin," Nazz giggled, making an effort to lighten up for the sake of not souring their reunion. "So how've things been around here?"

"Been pretty boring without ya. Weeks just kinda dragged on with nothin' to tell. Even the dorks have practically vanished; been spending most of their time playing some RPG or whatever."

"Well gee, that's no way to spend the summer!" Nazz insisted.

"I know. I've been _itching_ for some action." Kevin briefly glimpsed his hotrod over his shoulder, then turned and smiled back at Nazz. "Well, now that you're here, you feel up to takin' a spin?"

"Totally!" Nazz quickly stepped outside in full, closing the door behind her. "Let's go!"

"Awesome!" Leading the way, Kevin dashed back down the driveway and over to his bike. He offered Nazz a gentlemanly hand, helping her into a comfortable sitting position between the handlebars. Then he settled himself down on the seat, exchanging a tender smile with Nazz. Just like old times…

One swift retraction of the kickstand later, Kevin and Nazz were gliding down the street and into town…

* * *

It was taking Demi a while to figure out how she was going to spend her Monday. She'd run her minuscule supply of books dry and she wasn't in the mood to re-reread any of them. She didn't have any money to spend at the pawnshop. She lacked the supplies she needed for her usual games, and besides, she knew she would be grounded if she filled the house with balloons again. It was such a perfect scheme, though. Put five dollars in one balloon, fill one with noxious gas, and have Mia pop every balloon until she found one or the other.

So for the first couple hours of consciousness, Demi, bored out of her skull, sat on her bed and carved Wiccan symbols into the wall while pop-punk music blasted through her radio. She didn't like school, but she honestly kind of wished it was that time of year already, because then she would at least have somewhere to be. Granted, when she _was_ in school, she wished that she was somewhere else. She hated having obligations, but she hated having nothing to do too. Really, she just hated most things.

Demi let out a disgruntled sigh, then took a deep breath and blew the loose drywall shavings off of her newly-etched witch's knot. With that done, she immediately began a new carving, this time with no real direction initially in mind. She started with a rounded, upside-down triangle, then she stared at it for a moment, contemplating her next move. She drew a small circle inside the triangle, then another next to it, then four half-circles, one in the middle, one on each side, and one big one near the bottom like a big, dopey grin. She connected the two circles at the top with a thick line…

"_DEMIIIII…!_"

Mia's shrill voice cut through the music like rusty nails, causing Demi to flinch and slice a crooked line across the wall. Her bedroom door flew open and the obnoxious ball of blonde-haired, yellow dress-clad sunshine behind it made herself seen. She raised the wireless phone in her hand for Demi to see. "Daddy wants to talk to you!"

"I'm pretty sure I said to stay outta my room," Demi grunted, tossing her knife onto the foot of her bed and climbing off to meet her little sister in the doorway.

Mia's mouth opened in a wide smile, exposing the gaps where her baby teeth had fallen out. Her eyes were trained on the wall that Demi had marked up. "Are you drawing your boyfriend?!"

"No, I'm drawing your real dad."

"I'm telling Daddy you said that!" Mia pressed the phone to her ear. "Daddy…!"

"Beat it, you little pimple!" Demi snarled, snatching the phone out of Mia's hand, shoving her back out into the hall, and finally slamming and locking the door. Once again in relative solitude, Demi held the phone up to her ear. "What is it, Dad?"

An almost immediate groan escaped Demi's throat as the conversation predictably began with her dad bawling her out for the exchange between her and Mia he had overheard. She slumped into her mushroom chair and pulled the phone away from her ear until her dad's voice was a mere drone mostly drowned out by the music. Once it seemed like he had stopped talking, she spoke into the phone again, offering a begrudging apology. She clearly didn't mean it and he clearly knew it, but this was typical behavior of his oldest daughter.

After that, there was only one matter that they needed to address. The investors had shown up to work wanting to see the progress on the new apparatus, but Dad had left the files with the color bar test patterns on his home desktop. He needed her to put the files on a flash drive and bring them to him, and he needed her to do that _now. Right now._ Did she understand?

"Yeah, Dad, I get it," Demi grunted with annoyance. "If it's so important to you, I'll take a break from slaughtering goats and praying to Cthulhu to bring you some color charts."

There came another scolding for her tone. In one ear and out the other. Bottom line, bring the flash drive.

"Okay, Dad, whatever you say. See you in ten."

Demi hung up without another word. She stood up, turned off her radio, then stepped out into the hallway and down to her father's office, ready to get this procedure done and over with. At least now she had something to do, even if that something was stupid and boring.

* * *

"So how do ya feel, Jimmy?"

"I-It feels kinda strange," Jimmy answered, massaging his upper lip and smiling meekly at Sarah. "I've gotten so used to wearing it that I feel like I'm overcompensating every time I close my mouth."

"But just think!" Sarah cheered him on. "After a few days, I bet it's gonna feel like the best thing in the world to have your teeth finally free!"

"It does already feel pretty good," Jimmy giggled. "It'll just take a little getting used to!"

"Well, I think you look spiffy, bucko!" Ed stated enthusiastically, marching alongside the two youngsters with pep in his step and the folder still in his hand.

"Thank you, Ed! I've been waiting for this day for so long now. I hope it was worth the effort."

"Sure it was!" Sarah insisted. "Now come on! Let's go home and celebrate! I got dark chocolate caramels with your name on them!"

Jimmy's eyes lit up like the Fourth of July. "Oh yay, Sarah! No more gooey caramel in my retainer!"

"YUMMY!" Regardless of whether he was invited in on this party, Ed was enthralled by the idea. However, even this delicious proposal did not distract him from his true mission. "But we gotta deliver Drusilla's documents directly!"

"Oh, right…" Sarah muttered in begrudging disappointment. She _did _promise they would do that. "Well, let's hurry it up then."

Jimmy twiddled his thumbs for a moment, sharing Sarah's dismay at their delayed gratification. At the very least, he tried to liven the mood again by offering Ed a genuine compliment. "Nice alliteration, Ed!"

"Thank you!" Ed chimed back. "I've been told I have a good figure."

Sarah sighed and squinted her eyes, pinpointing the Peach Creek National Laboratory through the fog. "At least it's not a long walk from here. Saves us some time."

"Wait, we're going _there?_" Jimmy questioned, curling inward at the sight of the industrial compound in the near distance, silhouetted against the grey skyline.

"Yeah, Ed's gotta drop something off to Demi. Her dad works there, so…"

"That place scares me," Jimmy whimpered. "It's so mechanical and uninviting. What do they even _do_ in there?"

"They're building a portal!" Ed happily replied. "So that we may travel to worlds unknown and discover their secret secrets!"

"That's just stupid, Ed," Sarah spat. "Ya gotta stop living in that game you guys play. It's messing with your brain more so than usual."

"Mom says I gotta keep _something_ active! Why not the 'magination?!" Ed decreed with an excited twirl. He then started charging down the street and towards the great laboratory. "Now let's go!"

Jimmy pressed a hand to his sternum, watching anxiously as Ed scurried ahead of them. "Do we _have_ to, Sarah?"

Sarah sighed and glared at the sky. "I told him he would, and he's just gonna mope and dope if we don't." She smiled a little and took Jimmy's hand. "It won't take long. We'll just pop right by the front door and be home in a flash, okay?"

Mustering a smile of his own, Jimmy took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

"Wait up, stupid!" Sarah hollered as she and Jimmy started chasing after Ed. Hearing her call, Ed slowed down just enough for them to catch up, then continued leading the charge towards their destination. The various businesses that occupied the industrial district disappeared behind them as they neared the wide, private lot, crossing the several hundred acres that separated the lab from the rest of the town.

As the complex drew ever closer, something appeared just out of the corner of their eyes.

"Huh?" Ed's attention span was a chaotic thing, so much so that his focus on this singular task of bringing Demi her character sheet was something to behold. Nonetheless, the new elements to the equation did draw his eyes away from the lab, but for a rather appropriate reason.

"Eddy! Double D!"

Several dozen yards away, the two young men walking across the field snapped in the direction of the voice. Their smiles were apparent even from a distance. The jog continued with both parties slightly rerouting their courses to meet halfway, slowing to a halt upon reunion.

Ed was the first to speak up as he approached. "Hi guys!"

"Hey, Lumpy!" Eddy casually greeted his cohort.

"Good morning, Ed!" Edd picked up. "Sarah! Jimmy! You look fantastic! How was the procedure?"

"It went well!" Jimmy gladly responded, showing off his pearly whites. "Thanks for asking!"

"What're you guys doing here?" Sarah asked, opting to get right to the point.

Before Edd had a chance to explain himself, Eddy jabbed a thumb in his direction and stated, "Double D's gotta drop off some nerd files to his dad."

"Ooh, me too!" Ed replied, holding up the folder in his hands. "To Demi's dad, not Double D's!"

Edd leaned forward, easily recognizing the artwork decorating the folder. "Demi left her character sheets at your house? Well, I suppose this is one way to go about returning them…"

"And return them I shall! Onward!" With this decree, Ed resumed the trek towards the lab. Sarah rolled her eyes but followed alongside Jimmy with no other protest.

Eddy shrugged at Edd before they too joined the group, muttering all the while, "Gotta hand it to him. The big lug finally found a girl no one would go for besides him."

"Oh, please, Eddy. Affable gestures do not automatically equate with romantic affections," Edd sternly mumbled back. His displeased frown quickly snapped back into an eager grin as they approached the sprawling laboratory, raising his arm in a sweeping gesture. "This is it, fellows. Peach Creek's own cradle of scientific discovery!"

"Looks like a sweatshop," Eddy grunted, taking in the sight. The three-story, labyrinthine, concrete building sat in the middle of the field, clear on the other side of a fifteen-foot tall, barbed wire perimeter fence that spanned the length of two football fields. Behind the fence, between them and the main facility, half-dead grass gave way to tarmac surfaces littered with various machines and construction vehicles. Not exactly the most welcoming atmosphere.

"Yeah, I'm sure whatever they do here is very important," Sarah muttered, graciously allowing Jimmy to timidly cling to her arm. "Now can we hurry up and drop off these papers so we can get outta here?"

"Gotta side with the twerp on this one," Eddy responded, drawing closer to the fence. "So come on! Let's take a shortcut!"

Edd slowly drew his eyes away from the lab to follow Eddy's trail. Where they landed was on a small hole in the fence, just big enough for any one of them to squeeze through, which Eddy was already in the process of. Edd's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the suggestion. "Eddy, what are you doing?! We can't go in there!"

"It's a shortcut, Sockhead!" Eddy reiterated. "Walking around this fence is gonna take forever! I'm a busy guy!"

"Level 10 waits for no man!" Ed insisted, crawling through the gap and blissfully following Eddy across the lot.

Sarah darted closer to the fence, gripping the chain links and staring aghast at her brother and his half-pint friend. "Ed, you nitwit! You get back here!"

Edd fidgeted in place, staring out at Ed and Eddy, then at Sarah and Jimmy, then at the distant lab, then back at Ed and Eddy. He knew that this was wrong on so many moral and ethical levels, but he also knew that between Eddy's rebelliousness and Ed's ignorance, turning them back around would be no easy task. Thus, against his better judgment, Edd cautiously inched his way through the breach in the fence and chased after his companions. "Wait! Stop! This is government property!"

Jimmy was mortified at the sight of the Eds on the other side of the fence, blindly wandering into who knows what. "We shouldn't be here, Sarah. What do you think will happen to them?"

"Nothin'll happen."

Sarah and Jimmy whipped around to find that another party member had arrived with surprising stealth. Demi paid the duo little mind, strutting right past them and easily ducking through the hole in the fence. "I come this way all the time. Never hurt me."

"What's this huge lot for anyway?" Sarah demanded, quickly getting fed up with the blatant recklessness on display.

Demi turned to face the young ones, walking backwards towards the lab. "They used to use this fenced-off area to test their bigger machines. Now it's basically a scrapyard. Haven't done an experiment out here in years." Then she turned back around and continued on her way.

For a moment, Sarah could only stand there slack-jawed and arm raised, fully prepared to argue but unable to enunciate her case. Eventually she smacked her hand against her forehead and growled. The girl that Ed was trying to deliver these papers to had _walked right past them! _If they had just waited outside the fence for thirty seconds…!

"But we could still get in trouble for being here!" Jimmy insisted. "What if a brute from security comes down here and…?"

Jimmy trailed off, his wide eyes fixed on some distant point. His fretful, spacey expression quickly garnered concern from Sarah. "What's the matter, Jimmy?"

"Over there!"

Sarah followed Jimmy's finger, looking past the fence for whatever had caught his attention. Her initial fear was that a member of the laboratory staff had discovered them, but this quickly proved to be false. No one else seemed to be on the premises. What she did notice was a conspicuous speck of orange wandering among the greys of the steel pillars and concrete ground.

She leaned into the fence again, squinting and straining to make out the orange shape. "Is that a cat?"

"I think that's North's kitty, Sarah!" Jimmy stated worriedly. "He must've gotten out of the house again."

"Well, he shouldn't be in there either," Sarah insisted, anxiously looking back at Jimmy. After both internally and verbally complaining about trespassing as much as she had, she couldn't believe she was about to suggest this, but her anxiousness was escalating to a point where she couldn't bear standing around on the outside much longer. "Should we go after him? I know going in there is probably a stupid idea, but if the worst that can happen is someone will come down and yell at us, then we might as well make the argument that we were helping a friend."

Jimmy nervously bit down on his knuckle. He checked over his shoulder, scanning every inch of the lab's property. The scene was still as cold and intimidating as ever, but it really did seem like they were alone out there. For the sake of an innocent cat, it felt wrong to stand idly by. "I wouldn't be doing my Feline Rescue merit badge justice if I didn't, right?"

"Right! We'll slip right in and back out before anyone even knows we're here," Sarah proclaimed, dropping to her hands and knees, weaseling her way through the gap, then scampering across the tarmac and towards the runaway cat.

Jimmy promptly followed suit, briefly getting his sleeve caught on a loose bit of fencing but freeing himself with little fuss. Then he sprang to his feet and chased after Sarah. "Wait for me, girlfriend!"

His holler, though not shouted at the top of his lungs, was just loud enough to be heard across the lot. Incidentally, at the edge where the spacious field met the woods, Jimmy's fellow Urban Ranger happened to be within earshot. Jonny perked up and dashed out into the open, staring down from the slight hilltop at the laboratory grounds. Through his and Plank's combined eagle-eyeing, he managed to spot a couple of familiar figures.

"Hey, Rolf!" Jonny whipped around and called out to his troop leader, just visible through the trees. "Plank and I found Jimmy! And _he_ found Jonesy!"

Rolf looked up from the bush he had been checking under. Near simultaneously, North popped out from behind a tree several yards away. While the latter let out a sigh of relief, the former straightened up and happily responded, "Ah, yes, good! Let us rendezvous with the absent ranger and see this safe retrieval through!"

"Follow us!" Jonny gladly commanded, facing forward and dashing out into the field, making a beeline for the fence.

Upon stepping out of the forest alongside Rolf, North tilted his head at the sight. "This place again? Boy, Jonesy's been wandering around here a whole heck of a lot lately. Maybe he's curious about the portal project too."

"A portal, you say?" Rolf questioned. "Tell Rolf, is this truly the hocus pocus being concocted within this twisted complex of industry?"

"Apparently, according to Demi."

North slowed to a stop when he noticed Jonny doing the same. The Urban Ranger was trying to scope out the scene on the other side of the fence. "How'd those guys get in there?"

"I think there's a hole in the fence over here…" North replied, walking along the perimeter in search of the breach. "If I'm remembering correctly… Ah, here it is!"

North was quick to tuck and roll inside. Jonny wasted no time following his example, holding Plank against his chest as he squeezed his way in. Rolf was not quite so hasty. "Ranger Jonny! Specky North-Boy! Aye-yi-yi…!" Even still, post-facepalm, it didn't take long for Rolf to make his way onto the other side to chase after the runaways. "Do not tread your feet on the verboten grounds! In Rolf's country, setting foot uninvited on another's land has started many a family feud!"

"It'll just be a second, Rolf!" North insisted, following Sarah and Jimmy's trail in search of his cat.

And coincidentally, at that same time, Kevin and Nazz were biking through. Their trip had been smooth sailing so far, speeding down hills, weaving down streets, popping wheelies, simply enjoying each other's company… Their wheels eventually brought them to the industrial district, skirting along the outer limits.

Nazz stared ahead from her perch on the handlebars, soaking in the view of her hometown and the sights of an area she traveled to very infrequently. Off to their right was the looming image of the town's national laboratory, where something just outside it caught her eye.

"Hey Kevin, look!" Nazz pointed towards the lab, prompting Kevin to follow her line of sight. "Is that Rolf? And… Jonny and North?"

Kevin squinted, scrutinizing the blue shapes crawling through the enormous fence in the distance. "Yeah, you're right. What're those guys doing in there?"

"Isn't that the lab where Double D's dad works?"

"Pretty sure. His and that creepy Demi girl's." His curiosity piqued, Kevin turned his bike towards the lab and pedaled onward. "Something weird's goin' on. Let's go check it out."

* * *

"Man, what a dump." Eddy folded his arms and took a good look around at the scene tucked inside the perimeter fence. Rows upon rows of latticed columns lined the tarmac, the pattern occasionally broken by strange, ten-foot cast blocks of unknown purpose. Thick, high-voltage cable harnesses spread across the ground, forcing the Eds to jump over them every twenty or so feet.

"This is where the secret sciencey secrets happen, Eddy!" Ed chimed, admiring the construction work despite understanding none of it.

"And that is _precisely_ why I must insist we turn back!" Edd desperately pressed, shaking with trepidation every time he stepped over a cable. "Not only are we recklessly traipsing through potentially dangerous equipment, but if we're caught in here, we will be in serious, genuine trouble with the law, not to mention our parents!"

"Lighten up, Sockhead," Eddy chided. "It's not like we're here to steal nothin'. We're just a buncha kids dropping stuff off! Not our fault we don't know the way around."

"I think the _barbed wire fence_ was a pretty clear indicator that wherever we're supposed to be, it isn't in _here!_"

"Hey, if they cared so much about keeping folks out, they woulda fixed that hole. Besides, your dad works here! If worse comes to worst, I'm sure they'll let us down easy for that reason alone."

"Reveal to me your secrets, mighty metal pillar of space and time!" Ed exclaimed, raising his arms to one of the columns as they passed by.

"I don't think any of its secrets are worth knowing."

"_GAH!_" Eddy jumped and turned around, looking just as startled as Edd clearly was to see that Demi had joined their group. "Where'd _you_ come from?!"

"DEMI~!"

"Hey, Ed." Demi donned a brief smirk as she nodded to the oaf, then resumed her typical deadpan frown as she walked alongside the boys. "What brings you guys to the scrapyard?"

"We're making deliveries!" Ed proclaimed. "Oh, here ya go! This one's for you!"

Demi blinked at the sight of the folder Ed was extending to her. She hadn't even realized she'd left it at his house, but she certainly accepted it with gratitude. "Oh. Thanks."

"Well, now that that exchange has been made…" Edd awkwardly piped up. "…perhaps we should be on our way?"

"Double D, it's fine. There's nothing in here that can hurt us," Demi flatly insisted, glancing around at the multitude of towers. "Granted, it's been a while since I've been down this way and I don't remember these things being here. Looks like the guys have been hard at work around here. That's new."

"What're these things even supposed to be?" Eddy questioned, kicking at a cable. "A buncha cellphone towers? Stupid elaborate metal detectors?"

"Is this the portal machine, Demi?!" Ed asked excitedly, scratching his nose.

Demi merely shrugged in return. "Ya got me. I zone out whenever Dad talks business. Or talks in general."

"_Snff…_ Ahh…"

"Well, if this construction work is recent, I think that's all the more reason for us to vacate the premises," Edd reiterated. "We wouldn't want to inadvertently damage something vital."

"Ahhhhh…!"

"Hey, we're bein' careful!" Eddy insisted, tiptoeing over another yet cable. "See? Light as a feather. We're not gonna-"

"_AAAAAHHHHH… __**CHOO!**_"

The ground they stood upon practically shook from the force of Ed's sneeze, stymieing his companions for a moment or two. Edd clutched his chest and anxiously looked around, ensuring that nothing was out of place and no one was coming after them. "Goodness… Bless you, Ed."

Ed sniffled and wobbled dizzily in place. "I sneezed."

"We noticed. Maybe _that's _why," Eddy bluntly stated, pointing over the others' shoulders. "Ain't that North's cat?"

Sure enough, upon turning around, the gang spotted a ginger tabby cat scurrying their way. Following close behind, Sarah and Jimmy were chasing after the animal, the latter calling out to him, "Jonesy, come back! It's dangerous in here!"

"Oh dear…" Edd's face dropped into his hand. It was bad enough that his closest friends were breaking and entering on dangerous grounds, but to see their two youngest associates following suit only complicated matters.

Jonesy did not respond to the call of his name. He simply continued to dash down the row of columns, only stopping when he reached Demi. Once there, he greeted the girl with a gentle nudge before proceeding to rub against her leg.

"Heh…" Demi smiled at the sight. In general, animals were one thing she didn't hate, mostly on account of them not being people. In response to the affection, Demi reached down and picked Jonesy up, tenderly scratching behind his ears. "Ya little scamp."

"Whew…!" Sarah slowed to a halt, pausing to catch her breath. "Thanks, Demi."

"The little guy had us worried!" Jimmy added.

"Awwwww…" Ed walked over to Demi, beaming at the adorable sight of her and the cat. He bent over to look the little fluffball in the face. "Hello, Jonesy!"

Jonesy mewled in response, reaching out to lick Ed's nose. The affectionate act only served to fan the flames of Ed's allergies, causing his face to scrunch up and prompting him to retreat so he didn't sneeze in Jonesy or Demi's faces.

"Jonesy?"

All eyes turned in the direction Sarah and Jimmy had just come from. North was fast approaching, followed closely by Jonny and Rolf. The relief on North's face was plain to see. "_There_ you are!"

"_ACHOO!_"

"Jonny! Rolf!" Jimmy was taken aback at the sight of the Urban Ranger uniforms. "Oh phooey, did I miss a meeting?"

"Fret not, boy Jimmy," Rolf graciously responded. "Your dentistry-related absence is an acceptable excuse. This gathering of the Urban Rangers was prompted solely for the purpose of reclaiming North-Boy's feline friend."

"Lookin' good there, chief!" Jonny cheered regarding Jimmy's newfound lack of a retainer.

North gave Jonesy a rub on the head, allowing Demi a moment longer to hold him. "You can't keep running off like that, buddy!"

"Seriously, like, how many times has that cat gotten out of the house?" Eddy grunted. "It's time to invest in an electric fence."

"Yes, because hypocrisy is absolutely hilarious!" Edd objected, frowning at Eddy.

"Whoa, hey!" Jonny donned a big smile as he looked over his shoulder. "Nazz is back from her karate tournament!"

Once again, everyone's attention was directed to the newest arrivals. Nazz wandered down the row, looking around at the strange equipment, while Kevin's focus was on the group. "Rolf? Jonny? _Eds?_ What's everyone _doing_ here?"

"That is an _excellent_ question, Kevin!" Edd shouted, well and truly exasperated by this point. "_None of us_ should be in here!"

Completely missing the point, Sarah excitedly dashed over to greet Nazz. Jonny walked up as well and gleefully asked, "Hey, Nazz! How'd ya do?!"

"Eh, fine. Came in second."

"Whoa, not bad!"

"Did they give you a trophy?!"

"That's amazing! You go, girl!"

"Rolf offers his compliments to this achievement in the martial arts!"

"Yeah, but _why_ are we _here?_"

"_ACHOOOOO!_"

"Geez, Ed, maybe don't stick your face in the cat's!"

"Aww, Jonesy likes you, Demi."

"I like him too. Wanna trade him for my sister?"

"PEOPLE, _PLEASE!_" Edd's desperate, aggravated plea broke through the din of overlapping conversations. "We are standing among delicate, potentially hazardous machinery in the middle of government-sanctioned property! WE _NEED_ TO-!"

_**FWOOOOOOOOOOOOM**_

Everyone on the premises was struck with sharp, simultaneous headaches, some stumbling in place while others locked up on the spot. The ground vibrated and a deep, high-pitched, rumbling noise filled the air like the roar of a low-flying jet. White-blue light seemed to ignite from every direction, enveloping each member of the group in St. Elmo's fire.

"Rrrrrgh…!" Eddy felt dizzy, nauseous, completely unable to move while the world moved around him. "What's goin' on?!"

"I _told_ you!" Edd snapped, holding his pounding head. "I told you we were asking for trouble by breaking in here!"

"Everything is so shiny!" Ed hollered, somewhere in between intrigued and genuinely unnerved by the phenomenon.

Through the near-blinding haze, wisps of light flashed here and there, shimmering in such a way that the very atmosphere around them seemed to distort. The glow became so intense that, in a way, it actually seemed to dim in everyone's eyes, but the cacophonous ring only grew stronger, drilling into the kids' temples with an unbearable screech.

"Ah-aaaaahhh…!" Jimmy was horribly disoriented and scared out of his wits. He tried to look around, despite the white light only worsening his headache. He could just barely make out a pink and orange shape among the fog. "Sarah?!"

"Jimmy?!"

The two made eye contact through the haze. Jimmy reached out and tried to bring himself closer to Sarah, but in his confusion, he ended up tripping over himself with a startled cry. There was no impact. In the blink of an eye, Jimmy seemed to vanish entirely into a shimmer, his voice echoing a second longer before going silent.

"_JIMMY!_"

"HOLY COW!" Jonny, having paid unfortunate witness to the event, made a mad dash in the direction his fellow ranger had just disappeared. He inadvertently crashed into Sarah, both of them yelping as they collapsed on top of each other and were spirited away in another shimmer.

"Kevin?!" Nazz blindly waved her hands around, squinting from the brightness and the migraine. "Where are you?!"

"Nazz! I'm right here!"

"I can't see you!"

There was no response from Kevin this time.

"Kevin!" Nazz stumbled forward, trying to follow where she last heard his voice. "Kevin, say some-_AAH!_"

"AIYEE!" Rolf was mortified. Kevin and Nazz had disappeared before his very eyes. Everyone else around him seemed to have suffered the same fate. "The devil's haze will consume us all!" He took a step back, emitting a guttural noise as he too found himself at the mercy of a shimmer.

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God…" North desperately looked around. Within their distorted sphere, all he could see were the Eds, Demi, and Jonesy huddled up against the latter. "Where is everyone?!"

"I… don't… know…!" Edd shouted in terror, his hands still firmly clamped to his head.

Demi was breathing wildly, holding North's spooked cat protectively against her chest. She glanced behind her, straining to see Ed through the ripples. The poor lug didn't know where to look, but eventually his eyes met hers. "Demi?"

Steeling her nerves, holding her breath, Demi took a shaky first step towards Ed.

In one second, Ed saw Demi approaching him. In the next, she was gone.

"DEMI!"

"DEMI! JONESY!" North leaped after the girl and his cat, swinging his arms in a feeble attempt to catch them…

"_NORTH!_" And just like that, Ed watched North vanish too. "NORTH BUDDY! DEMI! BABY SISTER!"

"DOUBLE D!" Eddy screamed over the ear-splitting din. "WHADDA WE _DO?!_"

Edd was hyperventilating as he looked around. Aside from his two best friends, he could neither see nor hear any of the other kids accompanying them. They were alone in this madhouse of sensory overload, and there was no telling what had happened to the others or what _could_ happen to them. He was at a complete loss. Should they run? Should they keep still and hope whoever was controlling this anomaly realized there were people on the testing ground? What physical consequences would they suffer if they attempted either? Edd was simply too terrified and too pained to come up with a plan.

"_DOUBLE DEEEEE!_"

"I DON'T _KNOW,_ EDDY!"

The earth-shattering phenomenon seemed to have no end. The trio was rooted to the ground, too scared to move. Eddy stared at Edd in desperate frustration, feeling like he was seconds away from exploding. Edd tightly curled inward, cushioning his head, struggling to think clearly. But in the midst of the chaos and confusion, hysterical over the disappearance of his friends and his sister, reacting to the pain with nothing more than pure instinct, Ed was the first to panic…

"_RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!_"

Ed scooped Edd up in one arm. He grabbed Eddy with the other. He prepared to make a mad dash out of there.

He took only one step before the ground disappeared beneath them.


	3. Into the Unknown

A/N: So at the time of me posting this, this chapter is the last one that I have fully completed. Chapter 4 is currently in progress, but I can't guarantee a release date on that one. Chances are that the schedule will become somewhat sporadic after this. I am in college, after all.

On a less important note, this chapter's title being the same as a song from Frozen II was completely unintentional, and I'm too lazy to change it, so MLEH.

But whatever. Hope you guys are liking this story so far. I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger last time. Let's remedy that, shall we?

* * *

**Chapter 3: Into the Unknown**

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH…!_"

"_GAAAHHH-HAH-HAAAAAHHHHH…!_"

"_AAH! AAH! WAAAAAHHHHH-HAAAHHH…!_"

_**SNAP CRACK CRUNCH SNAP SNIKT CRACK CLONK**_

Ed lost his grip on Edd and Eddy the moment his chest hit the first twig at the top of the pine tree. With all three Eds now in individual freefalls, they tumbled down the tree haphazardly, screaming like banshees, flopping upside-down and right-side-up over and over again. The smaller branches snapped under their weight in a flurry of splinters and needles. They flatly and painfully banged against the thicker ones. Ed helplessly flailed his arms as if in some desperate attempt to fly, or at least slow his descent. Edd tried several times to grab a branch and stop himself, succeeding only in snatching up air or scratching off some bark. Eddy's drop was momentarily halted halfway down when he took a hard blow to the crotch, only for the branch to bend and break away from the trunk, sending the boy on his way.

Several more dizzying flips and collisions later, Ed slammed to the ground, followed by Edd a few feet away, and finally Eddy on the opposite side of the trunk. Pained, disoriented, reeling from the brutal impact, lying in a shower of evergreen needles and pine cones, the three Eds quickly and silently slipped into the cold embrace of unconsciousness.

* * *

"_...ee? Doubled… Double D!_"

The first thing that Edd became aware of as he began to wake back up was the splitting headache tearing at every inch of his skull. The second was the distant voice calling to him from beyond the darkness. His body shivered, igniting waves of dull pain that steadily swept away his numbness. As he slowly opened his eyes, taking his time to let them adjust to the light and come into focus, he found that the voice was not as far away as he initially thought.

"Double D!" Ed smiled with elated relief to see his friend rejoin the living. "You're awake!"

"Aaahhh…" Edd couldn't muster a standard response, only managing to wheeze out an uncomfortable groan. Every one of his muscles screamed in protest as he shakily propped himself up into a sitting position. His hand flew to his forehead, tenderly cushioning the migraine. What just happened? Why did everything hurt?

For that matter, how long had they been out? With little more than a quick glance between the trees, it was clear that the sun was out, a sharp contrast to the morning's overcast gloom. Judging by the soft golden light, the day was most likely nearing late afternoon.

"Gahhh… Fer cryin'...!" Sounded like Eddy was starting to wake up too. Well, good. They were all together and still alive. Hopefully none of them had sustained any severe injuries from their drop.

Edd's eyes widened as the memories started rushing back to him. The aural and optical phenomenon on the laboratory testing ground. Their friends disappearing. Ed grabbing them and making a break for it. The three somehow winding up at the top of a tree and plummeting to the earth in one quick step.

"Ed…" Seeking first to establish some semblance of security, Edd turned to his oafish friend with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm okay," Ed grunted with a weary smile. "My face kinda hurts and I think I landed on my spleen, but I'm okay."

"G-Good…" Edd opted not to fret too much and instead crawled through the grass, inching closer to their third companion. "Eddy?"

"Ow…" Eddy sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Did anyone catch the license plate number on that truck?"

A sharp, sympathetic grimace crossed Edd's face. Clearly none of them were in great shape, but he was trying his best to take a slight amount of comfort in the fact that they were all still in one piece.

"We went for a _ride,_ guys…" Ed guffawed, plopping down next to Edd and Eddy and dizzily swaying in place with a dopey grin.

Edd moaned again and continued to massage his temples. "That's putting it _very_ mildly, Ed. How on Earth did we go from standing outside the laboratory to falling head-over-heels from the top of a tree?"

Ed suddenly snapped to attention. The adrenaline was wearing off and the startling images of his friends vanishing were returning to him. "Oh no…" He swiveled his head back and forth, scanning their surroundings. "Guys? Where's Sarah?! A-And Demi and North?!"

"Yeah, I don't have an answer for ya there, Monobrow," Eddy grunted, leaning against Ed for support. "But, uh, here's a better question: WHERE THE HECK ARE _WE?!_"

Though Eddy's characteristic shouting was like a stake piercing through Edd's brain, it did prompt him to take a proper look around…

A dense coniferous forest stretched in every direction as far as the eye could see. The music of birds and chirping of insects filled the air, unperturbed by the human intruders. Scattered about, pines, junipers and hemlocks of every shape, size and shade of green stood tall and proud among the ground-hugging shrubs, grasses and occasional stones. The predominant trees of the forest, however, appeared to be redwoods. Absolutely _enormous_ redwoods. Edd had to lean back and crane his neck just to gauge the height of the monolithic trees closest to them, each one decorated with unique patterns of branches, splits in their trunks, and gorgeous ruddy bark, stretching hundreds of feet to touch the rich blue sky.

"Wow…" Ed breathed raptly, his smile serene and his eyes glossed over as he paused his search to take in the image of the forest. "This place is pretty."

"Okay, sure, but what _is_ this place?!" Eddy asked impatiently. "How'd we _get_ here?!"

Edd's eyes slowly trailed downward in mortification. He tilted forward until he dropped onto his shaky hands and knees. The lab. The equipment they wandered past. The lights and sounds. The spontaneous appearance of the tree. Every moment leading up to their bout of trauma-induced unconsciousness was crystal clear in his mind, and likely in Ed and Eddy's too, ruling out the possibility that Ed had unknowingly carried them into the woods. Besides, the idea of Ed climbing a tree in such a state, or even fully cognizant for that matter, was far-fetched. This deduction, coupled with so many other factors, led Edd to one conclusion. One that he found completely absurd but couldn't deny the possibility of.

"Teleportation…"

Ed and Eddy's attention simultaneously snapped to their sockheaded companion. The latter screwed up his face and perked an eyebrow with skepticism. "Huh?"

Slowly, Edd turned his head to face the two, his breaths shuddering and his eyes full of concern. "The laboratory… they've been experimenting with instantaneous, non-parallel travel. Th-That network of machines we were walking through must have been their prototype."

Immediately, Ed's eyes lit up with wonder and his grin grew to impossible proportions. "THE PORTAL MACHINE WORKS!"

"Aw, c'mon, ya nerds!" Eddy interjected, giving Ed's arm a shove. "How is a _portal_ the first answer ya come to? Yeah, I get that the lab is trying to invent them and we were just talkin' about it last night, but I would think that _you_ of all people would try to come up with something that we know for a fact is real first, Double D!"

"I fully acknowledge the ludicrousness of this suggestion," Edd explained, poorly masking the fear in his tone. "But considering the circumstances –not to mention this headache that's somewhat hampering my ability to process things coherently– I genuinely can't think of a more logical explanation. The distortions in space we witnessed, our friends' spontaneous disappearances, our sudden relocation to the top of a tree… a-and just look around!"

Edd sat up straight and spread his arms out to full length. "Redwood trees such as these are not endemic to Peach Creek or any surrounding area! These more closely resemble the sequoias found on the west coast. I don't know for sure where we are, Eddy, but based on topography alone, I can almost guarantee it's far from home."

Stars continued to shine in Ed's eyes as he stared up at the massive trees. They had just _teleported!_ To a realm of untouched beauty and wonder, no less! Of course he was going to revel in this discovery. "One small step for man, one giant leapfrog!"

Eddy, on the other hand, was stunned silent. He stared at the ground not with earth-shattering shock or dread, but with simple, blunt confusion. His pupils flicked about as he struggled to put the pieces together in his brain. Eddy had to concede that Edd would know this better than any of them, but even _he_ could tell that they had landed in unfamiliar territory.

Eventually Eddy shook himself off and decided that the how and why were not as important as he was making them out to be. The bottom line was that they were lost. Might as well try to deal with that first. "Okay, then how are we supposed to-? _OW!_"

The other Eds jumped at Eddy's sudden outburst, coinciding with him smacking the small of his back. Edd anxiously started inching closer to him. "Eddy, what hap-?! _YEOWCH!_"

"OUCHIE!" Ed clutched his right calf. At the same time, Edd grabbed his left hand, feeling a hard crunch beneath his palm as he slapped the source of the torment. Red-hot needles of pure agony shot through their skin, and many more fiery stabs soon followed in a multitude of locations, leaving all three Eds howling in pain.

"SUNNOVA-!" Eddy stood up and started patting himself down in a frantic dance. "Stupid bugs! Get offa me!"

Fighting the burning sensations, Edd looked down at his hand. A large, bright red ant lay crushed and dead in his palm. His wide eyes then shot to the ground. Through the grass they were sitting in, just barely obscured by the dark earth, he could see swarms of similar red speckles scurrying about, clinging to his pants and socks. On cue, he felt two more of the brutal insects chomp down on his abdomen.

"KYAHH…! FIRE ANTS!"

Ed wailed in pain and disgust, leaping to his feet, desperately trying to shake his tiny tormentors off. Eddy started backing up, still yelping and smacking himself with every bite. Edd finally managed to haul himself up and escape the thick of the swarm. From that point on, there was only one thing to do…

"_**RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!**_"

The Eds immediately kicked it into high gear. Their combined sprint, though hasty, was somewhat more akin to drunken staggering than true sprinting as they zig-zagged through the trees, occasionally grabbing the trunks to keep themselves from falling, continuing to pat themselves down all the while and rid themselves of any stragglers. Eddy was the first to look back; where the grass gave way to bare dirt, he saw a mass of red skirting along the ground in hot pursuit.

"DOUBLE D! THEY'RE FOLLOWING US!"

Edd looked over his shoulder, confirming Eddy's decree. He faced forward again, his racing mind straining to find a proper escape route. If these ants were persistent enough to chase quarry many times their size, the chances of them following the trio up a tree or boulder was highly plausible. There had to be safe ground _somewhere,_ but he just wasn't seeing it. The forest was blurring together… spinning… stirring up the contents of his stomach… setting his throat on fire…

Barely conscious of his actions, Edd stumbled to a halt, leaned against his knees and loudly vomited onto the ground, his body quickly growing weak under the combined influence of his migraine and the venom. Eddy tripped up for only a moment, but otherwise continued to run while throwing his pal an anxious look. "DOUBLE D, COME ON!"

"RUN! THEY'RE GONNA EAT YOU!" Ed insisted, throwing Edd over his shoulder and chasing after Eddy.

His lopsided position and the constant motion didn't help Edd's stomach, nor did the sight of the fire ant colony still skittering after their lunch, but he did not protest. If anything, Ed's assistance gave him leeway to think. To clear his mind somewhat of the panic and focus on a way out.

Wait… What was that sound?

Edd looked to his right, Ed's left. Through the trees, he could see a streak of sparkling blue cutting through the forest. The gentle ambiance of flowing water filled his ears.

"There! The stream!" Edd shouted, pointing Ed in the proper direction. "Head for the stream!"

"This-a-way, Eddy!" Ed hollered, following Edd's finger, making a beeline for the water.

"Right behind ya, Lumpy!" Eddy responded, kicking up dirt as he turned a sharp ninety degrees and chased after Ed.

Water sprayed in all directions as Ed jumped headlong into the stream, shortly followed by Eddy, with Edd sliding off his perch soon thereafter. It was a relatively shallow brook, just barely reaching Eddy's chest, but it did its job well. The cold water soothed their burning skin. Any ants still clinging to them promptly detached and were swept away in the gentle current. The colony stopped along the bank. For a moment, Edd fretted that they might attempt to link together and raft across the water, but this ultimately proved not to be the case as the ants scuttled about in disappointment before retreating back into the brush.

"_WHEW…!_" Eddy splashed some water onto his face, then gave himself a moment to catch his breath. And here he was thinking that getting zapped across the planet and falling headlong out of a tree would be the worst thing that happened to him today. "Yeah…! Definitely don't remember seeing ants like that in Peach Creek!"

Edd was too exhausted to respond. All he could think to do was let the water wash over his burning body, relaxing his muscles, cooling off the welts that covered him. He briefly inspected the water, taking note of its crystalline color and, against his better judgment, scooping up a few handfuls and desperately slurping them down, quenching his dry, burning throat.

Ed slogged across the brook and crawled out on the opposite side, dropping to his hands and knees and shaking off the excess water like a dog. Even he had to agree that this was not a pleasant introduction to this new land. "Oww…! Those ants were meaner than the mecha beetles in _Rampage of the Bugbots 2: Assimilation!_"

"Yeah, not gonna lie," Eddy groaned as he waded through the water and onto the bank, promptly wringing out his shirt. "At this point, I'm willing to go along with the whole portal idea, 'cause I sure as heck don't know how else to explain the change in scenery or the pests that came with it!"

With a deep sigh, Edd removed himself from the stream and sat down next to his companions, drying off his sodden clothes as best he could. "I agree that our circumstances could be substantially worse… and that they could be significantly better as well. If this is what _we're_ to experience in this new land, I dread to imagine where the rest of our friends were delivered. It's certainly fortuitous that the three of us are still together."

"Got that right." Eddy briefly removed his tennis shoes, giving his socks a moment to air out. "So if I could go back to my earlier question… where do ya think we landed, Double D?"

Curled up, shivering, still lacking total focus, Edd looked up and studied his surroundings once more, piecing together information on the flora and fauna they had encountered in order to theorize possible locations. "Based on what few observations I have to go on thus far, I would say that our most likely placement is in California. Perhaps within or at least in close proximity to Yosemite National Park. As I stated, the trees appear similar to those native to the west coast, and there are records of red imported fire ants in the southern latitudes of the state."

"Sheesh." Eddy folded his arms. "First time going to California and I get dropped down a tree and munched on by bugs. This is _not_ how I wanted that vacation to go."

"I always thought California was where the movies were made," Ed humbly offered.

"Hollywood does not encompass the entire state, Ed," Edd replied.

"Woulda been a better place to land than _this_ backwood, anyway," Eddy griped. "So what're we supposed to do now? Just hike until we find civilization?"

Edd slowly pulled himself up on shaky legs. "I see no other option, Eddy. I cautiously hold out hope that we're close to a tourist site, if not an actual town or city. There may yet be someone out here who can guide us to a safe haven, and we're more likely to find them if we start walking now as opposed to sitting around and waiting for salvation to find us. Besides, I'm having difficulty ascertaining how much daylight remains. We don't want to be lost out here after dark."

"Yeah, I guess not." Eddy slipped his shoes back on. "Whatever gets me further away from the angry ant farm is fine by me."

"We venture forth into parts unknown!" Ed decreed, shooting to his feet. "Seeking adventure, intrigue, and maybe some ointment!"

"Looking forward to that last one for sure."

Edd took a deep breath and stared ahead, taking a moment to decide the best direction to travel in. "Let's go, gentlemen. The sooner we find another human being, the better."

Hugging his arms to brace himself against the cold and his insecurities, Edd began a limp slog towards what he desperately hoped was north. Ed bounded after him with a blissful grin and an eager skip, blazing right past Edd in a mere three seconds. For a short while, Eddy trailed behind, studying Edd's slacked posture with a deadpan frown. Sure, the two were equally annoyed at their situation, but Eddy knew his pals well by this point. He knew that Edd wasn't going to be on his A-game when he was _this_ mopey.

"Hey, come on," Eddy chided with a smirk, throwing an arm around his companion. "Lighten up, Sockhead. So we got dumped into a forest on the other side of the country and picked up some bug bites on the way. We've taken worse beatings before, haven't we?"

Edd shrugged, staring at his feet. "In terms of physical duress, I suppose we have been in less comfortable positions."

"Right! And hey, we didn't get dropped into the ocean or a volcano or something! You're still alive to marvel at the fact that the portal machine worked!"

"Yes, but I would have preferred to witness this success as an observer rather than an impromptu test subject."

"Hey, if nothin' else, there's bound to be fame in our future as the first human portal travelers! Once we get home to tell the tale, anyway."

Edd didn't have a response for that. He simply cast a scowl of accusation at Eddy out of the corner of his eye.

"Look…" Eddy raised his hands, then patted Edd on the shoulder. "We'll figure this out. We always do! 'Cause we're a team! And if this experience proved anything, it's that not even the boundaries of space and time can split this team up!"

It took a moment, but this declaration finally earned a meek smile from Edd. "And thank goodness for that. This is a journey I would rather none of us partake in alone."

"It'd be way more boring that way!" Eddy agreed before dashing ahead. "Now let's get moving before Ed wanders off the face of the earth! WAIT UP, LUNKHEAD!"

Edd let out a low chuckle at the sight, then took a deep breath and followed suit.

Their headaches had nearly faded into the background. Their nausea had settled fairly quickly. The welts that dotted their skin became little more than a light, occasional itch. Their damp clothes were hardly an issue. Seeking nothing more than a way out of this foreign wood, the Eds marched on, weaving through the labyrinth of redwoods, looking around for any signs of life, letting it truly soak in with a mixture of wonder and fear that they weren't in Peach Creek anymore.

* * *

"Guys? I'm hungry."

"We _know,_ Ed! You've only told us like fifty times!"

"I apologize for the discomfort, Ed, but I can't gauge with any certainty the potential toxicity of the local plant life. I don't want to see you risk it."

"Speaking of local plants, how much longer are we gonna be surrounded by 'em?!" Eddy loudly protested, spreading his arms out to full length. "We've been hiking all day and haven't seen so much as a dirt road! Are we the only people out here within a gazillion miles?!"

Edd slumped with a heavy sigh, equally frustrated and fatigued. "It's clear that my blind hope that we were close to civilization has not borne fruit."

"Aww…" Ed pouted. "I could go for some fruit."

"Will ya stop talkin' about food?!" Eddy snapped, clutching his own empty gut. "You're not the only one who hasn't eaten since breakfast!"

Opting to ignore his friends' banter for the sake of distracting himself from his own hunger, Edd stepped ahead of the group a bit, making his way towards a break in the treeline. Peering between the densely-packed trunks and ferns, he found himself staring across an open, rocky field that stretched out all of ten yards before dropping off into a sheer cliff. Beyond the plateau they stood upon, the redwood forest continued as far as the eye could see.

Upon catching up with Edd, Eddy pushed aside a fern to peek past him at the sprawling wood below. "Oh, look at that! A forest! Haven't seen _that_ today!"

"Oooooh…" Ed, on the other hand, was mesmerized by the endless waves of evergreen trees drenched in a golden glow. "Is this the enchanted forest, Double D?"

"If by 'enchanted' you mean 'eternal'!" Eddy bitterly responded. "How are we supposed to find our way out of this maze?!"

"That is the question, isn't it?" Edd breathed, glancing out at the horizon. The sun was already halfway set, casting the last of its warm yellow rays upon the forest, the skies above bathed in a soft gradient of reds and purples. Twilight would soon be upon them, and with it, the looming threat of nocturnal predators. The nearest lodging was nowhere to be found, and the Eds were all too exhausted to search for much longer.

"Perhaps it's best that we seek shelter for the night," Edd continued, not exactly enthusiastic about an impromptu camping trip. "It's getting late. My legs need a rest."

"Yer tellin' me," Eddy moaned, massaging his thigh. "I feel like I could sleep for the rest of the summer after that expedition. So where should we set up camp?"

"Preferably somewhere that offers protection from any hostile creatures," Edd mumbled, stepping out of the forest and into the open field. He cautiously approached the edge of the cliff, ever mindful of his footing as he glanced down at what looked to be a fifteen-story drop.

"If only I'd brought my voyager's pack," Ed mused with a thoughtful grin. "Then we'd have a bed, food, water, and lots of rope, 'cause no pack is complete without rope!"

"I can't tell if you're being serious or if you're confusing yourself for your L&W character again," Eddy grunted, scratching at a welt. "Or at this rate, both."

"We're on an adventure, Eddy! One full of magic and wonderment befitting of the Peach Vale Voyagers!" Ed swept his arm out at the sprawling landscape. "It's the warrior's duty to brave the odds, defend the weak, and roll for survival checks!"

Eddy rocketed onto his tiptoes, shooting Ed a devilish smirk. "You callin' me weak, Burhead?"

"Well, the thief class only gets a d8 hit die and mastery of light armor."

"When did I say I was gonna play a thief, huh?"

"Aw, come on, Eddy," Ed gleefully chided, scooping his vertically-challenged friend into a one-armed embrace. "We're the Fighter, the Mage, and the Thief! The classic adventure trio! A perfect combo of strength, smarts, and sneakiness!"

Eddy slipped out of Ed's grasp as smoothly as butter, his devious grin playfully growing wider. "Well, ya got one thing right today! If I'm gonna play the thief, let's see just how sneaky I can be!" Then Eddy dove back into the brush, weaseling his way through the tall grass.

"Ha _haaa!_" Ed snatched a large stick off the ground and readily chased after Eddy. "Show yourself, scoundrel of the deep dark! Face the might of Edmundus Greentoast!"

Ed came to a halt in a small clearing, having lost track of the rustling in the bushes. He narrowed his eyes and carefully looked around, play sword at the ready, scanning his surroundings for any sign of the dastardly rogue. He couldn't let his guard down. He had to be ready for any underhanded tactic. Wait, what smelled like waffles…?

"_AH!_"

A twig stretched out from between the fronds and poked Ed in the hip. In that same spot, Eddy showed his face again in short order. "GOTCHA!"

"A SNEAK ATTACK!" Ed swung his branch at the ferns just as Eddy slinked away again. He then resumed the pursuit with an absolutely adorable smile. "Foul villain! Come out and fight like a man, tricky little halfling!"

"Whoa whoa whoa…!" Eddy promptly stood up straight, raising a hand and frowning at Ed. "Thief, maybe, but I ain't playin' no halfling! Got it?"

"Fellows!" Edd waved the two down from across the field, soundly interrupting their game. "Over here!"

Eddy promptly freed himself from the tangle of ferns and dashed over Edd. Ed dropped his stick and followed close behind, asking, "Whadja find, Double D?"

"Down that way." Edd pointed to their left, his arm parallel with the cliff edge. "There's an outcropping in the rock wall about halfway down. It looks large enough to accommodate the three of us."

"We're gonna sleep on a sheet of rock?" Eddy protested. "I might be sick of trees, but I think I'd be more comfortable going to bed monkey style."

"I know it won't be pleasant…" Edd begrudgingly explained, "…but a tree is easier for animals to climb than a vertical stone surface is. We'll be better protected from predators here. Now let's go before we lose any more precious daylight."

"Fine," Eddy grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "But only 'cause I'm too tired to find someplace better."

"Ah, a good night's rest beneath the stars," Ed sighed wistfully as he and Eddy followed Edd to their designated site. "Sounds heavenly."

"Hopefully the only one we will have to endure out here," Edd responded, stopping once more at the edge and staring down at the shelf fifty feet below them. He took a moment to study the formations in the stone, mapping out the safest possible descent route he could find, pinpointing every potential foothold. Then he took a deep breath, steeled his nerves, stretched his muscles, and finally squatted in preparation, dipping his foot into the open air. "This will be a daunting climb…"

Eddy took a quick glance at the drop for himself, shrugging at the sight. "That rope Ed was talkin' about would be nifty, but hey, it doesn't look too bad to me. Right, Ed?" he asked as he swiftly climbed up and secured himself on Ed's back.

"No problem, Eddy!" Ed happily declared, blissfully unperturbed by his relegation to piggyback provider.

Once he had secured himself vertically on the rock wall, Edd looked up and cast a frown at Eddy's display of laziness. "Eddy…"

"What? We've been walking all day! Now yer askin' me to rock climb! My feet are killin' me, Double D!" Eddy retorted. "Besides, you don't mind, do ya, Ed?"

"I live for action, defending what's right, and gaining XP!" Ed replied with an exuberant grin, turning around and readying himself for the climb. "Let's go, Eddy! Onward to sanctuar- _Ohhhhh…_"

The moment Ed craned his neck to gauge his footing, catching a glimpse at the cliff he was being asked to descend, seeing just how much open space there was between him and the ground below, his acrophobia kicked in, locking him up on the spot. His muscles grew tense. His heart pounded in his chest. Sweat started pouring from his arched brow more heavily than usual.

Eddy sensed this tension from his perch on the big lug's back, raising an eyebrow. "C'mon, Lumpy. Down ya go."

Edd paused his climb, giving his shaking arms a moment to relax, glancing up at Ed. The obvious hesitation on display quickly worried him, prompting Edd to offer his encouragement. "Ed? It's okay. Eddy and I are right here."

"I'm scared, guys!" Ed wailed, hugging the grass like his life depended on it.

"Just focus on the formations of the rock in front of you, Ed. Don't think about the distance," Edd warmly continued. "Only worry about where to place your feet."

"Yeah, you got this," Eddy insisted, offering Ed a nudge on the shoulder. "What were you just sayin' about braving the odds and surviving or whatever? A little rock climbing's gotta be easier than dragon slaying, right?"

Ed's lip wibbled a little. Then he sucked in a deep breath through his nose and mustered a hard scowl of determination.

Seeing that Eddy's words had proven effective, Edd smiled and continued to appeal to Ed's roleplaying fixation. "You can do this, Edmundus! We will make it through this night, I swear!"

"I'm coming, Edvard!" Ed hollered back, finally lowering himself from the top of the plateau and engaging in a rapid but surprisingly controlled climb down the cliff. The conversation continued along the way, with Edd and Eddy cheering Ed on, and Ed spouting occasional, pseudo-inspirational non-sequiturs. The constant banter was doing its part to settle Edd's nerves as well, relaxing his mind and his muscles just enough to carry himself the rest of the way down. Eddy gladly looked between his two pals and the approaching rock shelf, eagerly egging them on once they were but a few feet above it.

Soon enough, Ed and Edd's feet touched down on the flat semicircle, giving them leeway to respectively sit down and sprawl out on the smooth stone. All three Eds unleashed simultaneous sighs of relief. Eddy slid off of Ed's back, sat down with his back against the cliff, and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Nice work, big guy."

"Thanks, Eddy," Ed breathed with a simple, subtle grin. No witty catchphrase this time. He was just happy they were all in a safe place.

"Whew…!" It was taking Edd a while longer to recuperate. His fingers ached, his shoulders were sore, and his knees were trembling. The physical exertion compounded with his hunger and the steady onset of dehydration were doing him no favors. The question of how they would get down from their perch was one he would save for the next morning. For now, all he cared about was rest, no matter how uncomfortable it would inevitably be.

"We… made it, gentlemen…" Edd eventually wheezed. "It's been a long and highly unusual day, but we made it."

"Yep. 'Cause we're survivors," Eddy smugly replied, folding his arms behind his head. A powerful yawn escaped his mouth shortly after making this declaration.

Infected by the sound, Ed rubbed his eyes and let out a yawn of his own. "Sleepytime, guys?"

"It may be our only opportunity," Edd answered. "Although, perhaps it would be wise that the three of us take shifts, as it were. One of us could stay awake for a few hours to keep watch, then wake up another to take over, just in case our safety measures aren't completely foolproo-"

"Not it," Eddy immediately stated, pointedly turning around and settling between two stones still radiating with warmth. "G'night."

Edd could only sigh at Eddy's defiance. His mood was significantly lifted, however, when Ed saluted him and happily declared, "I will take the first watch, Edvard!"

"Thank you, Ed…" For all the hard work that Ed was constantly put through, it genuinely warmed Edd's heart to witness his continued dedication. Simply overcoming his fear of heights for his friends' sake was something to be admired, and the fact that Eddy was safe and secure was something to be grateful for as well. What would they do without each other?

Staring out at the horizon as the last rays of daylight began to fade away, Edd allowed the tranquil ambiance of the forest soothe him. They would find their way home soon…

* * *

Sleep was not something that either Edd or Eddy had anticipated coming easily, but it was proving to be even more difficult than they would've liked.

"Ugh…" Eddy grumbled under his breath, squirming in his makeshift bed, straining to find another warm spot untouched by the cool night air. "Can someone phone the hotel staff? Tell 'em to bring up some more comfortable rocks?"

Edd was lying on his back, one hand cushioning his head, the other resting on his sternum. Though his eyelids were heavy and his bags pronounced, his eyes remained open, momentarily giving up on achieving the first stage of NREM. His mind would not settle, constantly dwelling on the day's events and his concerns for tomorrow. So instead of trying to absorb himself in darkness and the anxiety that came with it, Edd looked up at the stars, seeking to unwind.

Eddy rolled over, lazily sprawling out on his pile of rocks, his drowsy eyes glancing down at Edd. In the dim light, he could see his pal's open eyes. "Can't sleep either, huh, Sockhead?"

"I'm afraid slumber is eluding me, Eddy," Edd softly responded.

"Starting to think camping on a rock was a bad idea, or are ya just uncomfortable 'cause ya can't sticker everything?"

"Believe me, Eddy, labeling is the least of my worries right now."

Ed paid no attention to the conversation taking place between his insomnia-stricken companions. He too was stargazing, staring out in wonder at the luminescent nighttime sky, studying the delicate shadows cast by the forest beyond, soaking in the various calls of the nightlife. Crickets and cicadas chirped harmoniously. Owls hooted left and right. Somewhere in the distance, he swore he could hear a wolf howling. Some unidentifiable animal on the other side of the forest let out what could only be described as a sneeze. Whatever it was, it was all so alien and magical to the young man.

"I'm simply trying to distract myself from my more troubling thoughts," Edd continued. "Enough that I can feasibly settle into a more restful mindset."

Eddy let out a stiff groan. "Relaxing is not that complicated, Double D. Stop taking everything so seriously. You're gonna go insane if you worry about it too much. Just stop thinking so hard and maybe that will shut your brain off."

Edd let out a sigh, in no mood to argue about this but continuing the conversation anyway. "Can you blame me for being concerned? We still have nary an idea what our exact location is, let alone that of everyone who followed us onto the testing grounds."

"They couldn't have landed much farther from us, could they? I'm not gonna act like I'm a portal expert, but I doubt it spat us all out at random." Eddy rolled onto his back and steadily sunk back into the lukewarm stone. "We'll find 'em."

"I hope you're right…" Edd breathed, his eyes slowly flicking about as he studied the skies above. The soft silver light of the waxing crescent moon filled only a tiny corner of the midnight blue canvas. The rest of it was aglow with fantastically brilliant stars, shining with a luminescence the likes of which Edd had never seen before. "I will say this on a positive note: The sky out here is absolutely astounding."

Taking note of this remark, Eddy folded his arms and focused his gaze on the sky as well. It wasn't often that he was taken aback by natural beauty –heck, he could say he'd seen his fill of trees for one lifetime in a single day– but this was admittedly doing it for him. "Wow. Never seen stars that bright."

"We're likely quite a ways away from any civilization large enough to cast a significant amount of light pollution," Edd mused. "Even our suburban home produces enough light to dim the skies. This is a pure, unfiltered glimpse into the heavens."

"Not bad," Eddy confessed, mentally tracing the dotted patterns above.

The smallest hint of a smile crossed Edd's face. It seemed like he was finally beginning to achieve respite. Lying there, observing the stars alongside Ed and Eddy… it really was an opportunity he could appreciate. However, it didn't take long for his grin to be replaced with a confused frown and a slight tilt of his head. "Odd…"

"What's odd?" Eddy absentmindedly asked.

"I can't seem to find Polaris."

"Polaris? That one's the fish, right?"

"No no, Polaris is a single star. The North Star." Feeling spurred by his discovery, Edd sat up and started pointing to various locations in the sky. "The sun set over there, meaning that's west, so the North Star should roughly be right about _there._ But it isn't, and it doesn't seem like Ursa Major and Ursa Minor are either."

Eddy propped himself up a bit, confused by Edd's observations. "You sure you're lookin' in the right direction?"

"I'm nearly positive." Edd rubbed his chin, steadily getting worried again. "These stars are… completely foreign to me. Maybe… Maybe we landed in South America? That would explain the lack of the North Star as well as the fire ants…"

"Double D, you're getting worked up again," Eddy grunted, frustrated that the mood had been killed. "We'll figure out where we are in the morning, okay?"

"Look, guys!" Ed suddenly spoke up, excitedly pointing upward. "Another moon!"

Despite his returning anxiety, Edd had to sigh at that remark. "Come now, Ed, that's a bit far-fetched, even in light of every other circumstance."

Eddy found himself a bit more curious, however, sitting up and following Ed's line of sight. When he spotted what Ed was pointing at, he responded with a perked eyebrow and a tilted head. "I dunno. Kinda looks like a moon to me."

"That's astronomically impossible," Edd insisted, inching closer to the two so he could take a look for himself. "It's probably just a satellite or a-"

As soon as he saw it, though, Edd was silenced on the spot, his sleepy stupor vanishing entirely as his eyes shot wide open.

It shouldn't have been possible. It _wasn't_ possible. He tried to convince himself that his eyes were deceiving him. But no. In clear violation of all astronomical principles, a second celestial body was on display in the night sky, glowing with a soft shade of bronze, currently nearing its last quarter phase. Edd's head snapped back to where he first saw the moon, as if attempting to prove to himself that there was indeed only one, but the silver crescent from before was still in its place, and no matter how many times he looked back and forth between the two, neither moon vanished from his sight.

"_That's_ definitely different," Eddy admitted, though he hardly seemed fazed by the sight. "Have we always had two moons? Has the second one just been hiding behind the first this whole time?"

"N-No… Eddy…" Edd responded incredulously, barely able to muster a squeak. "Earth has _never_ had two moons."

Ed's eyes lit up with a stunning realization, reflecting the stars in all their splendor. Eddy slowly drew himself away from the image of the moon, turning to Edd in sheer disbelief. "Hold on… What're you tryin' to say, Double D?"

Edd continued to stare at the second moon, his stiff body practically numb. He couldn't fathom what he was about to say, but the evidence was staring him in the face from the skies above. It couldn't be denied any longer…

"Wherever we are, Eddy… it isn't on Earth."

* * *

Carlisle idly poked at the campfire with a stick, resting his chin in his free hand. He paid no mind to the hustle and bustle taking place around the camp, losing himself in his own thoughts. Sitting across from him was a redheaded dwarf in silvery-white half-plate armor, who had busied himself with stirring the pot that rested above the fire, humming a little ditty all the while.

The dwarf looked up, staring at the squire with intrigue, brushing a hand along his braided beard. "Ye got somethin' on yer mind there, lad?"

"Hmm?" Carlisle's attention snapped forward, though it took him a moment to comprehend the question he was being asked. "Oh, um… It's nothing that I would want to concern you with."

"Ah, come on now." The dwarf smiled warmly at the young man. "What's troublin' ye? Ye can tell ol' Gradrack. I wouldnae tell a'body yer secrets."

Carlisle let out a heavy sigh as he tossed his stick into the fire. He turned away from Gradrack and looked around the camp. The paladins were still hard at work surrounding the area with snares and trapping spells, a process that had begun well over two hours ago. Thorough to the very end, as he was accustomed to in this company, but something about the intense measures they were taking irked him. Still, he was hesitant to elaborate.

Sensing this, Gradrack smirked at Carlisle and briefly went back to cooking. He gave the stew a quick taste test and nodded, pleased with the results. Then he dished some into a bowl and offered it to the squire. "Eat. Put some mince 'n tatties on yer bones, ye wee lad."

For a moment, Carlisle simply stared at the bowl of meat, potatoes and broth. Even when he accepted it, he didn't eat, simply continuing to gaze into it with borderline disappointment, like he was waiting impatiently for the stew to show him his future. Eventually he let out another sigh and glanced back up at the dwarf. "I'm by no means questioning King Audric's orders. I understand the purpose behind them and am honored to see them through. I'm… merely troubled by the potential risks our venture entails."

"Ahhhhh…" Gradrack slowly nodded, quickly deducing what the boy was alluding to. "Ne'er seen a dragon before, have ye?"

"No."

Gradrack laughed heartily as he poured himself some stew, scooping up mouthfuls even as he continued to speak. "Ah remember the first time ah laid me own eyes on a dragon! 'Bout toalied me britches, ah did, ha ha ha!"

The dwarf's anecdote wasn't exactly settling Carlisle's nerves.

"But ye got no reason to be feart. Ye got us lookin' out for ye! If ah know Radley, 'n ah do, he's not about to let some great, scaly beast near ye." Gradrack pointed to Carlisle with his spoon. "Ah seen the way he looks at ye. Like yer own da, he is."

"That he is…" Carlisle quietly mused, finally beginning to nibble on some stew. "I just don't want him to think less of me for my anxieties."

"Yer bum's oot the windae! Don't e'en think of it, lad!" Gradrack waved him off. "A'body gets nervous sometimes. Ah think no lessa yeez for it, 'n neither will Radley."

"I won't think any less of _what?_"

Carlisle and Gradrack simultaneously turned their heads in the direction of the new voice, not to mention the familiar clicking of full plate armor. Sir Radley approached with a calm, collected grin, his warm brown eyes trained on his squire. Carlisle locked up on the spot, while Gradrack simply smirked, gestured to him and stated, "The lad can tell ye. Ah'm no gobber." Then he went right back to shoveling down food.

Radley sat down next to Carlisle on the log, receiving no eye contact in return from the bashful young squire. "Nervous?"

"S-Somewhat…"

A soft chuckle and a pat on the back brought Carlisle's gaze back to his master. Radley's smile hadn't faltered. "Dealing with dragons is no small feat. That's what has you bothered, isn't it?"

Carlisle simply, warily nodded before turning away and going back to eating his stew.

"Don't you worry, son. I'm prepared to do everything in my power to make this encounter as civil as possible. So long as this dragon is not hostile, we have no intention of harming it, and once it knows that, there is a chance it will hear us out. Don't think of it as a monster. Instead, think of it as a drake… only larger and with wings. You can manage that, can't you?"

"I suppose…"

Radley smirked. "Carlisle? Look at me."

Once he had his squire's attention again, Radley firmly, softly continued, "It'll be alright. The dragons know what we're up against. Many of them seek to combat it as well. Once we have convinced this one of our purpose, it may very well prove to be a formidable ally, or at the very least, it could point us in the direction we have been seeking."

"And you're certain that catching it in snares will not turn it against us?"

"Such precautions are necessary. After all, it may very well be crystallized. We won't know until we see it at close range." Radley stared into the middle distance, then turned back to Carlisle. "In either case, you are right to fear that it will not listen to reason. But this is why we're here. This is the sort of mission we have been trained for. And with every breath I take, I swear I will allow no harm to come to you, son."

Carlisle cast a sad, anxious glance at the ground, slowly nodding back to Radley. "I'm prepared for whatever may come of this encounter, physically if not wholly emotionally. I know I can trust you and the others with my life. It will be a new experience for me, certainly, but I will remain cautiously optimistic."

"Ah, 'n who knows?" Gradrack spoke up through a mouthful of stew. "May-a this 'ere dragon won't e'en show up to gab with us. May-a he's gotten sick of flyin' laps o'er the wood 'n crawled back into his hole."

"I pray that's not the case," Radley sighed as he rubbed a speck of dirt off his armor. "The scouts claim that he was last seen flying fifty leagues south of here two days ago. I want to believe he has not abandoned this wood yet."

"I've been meaning to ask…" Carlisle murmured after choking down more of his dinner. "What's a dragon doing out this way anyhow? I thought the dragons had long abandoned the Emberknoll Wood."

To that, Radley slowly looked up and cast a steely, knowing glare into the forest. "If the rumors are true… he's out here looking for the memorial."

* * *

"I KNEW IT, I _KNEW _IT!"

Eddy paced in a furious circle, openly confusing an ever-blissful Ed, mostly unnoticed by a mortified Edd. All the while, the trio's de facto leader continued to shout, "I _knew_ getting suckered into your fantasy game would land me in something like this!"

"Eddy, you say that as if serendipitous teleportation to another _planet_ is the next logical step after engaging in a tabletop roleplaying game!" Edd choked up incredulously.

"After all that talk last night about traveling to a magical alternate universe?! Yeah, it might as well be!" Eddy retorted, throwing his hands up. "Well, I hope you're happy, 'cause _here we are!_ Lost in the middle of some enchanted forest on the other side of reality! Good luck finding someone to help us get home _now!_"

"_Please!_" Edd irately interjected. "This revelation is stressful enough without you ranting about the irony in our situation! Is it too much to ask that I be given a moment to deliberate without being yelled at?!"

"Hey, sorry for being freaked out in my own way!" Eddy snapped, bringing himself to a halt and scowling directly at Edd. "But considering I spent the whole day walking through a never-ending forest, thinking we were gonna find human civilization at one point or another, only to be told we're _not even on Earth anymore,_ I think I have the right to be mad!"

"The _right?!_ We're only here because _you_ deliberately walked into portal testing grounds!"

"I wasn't the only one! Like the others were asking for it any more than I was! 'Sides, it's not _my_ fault those maniacs at the lab didn't think to check the machines first!"

"Okay, _no!_ I am _not_ arguing about this right now! Screaming at each other isn't going to alleviate matters!"

"Then what are we supposed to _do?!_"

"I don't know!"

"You don't _know?! _That's all you have to say for yourself?! How are we supposed to find our way out of here?! How do we know we're not alone out here?! How the heck are we supposed to get _home?!_"

"**I DON'T **_**KNOW!**_"

"_STOP IT!_" A small rock flew through the open space that separated Edd and Eddy. Startled by the projectile, they both turned and met a stern-faced and visibly upset Ed. "Stop fighting! The party has enough to battle without infighting!"

"Ed, don't call us the 'party!'" Eddy protested. "This isn't one of your stupid games!"

"Don't you sass me, boy! Now go to your room!"

"MY ROOM IS IN ANOTHER _DIMENSION!_"

"Eddy…"

The attention turned back to Edd, still clearly scared out of his wits but looking and sounding significantly calmer. "Ed… Ed is right. We're not going to survive out here if we spend our journey at each other's throats."

"Thank you very much," Ed grunted proudly. Eddy simply responded with folded arms and a low huff.

"But Eddy makes a fair point as well, Ed," Edd continued. "This isn't a game. We are very much lost in alien territory, and now that we have a greater understanding of how separated we are from the world we know, our trials will undoubtedly prove to possess an even greater risk than we had initially anticipated."

Ed sadly stared back at Edd, the severity of the situation apparently sinking in for the big lug as he slowly nodded. Eddy's shoulders drooped while his glare softened into a slightly miffed, slightly worried frown.

"I won't lie to you fellows… I'm terrified." Edd gazed out at the sprawling, moonlit forest. "I can't begin to imagine what we may encounter as we continue. I don't know what our chances are at a safe and timely return to our own realm."

His eyes then flicked back to his companions. "But you said it yourself, Eddy. We're a team. And the only way we'll have even the slightest chance at survival is if we act like one. So… I apologize for yelling. I understand that you're stressed. I can sympathize. The fact of the matter is that we're _here,_ and I'm willing to overlook the factors that resulted in our voyage for the sake of seeing it through here and now."

"Yeah…" Eddy sighed, looking up at Edd with a mix of exhaustion and admission. "'m sorry too. Guess we'll just… have to keep looking around here and see if we can't find a way out."

Ed perked up just enough to offer his pals a warm, encouraging smile. "We'll be okay. All roads lead to home, don't they?"

"That is how the saying goes…" Edd breathed, mustering his own half-hearted smile in return. He wanted to agree with that sentiment, but the numerous variables and concerns tumbling around in his head prevented him from fully embracing Ed's optimistic view. At the very least, he certainly appreciated it.

Eddy shrugged and put on a smirk himself. "Yeah. I mean… this place doesn't look too different from Earth. How bad could it be? If the worst thing that happens to us is a few bug bites, this might turn out alright."

"Perhaps…" Edd looked to the sky, staring into the bronze glow of the second moon. "For now, we really should try to get some sleep. Our potentially perilous journey will be less strenuous after a moment's rest."

"The headache I'm bound to get from sleeping on this rock sure as heck ain't gonna make it easier," Eddy grumbled as he slowly lowered himself back into a reclining position on the stone surface. "But whatever. Too tired to find something better. G'night."

"Sleep tight, my friends," Ed mused with a chipper grin. "Adventure awaits us at dawn."

"It certainly does, Ed…" Edd yawned, smiling back at Ed before laying down against the cliff face. "Please don't feel inclined to stay up all night. You need rest too. When you feel you've had enough, don't hesitate to awaken one of us and let us stand vigil."

"Okie-dokie, Double D."

"Good night, Ed…"

"Nighty-night. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

"A little late for that, Lumpy."

Merely responding to Eddy's half-conscious quip with an airy snort, Edd curled up just tight enough to hopefully keep warm and let his eyelids slip shut. Still, his brain refused to settle. The nighttime ambiance made him question the nature of the local fauna. The vastness of the forest threatened a long and arduous voyage with no promise of an end. Their present location prompted him to question once more if the other Peach Creek kids had been transported to this same world. He subconsciously remained aware of the twin moons staring down at them from above, serving as a constant reminder that a vast cosmos separated the Eds from their home.

Despite these fears and more that plagued his psyche, Edd did eventually succumb to his exhaustion, falling asleep within the hour. Eddy, having evidently tuckered himself out with his tantrum, quietly snoozed next to him, while Ed sat nearby in a blissful hush, plunging their little safe haven into peaceful silence. And as the Eds slipped away into this pocket of respite, lost to this strange new world, the same question lingered over each of them, bouncing around in their heads, echoing in their dreams, tugging at their wandering hearts and minds.

_Where were they…?_


	4. Metal and Bone

A/N: Whew! Hey, guys! Been a little while, hasn't it? Consider the wait a consequence of uploading three chapters in such short succession, as well as me being generally busy with the end of one college term and the beginning of another. C'est la vie. But hey, it's finally time to resume the ride, so let's see what shenanigans these boys can get into in this new, fantastical realm!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Metal and Bone**

"_Snrt…_"

Eddy flinched in his sleep, twitching his nose and slowly opening his heavy eyes. The sunlight was an unwelcome barrage on his retinas, warded off only by blinking until his eyes finally adjusted. Every other part of his body was taking a significantly longer time to get comfortable. His back and neck were sore, his mouth and throat were bone dry, and a putrid odor filled his nostrils.

Though he was still too tired to move his muscles, Eddy did manage to quickly deduce where the smell was coming from. Somehow in the middle of the night, Ed had wound up beneath him, the oaf's stomach acting as a makeshift pillow, rising and falling with his rhythmic snores. Likewise, Edd was still snoozing on the other side of the rock shelf, curled up like a cat with his hands tucked under his head.

So much for taking turns on lookout. Oh well. At least that meant Eddy got a semi-decent sleep.

Eddy let out a low yawn and slightly propped himself up on his arms, stretching his aching back, rubbing his shoulder blade where an odd rise in the stony surface had been jabbing him. He could tell it was going to take a while until he was back in working order, but that suited him fine. He would gladly put off day two of their hike through the magic forest for as long as possible.

His eyes slowly trailed about, soaking in their surroundings. Yep, the forest was still there. The trees were still there, the rocks were still there, the cliff was-

Eddy suddenly locked up, his stiff body going completely rigid, his eyes widening to saucer size as they stared upward with dread.

After a few seconds of petrification, his gaze flicked in Edd's direction. He wasn't close enough for Eddy to nudge him with his foot, but he didn't dare move an inch to reach him. All he could rely on was a soft, sharp whisper. "_Double D… Double Deeeee…_"

"Mmh…" Graciously, Edd started to rouse, his eyes squeezing tighter before gently sliding open. After stirring in place for a moment, he lifted his head a few inches, rubbed the sleepies from his eyes, and glanced up at his active companion. "Good morning, Eddy-"

"_Shhh…!_" Eddy quickly hissed back, silencing Edd on the spot with his dire expression.

He reached behind him and gave Ed's flank a light shove, earning a confused snort as the lump steadily pulled himself out of his slumber. "Breakfast…?"

"_SHHHHH!_" Eddy hissed again, scowling at his companions, briefly pausing to ensure that they were both awake and giving him their undivided attention. Once he was certain of that much, he urgently pointed a finger skyward, directing Ed and Edd's eyes to the space above them.

Ed clenched inward and went stiff. A sharp inhale wheezed through Edd's teeth.

Directly above them, perched on the edge of the cliff, an eagle stared down at the trio. Even at a glance, all three Eds could tell that this was no ordinary bird. Its exact size was difficult to gauge from their position, but it clearly dwarfed any eagles on Earth, and it was distinctly possible that it might tower over them as well. The morning sunlight gleamed off its lustrous golden feathers. Its amber eyes blazed with intense focus. It didn't move a muscle, silently eyeing the boys that it loomed over.

"Make no sudden movements…" Edd mumbled timidly, cautiously studying this curious bird. His fascination took a backseat to fear as he unintentionally locked eyes with the avian beast. Given that this was an unnaturally large bird of prey, Edd had to consider the possibility that the eagle saw them as a potential meal, a threat that clearly was not lost on Ed or Eddy.

Ed warily turned to his friends, soaking in their frightened expressions. Then he looked back up at the giant eagle, suddenly finding himself feeling woefully unprepared for an encounter with the beasts of this world. This is not how he expected his first interaction with the supernatural to play out. "P-Pretty bird…"

Eddy turned away from the eagle, keeping perfectly still otherwise. He glanced down the steep rock wall, noting that the drop to ground level was still fairly lengthy. For all intents and purposes, they were stranded on this ledge, trapped with an animal that could easily outpace them. Between fight or flight, it looked like fight was the more likely option, but Eddy didn't feel so inclined to completely rule out the latter.

"Guys?" Eddy murmured, taking in their immediate surroundings, minimal as they were. "I have an idea…"

Before Eddy could elaborate, the eagle reeled back, spread its wings, and leaped off its perch with its talons extended and aimed at the trio.

"_SCATTER!_"

At Eddy's panicked command, the Eds sprung into action with a series of startled cries. Ed and Eddy jumped one way, with Ed slamming into the wall while Eddy narrowly stopped himself at the edge of the shelf. Edd scrambled in the opposite direction, just barely avoiding tumbling off the edge himself, his arms shaking as they clung to the stone.

The eagle landed in the open space where the Eds once sat, and the moment it did, its size became apparent. Sure enough, the raptor proved to surpass average human height, with the top of its head reaching several inches above Ed's, boasting a size comparable to a horse. And yet, this was not the most shocking discovery.

With its wings raised, the eagle fully displayed a lower body that extended well beyond a typical bird's tail. Its feathers gradually grew shorter further down its muscular body, eventually transitioning into sandy brown fur. A pair of feline legs supported the back of its quadrupedal form, and a thin, lion-like tail completed the image, swishing about with great ferocity.

Never slowing, offering little time for observation, the griffon charged ahead and pounced after Eddy.

"AAH-!" Propelling himself on his hands and knees, Eddy quickly rolled to his right and away from the encroaching beast, narrowly dodging its talons and beak. He shot upright, finding himself in an undesirable position with his back against the wall, heavy breaths escaping his open mouth.

When the griffon swiveled around for a second attempt, Eddy suddenly found himself hoisted off his feet, the back of his shirt snatched by Ed. The big lug had already scaled several feet up the cliff, hastily throwing Eddy over his shoulder as he continued to climb diagonally towards the other end of the ledge. "WE'RE COMING, DOUBLE D!"

"ED!" Eddy squirmed in his awkward position, scowling down at their winged assailant "You idiot, this isn't gonna-!"

"_SCREEEEEEEEEE…!_"

"_**YAAAAA-HA-HAAAAAOOOOOUUUUUCH!**_"

The griffon effortlessly lifted itself off the ground and swiped at the escaping duo. Ed raised his head with an agonized wail when the talons dragged along his back, shredding his jacket, drawing blood, digging in and refusing to let go. Despite the searing pain, Ed managed to maintain his hold on the wall. Eddy, without thinking, reached out and clonked the griffon on the head, disorienting it just enough for it to lose its grip and drop back onto the ledge.

After only a few seconds spent shaking itself off, the griffon was struck once again by a small stone just above its eye. It furiously whipped around, facing the culprit.

Edd was quaking in his shoes, just barely maintaining his firm stance. Another stone was clutched in his sweaty palm. He tried to shout to his friends, but all he could muster was a loud squeak, his bravado crumbling as his eyes met the burning yellow orbs of this half-bird, half-mammal monstrosity.

The griffon lunged at the scrawny boy. Edd reflexively and spastically threw the rock, missing entirely in his terrified flailing. The world spun and a headache struck like thunder as he quickly found himself pinned beneath the griffon's foot, pressed against the stone surface, screaming with unrestrained horror.

"DOUBLE D!" Eddy freed himself from Ed's grasp, dropping back onto his feet. He immediately bent down and grabbed a large, jagged rock, then charged at the griffon, effortlessly hauling his makeshift weapon as he rode on the waves of adrenaline. With all his might, he raised the rock over his head, then slammed it down on the griffon's tail, driving the pointed ridges into the cracks in the earth.

The beast unleashed a sharp cry and reared up on its hind legs, giving Edd leeway to scurry out from underneath it. With the griffon incapacitated, seeing his opportunity, Ed continued to skirt towards it along the wall. Once he was in position, Ed hurled himself off the vertical surface with a mighty war cry, landing on the griffon's back.

"BEGONE, SCAVENGER OF THE FORGOTTEN REALMS!"

The griffon bucked and jerked, desperate to shake off the annoying pest. Ed wrapped his arms around its head, straining to keep its beak clamped shut. Its tail twitched as it struggled to slip free from the rock pinning it down.

"Attaboy, Monobrow!" Eddy hollered before turning to Edd and grabbing him by the wrist. "Ya ready, Sockhead?!"

"Ready?!" Edd repeated incredulously, glancing between Eddy and the griffon. It didn't take long for him to deduce what Eddy's plan was. "You are _not_ serious!"

"Brace yourself, Ed!"

"EDDY, DON'T…!"

The griffon reared onto its hind legs again, raking its talons through the open air. Ed clung to it for dear life.

"_GO!_"

Eddy raced headlong towards the beast, dragging Edd alongside him.

"EDDY WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT _**WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIT!**_"

In one fluid motion, Eddy kicked the rock loose and jumped onto the griffon.

With its tail freed and a sudden weight slamming into its back, the griffon clumsily stumbled forward, its talons desperately scraping against the stone but failing to catch, sending it and its three passengers hurtling off the cliff and towards the ground.

Ed and Edd screamed at the top of their lungs. Eddy released a half-scared, half-exhilarated holler. All three of them clung tightly to their impromptu mount with tense, shaking muscles. The griffon flapped its wings, slowing their inelegant descent only mildly, flailing in its attempts to go airborne and get these creatures off of it. Finally, the four crash-landed, the griffon taking the brunt of the impact and skidding several feet across the grass. The Eds were launched in multiple directions, tumbling a few feet more before crumpling to a halt.

Ed lifted his head out of the dirt, briefly grabbing it to stop it from spinning. As he slowly stood up, his hand flew to his back and a soft whimper escaped his throat. The claw marks in his back were stinging like crazy.

"Oww…" Edd limply sat up and stared up the cliff at the perch they had fallen from, barely able to catch his breath. He didn't have it in him to be angry at Eddy for that foolish stunt. At least they were alive and on the ground. Silver lining.

"WHOO! OKAY!" Eddy sprung to his feet, bouncing back and forth like a boxer before the fight, watching as the griffon steadily picked itself up. "That was _my_ contribution! What's the next plan?!"

"Uh…!" Edd didn't have an answer for that. Ed was frozen where he stood. The griffon shook itself off, its ruffled feathers standing on end, turning to its prey with an enraged shriek.

All of a sudden, the griffon grew tense and looked away from the Eds. It cast a flustered glare into the forest, the tip of its tail twitching, its wings spreading with anticipation. A rustle in the trees caught the trio's ears. Subtle vibrations rippled through the earth.

With an unpleasant, angry squawk, the griffon turned away from the source of its distress and took off in a sprint, never looking back at the Eds, flapping its wings and seamlessly lifting itself into a steady flight.

"Oh boy…" Though the glorified vulture was gone, Eddy still didn't like where this was going. "_Now_ what?"

Right on cue, just as the griffon disappeared behind the canopy, the cause for concern made itself known.

A herd of animals entered the clearing at a casual, steady pace, easily breaking through the thick underbrush with only their chests and feet. Ed clung to a tree trunk while Edd and Eddy simultaneously pressed themselves against the sheer cliff wall to avoid being trampled by the group of ten… fifteen… twenty enormous creatures. From there, they took a moment to observe these newfound marvels of nature.

The beasts were absolutely huge, with the adults that marched at the outer circle of the herd reaching roughly ten feet in height. Their bodies were thick, bearing dimensions that looked to be halfway between that of an elephant and a horse, covered in short, umber fur with dark stripes like a tiger. Their heads were distinctly elephantine, sporting long, pronounced trunks, ivory tusks, and in the case of the largest members, a matching pair of horns. Their ears, however, were much smaller and more rounded than those of their pachyderm relatives, blending into their lion-like manes. Their vertical legs seemed to bear the support of an elephant, the musculature of a gorilla, and the clawed paws of a feline. In the back, they displayed long, wiry tails tipped with a tuft of fur, not unlike a cow's.

"COOL!" Ed had no idea what these animals were, but that ignorance only enhanced his fascination with these chimeric giants. His eyes sparkled and his smile brimmed as he watched them trot past him and his friends. "I dub thee ELEONS!"

"Ed, keep your voice down!" Edd sharply murmured, just loud enough to be heard over the stomping. "We don't know what they might do if we startle them."

"Well, I'd rather not stick around to find out!" Eddy insisted. "Let's split while they're not looking!"

Edd was keen to agree with that notion, but before he could take a single step, one the animals slowed to a halt right in front of him, glancing down at the boy with its beady eyes. He locked up on the spot, anxiously staring back at the beast, tactfully avoiding eye contact, silently pleading through his meek expression and low posture that he not be harmed. The eleon raised its trunk, audibly sniffing Edd, fearlessly leaning over slightly to examine him. Then it slowly turned away and resumed its pace alongside the herd.

At that moment, Edd's worries slowly faded. He leaned away from the cliff, watching the herd in awe as the final stragglers at the back passed them by. These animals were not afraid of them, but they showed no apparent aggression towards them either. This revelation filled him with a sense of wonder and hope.

"Aww, they're so cute!" Ed crooned, stepping away from his hiding spot and regrouping with his pals. "And look! They have friends!"

Taking note of Ed's remark, Edd looked around and spotted a number of smaller woodland critters scurrying through the forest in the same direction as the eleons. Wild boars, deer, squirrels, rabbits… with _antlers?_ Jackalopes, perhaps? All of them were following closely behind the herd. Upon further investigation of the eleons themselves, Edd noticed several birds of varying shapes and sizes comfortably perched atop the great beasts.

Eddy frowned, looking less impressed by the native fauna. "Hey, they didn't kill us, so I'm not complaining. Anyway, we oughta get outta here."

"Actually…" Edd spoke up, his eyes still focused on the eleons. "Perhaps it would be wise to follow them."

"Uh, sorry, _what?_"

Edd glanced between Ed and Eddy with a renewed sense of confidence. "Judging by their anatomical similarities to elephants, there's a strong possibility that these animals are herbivores. Prey animals are clearly inclined to seek protection from them, and if that creature's hasty retreat was any indication, they may be able to ward off local predators. If we stay close, we may be able to circumvent this forest's more dangerous inhabitants."

"YAY! March of the eleons!" Ed decreed, already scampering after the herd with enough pep in his step that his wounds might as well have been nonexistent.

Eddy mustered a smirk and a nod. That fight with the griffon had taken a toll on all of them, and if Edd believed this would provide them with a breather, Eddy could go along with it. "Yeah, okay, I see what you're getting at. I guess as long as they don't try to eat or step on us, I'm good."

"Fingers crossed," Edd mumbled in agreement as he and Eddy caught up to Ed. Together, they trudged after the herd, never drawing too close, never straying too far behind, keeping their new protectors within their sight and minds. Would wonders never cease?

* * *

Midday came sooner rather than later. The sun shone through the weaves of the canopy, igniting a stifling summer heat. The shade was nice while it lasted, but soon the herd reached a break in the treeline and continued their trek across a wide clearing that skirted along the bottom of the cliffs, where the sun beat down on their tag-alongs without mercy. Graciously, several minutes in, the eleons stopped at the bank of a crystalline river, taking the time to drink and bathe themselves in the cold water. Their traveling companions promptly followed suit, but once hydration was no longer an issue, one such straggler found another task to see through.

"There we go…" Edd smiled with calm contentment at Ed's bare back, freshly cleaned of the blood from his wounds. To his relief, the cuts themselves were not the deep lacerations he had feared they would be and were already mostly clotted. They would certainly take a long while to heal, but at least they weren't fatal. "How do you feel, Ed?"

"Feeling spiffy, Double D!" Ed cheerfully responded. The big lug had certainly flinched a few times during the cleaning process, but his tolerance for pain was ever impressive.

"I'm glad to hear." Edd stepped up to the river again to wash his damp and blood-soaked handkerchief. "I do wish that I had access to proper medical supplies. I dread the risk of infection that we face out here. At the very least, I am relieved that your injuries were not more grievous."

Ed beamed with pride. "I'm thick-skinned, right, guys?"

"Yeah, especially in your head!" Eddy teased, down on his hands and knees as he greedily slurped up the river's water. "You handled yourself pretty well back there, Lumpy!"

"We survived our first encounter with a magical monster!" Ed chimed whimsically. Now that they were not in imminent danger, he could actually revel in their discovery. "This world has _griffons! _It was so cool!"

"Finding it kinda hard to be excited about the monster that almost _ate_ us."

"It is curious that this world is home to creatures that exist within Earth's mythology," Edd mused, eyeing a nearby jackalope as it lapped up water. "It makes me curious what other legendary beasts we might recognize out here."

"Yeah!" Ed's excitement was boundless. "Like goblins! Or werewolves! Or _dragons!_"

Eddy raised an eyebrow at Ed. "Are you actively _wishing_ to be something's dinner?"

"Not only that…" Edd continued, staring out at the horizon, heedless of whether his companions were still listening to him. "…but what if there's some sort of connection between this world and ours that would explain our accounts of these beasts? After all, there must be a reason why we were transported _here_ of all places."

"Can we save the theories for later?" Eddy asked bluntly, standing up and stretching his back. "Maybe focus on finding a way out of these woods first?"

"Ah! Yes." Edd shook himself off, deciding that their present survival was priority. He stood back up, wrung out his still slightly pink handkerchief, and placed it around his neck as a means to dry it and cool himself off. Then he nodded to Ed and Eddy. "Seeing as how our bodyguards are still preoccupied, perhaps we should spend the remainder of this rest period seeking sustenance."

"_Food!_" Now _there_ was a suggestion that Eddy could get behind. "Finally!"

"Breakfast for Ed!"

"Let's see then…" Edd led the trio into the nearby underbrush, eyeing a small herd of deer that had been following the eleons for most of the hike. While Ed and Eddy started poking their noses into various bushes, Edd watched the deer, studying their grazing patterns. Most of them were munching on clovers and grasses, but a few of them were picking fruits off of the low-hanging branches of trees. The same type of fruit and tree, he noticed.

"Hmm…" Edd cautiously approached. The deer perked their ears but otherwise paid him no mind. Once assured that he wasn't going to spook the timid animals, Edd reached up and plucked a fruit for himself. It was the same color as a plum, the shape, size and texture of a peach, and pleasantly ripe judging by its density and succulent aroma. It seemed promising, and yet he hesitated.

"Whatcha got there? Fruit?"

Edd jumped and turned around. He hadn't even noticed Eddy approaching, finding the shorter young man standing right behind him, carrying several large sticks. The latter certainly caught Edd guard. "Um, yes? What do you have that wood for?"

"Gonna sort out which ones to use for fire and which ones are sharp enough to take down one of these deer," Eddy explained. "At this point, I'm hungry enough to try venison."

Edd frowned with apparent disapproval. "Eddy, ignoring our combined lack of hunting skills, we lack the time and capacity to cook an entire deer and still keep up with the eleon herd." Yes, Edd had taken to using the term Ed coined for lack of anything else to call the elephantine creatures. "Besides, we don't want to risk scaring them away or earning their ire by killing another animal in their presence."

"Ugh, _fine,_" Eddy groaned, dropping the bundle of sticks where he stood. "Fruit it is, I guess."

"It seems to be our best option at this moment… but…" Edd warily eyed the unnamed fruit in his hands. "I don't know… What's healthy for an animal could easily be toxic for a human."

"Well, there's an easy way to figure that out," Eddy insisted, jumping and snatching a piece of fruit off its branch. "HEY ED!"

"Mm?!" Ed's head shot out of a bush, a twig wedged between his teeth like a dog playing fetch. After spitting out the unpleasant-tasting piece of fiber, Ed scampered over to his pals. "Yes, Eddy?"

"Eat this," Eddy plainly ordered, offering Ed the fruit.

"Ooh!" Ed gladly accepted the offer, swiping the fruit out of Eddy's hand.

Edd flinched at the sight. "N-Now Ed, wait-!"

Too late. Ed sunk his teeth into the fruit right down the middle with gleeful anticipation and feverish hunger, tearing through the flesh, spraying droplets of juice. Once his jaw was firmly clamped, his eyes grew wide and his smile fell as he let out a muffled yelp.

Edd cringed again. Eddy screwed up his face. "That bad, huh?"

Offering little response to Eddy's quip outside of a confused, muffled grunt, Ed pulled away, ripping the fruit clean in half with one part in his hand in the other stuffed in his cheeks. He reached his fingers into his mouth, fishing around for a moment before pulling out a dense, dark brown pit similar to that of a peach. After chucking the oversized seed away, Ed proceeded to chew, his smile returning in short order. "Yummy!"

Eddy grinned at this one-word review, grabbing another fruit for himself. "See? Nothin' to worry about!"

Edd let out a sigh. He knew that this didn't entirely rule out toxicity, but his stomach was steadily winning this debate with his brain. Now was not the time to be picky. As such, Edd wiped the fruit off on his shirt and bit into it at the same time as Eddy. Both were pleasantly surprised by what greeted their tastebuds. The fruit was a nice blend of sweet and tangy, tasting almost like cantaloupe mixed with guava.

"Hm. S'pretty good," Eddy casually grunted after finishing the fruit off in under a minute. He quickly grabbed another one, following Ed's lead; the lump was already munching on his third one.

"I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I'm certainly pleased with what I received," Edd stated, his worries abated for the moment.

The Eds sat beneath the tree for a good ten minutes, ravenously scarfing down its succulent fruit. The only noises they made were their noisy chewing and satisfied moans. A pile of at least fifteen seed pits sat between them by the time they each decided they'd had enough. Nectar and pulp stained their lips. The deer resting alongside them seemed wholly unbothered by their messy feast, a few of them even leaning in to curiously inspect these two-legged strangers.

Eddy wiped his face off and inched away from the fawn currently trying to lick him. "Don't get too attached, Bambi. I may still eat ya later."

"Awwwww…" Ed patted the ruddy snout of the buck closest to him. "Fuzzy horned horsy!"

"It is strange that these deer are so unperturbed by our presence," Edd inquired. "They must have very little interaction with humans, or at least whatever may be the dominant species here, if they lack that instinctual fear."

Edd and Eddy nervously eyed each other, wordlessly exchanging the same concern. If that was the case, how long would it take for them to find whatever passed for civilization on this planet, if even there _was_ any?

The deer suddenly went into a frenzy, lumbering backwards and bleating with panic. Realizing the potential danger, the Eds ducked into the bushes, hastily attempting to disappear, peering through the branches to see what the commotion was about.

Right at the edge of a clearing, the Eds were stunned silent as they discovered a feline beast the size of a tiger; maybe even bigger. Its large, powerful body was coated in a sandy, golden-brown pelt, decorated with dark brown rosettes. Its short, stumpy tail lashed about wildly as its wide, clawed paws clung to the hide of a deer. Two enormous, serrated fangs sunk into the deer's hind leg.

"My word…" Edd choked up in a barely audible whisper. "Is that… a saber-toothed cat…?"

A mighty bellow shook the forest as a male eleon charged at the predator. The saber-tooth tried to retreat back into the forest, dragging its prey with it, but the added weight slowed it down and left it open for a powerful slap from the eleon's trunk. Once the saber-tooth tumbled away from the deer, a second eleon male rammed into it with the combined force of its tusks and horns, flinging it well over ten yards across the clearing where it landed at the feet of a third male. The eleon raised its front leg, then slammed it down with all its strength.

"Ooooooooooh…!" All three Eds cringed at the sight of the saber-tooth getting crushed into a rug in one fell swoop. It was not a pleasant sight, but at least the threat had passed fairly quickly.

"Yeesh…! Glad we stuck with these guys," Eddy conceded, the sharp tang of fruit stinging the back of his throat as he tried not to vomit.

"Those eleons made lunchmeat of that cat!" Ed proclaimed, shaken but awestruck.

"I'm not eating _that_ meat."

It was taking Edd a moment longer to regain his composure. He would have been fascinated by the sight of the prehistoric animal if he wasn't so terrified and repulsed. He turned his eyes away from the trampled carcass, focusing instead on the eleons. "I-It looks like the herd is moving on. We should hurry in case-"

A guttural squeal cut Edd off. A doe charged past them, brushing the leaves of their hiding place in its haste. More deer darted their way, anxiously escaping the forest to rejoin the eleons. The deer that had been attacked shakily picked itself up, joining its brethren in a frantic limp.

Among the cacophony, a sharp yowl drew the Eds' attention to another saber-tooth sprinting through the foliage in pursuit of the retreating deer. Another shot past them, snapping its jaws at a young doe. A large buck was charging directly their way, trailed by a saber-tooth that was far too close for comfort.

The boys yelped in unison, diving out of the brush and narrowly avoiding getting trampled, going otherwise ignored by the beasts. Now that they were out in the open, they opted to follow the crowd and seek the protection of their more able-bodied travel companions.

They found the eleons on the defensive against a pack of seven or eight saber-tooths. The females formed a protective ring around their calves, trumpeting furiously, swinging their trunks at any cat that drew too close. One brave saber-tooth lunged at a female and bit into its trunk, threatening to sever it, only to wind up twisted in the proboscis and impaled on its tusks. All the while, the males charged at the encroaching predators, striking them with trunks and feet, throwing them with tusks and horns. Several cats successfully took down deer, only to be warded away by the eleons. A couple of them made a hasty escape after catching the smaller pigs or jackalopes.

Upon witnessing one saber-tooth leap onto an eleon's flank, tearing into its hide with fangs and claws, refusing to let go even as the eleon thrashed about, Eddy decided that he'd seen enough. "So much for _that!_ Let's get outta here!"

"It would probably be wise not to remain out in the open!" Edd anxiously agreed, following Ed and Eddy as they turned around and high-tailed it.

The trio skirted along the edge of the clearing, avoiding the brawl taking place by the river, striving to be as quiet and stealthy as possible despite their speed. Ed spared a peek over his shoulder, clenching up when he spotted a saber-tooth that had opted to go for the runaways rather than dealing with the larger game.

"_AAH-!_" Startled, Ed scooped Edd and Eddy up in each arm, picking up speed in a desperate attempt to elude their hunter. He made a mad dash towards the base of the cliff, towards the first thing his eyes landed on: a large crack in the rock wall.

"HIDE IN HERE!"

"OW! _ED!_"

"HEY, WATCH IT!"

Without waiting for their consent, Ed forcefully stuffed Edd and Eddy into the crevice. The slit was just wide enough for them to fit, but still so compact that Ed had to shove his protesting pals in with all his might before squeezing in after them. Just in time, too, as Ed managed to slink away just as the saber-tooth shoved a paw inside, swinging at Ed and missing him by a hair. From the looks of it, the large cat was a few sizes too big to fit, but it nonetheless lowered itself to the ground where the crack was widest, clearly intent on trying.

"Ah, geez! Beat it!" Eddy shouted, backing away deeper into the crevice, the three Eds nervously huddled up against each other. "Go eat one of those deer! They got more meat on them than-! _GYAAH…!_"

The ground suddenly turned smooth and steep beneath Eddy's feet, leading him to stumble back with a startled yelp. Edd, having lost the support Eddy provided, fell on top of him. Ed tripped over his own feet as he blindly scurried after them.

A foreboding sense of deja vu occurred as the ground disappeared and the Eds fell headlong and screaming down a sleek, earthen slope…

* * *

The forest was quiet. The local ambiance was drowned out by the tranquil murmur of the river. Sunlight sparkled on the surface of the water, the gentle ripples weaving through the rocks.

Carlisle stood perfectly still on the riverbank, eyes trained on the waters, bow and arrow at the ready. His slow, deep breaths were silent and controlled. His long, dark brown hair was tied in a messy braid, keeping his peripheral clear. With his fingers firmly gripping his bowstring and fletchings, he watched… and waited…

A flash of silver appeared beneath the river's surface.

In one swift motion, Carlisle turned, drew back the bowstring, and let his arrow fly directly into the river. The arrow stuck and tilted upright. A fish's tail flopped in and out of the water before going limp. The catch drifted along the current, floating up to Carlisle, where he promptly picked the arrow back up and studied the fish speared on its tip.

"Your reflexes are getting better!"

Carlisle glimpsed over his shoulder, only briefly surprised to see Radley approaching with a casual smile. He let out a deep sigh, sadly turning away again and removing his arrow from the fish. "My aim is still off. My bow hand still shakes too much."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. It's good to recognize where one can improve," Radley warmly insisted, coming to a relaxed halt behind his squire. "Show me your stance. Let's see what we can do about it."

Carlisle frowned at his feet. He admittedly wasn't in the mood for a lesson, but he had to concede that maybe it would take his mind off of other matters. As such, he straightened back up and got into his standard archery pose, his longbow firmly held in his left hand, his right miming drawing back the string.

"Ah. I think I see the problem." Radley positioned himself behind Carlisle, leaning into him, gently gripping the young man's bow arm. "You're supporting the bow with the wrong muscles. Here… Just _barely_ unlock your elbow. Let it bend slightly."

Carlisle did as he was told, keeping his eyes forward. He felt Radley's hand on his shoulder.

"There we go. Low and relaxed. Now try pressing down where the shoulder meets the arm with your release hand."

Maintaining his current position, Carlisle grabbed the top of his arm and pushed down. Perfectly locked, little to no resistance required. "Huh."

"That should steady your aim considerably," Radley mused with approval, taking a seat on a rock. "Give it a try."

Carlisle tried not to move, keeping his arm where it was, praying he could commit it to muscle memory. With slow, precise movements, he readied the arrow still in his hand, setting his sights on the knot of a nearby tree. He spared a quick little smile when he saw that his bow hand was completely still, then he focused on his target again. The soft _twang_ of the bowstring was music to his ears as the arrow flew, sinking dead center in the knot.

"Heh…!"

"Brilliant!" Radley beamed with pride. "See? You're better than you give yourself credit for."

Carlisle smiled bashfully, walking up to the tree and dislodging the arrow. He missed moments like these, training under Radley, learning the ways of the paladins… back when training and tending to the people of Apetus were all they had to do. Back when they didn't have to worry about dragons. Back when the whole of Iaun wasn't in peril.

The squire looked to his knight with a hopeful gleam. "When do you think we'll be able to return to magic lessons?"

"Once we fulfill our duties and return to Alemore, I'm sure we'll find the time," Radley happily responded. "You need that training now more than ever, after all."

"Right…" Carlisle slipped the arrow into his quiver, staring at the ground as his lively mood was quickly dampened again. Perhaps there was no sense in trying to distract himself. It wouldn't be long until the purpose behind their mission reared its ugly head again, and despite his consternation, he wanted to be as ready as possible when it did. "Have there been any signs of the dragon?"

"Not recently," Radley sighed, standing back up and gazing into the forest. "The scouts have been trying to track it since sunrise. No word from them yet. If we don't catch it by tonight, we may have to relocate."

"Sounds fair…"

"We have caught wind of Kadian soldiers passing through these parts, though." Radley's eyes narrowed with restrained contempt. "I would like to assume the best from them, given the mutual threat, but I won't be surprised if they opt to make our journey more difficult should we cross paths."

Carlisle donned a slight glare and nodded back. It was a stretch to expect civility when it came to slavers.

The two sharply faced west when a distant ruckus caught their ears. Birds scattered into the sky in roughly the same direction. It was hard to describe the animal calls based only on their echoes, but after pausing to listen for a few seconds, they could silently agree what those boisterous trumpets and bellows were.

"Sounds like something has the bakus riled up," Radley murmured, gently taking Carlisle by the shoulder. "We should head back to camp."

"Yes, sir," Carlisle replied without protest, picking up the fish he caught and following his master back into the forest. Whatever chaos was taking place within the area, he was certain he wanted no part of it.

Although, mixed in with the cacophony of what seemed to be baku trumpets and pard snarls, for a brief moment, Carlisle thought he heard another call. One of distress. One much more familiar than those of the local wildlife. It sounded like…

* * *

"_WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH…!_"

"_GYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH…!_"

"_FER CRYIN' OUT __**LOOOOOUUUUUD…!**_"

The Eds tumbled down the slant for what felt like half a minute, if not painfully longer. Even when their eyes weren't closed with pain and dread, they couldn't see how much further they had to fall; everything had turned pitch black the moment they began their descent. When the incline finally evened out, it caught all of them off guard, depositing them back onto solid ground abruptly and ungracefully.

Eddy blindly crashed head-first through some sort of thin sheet of plaster, flopping over and sliding to a halt soon after. Edd landed with a hard, dizzying jolt, flipping once and plopping on top of Eddy. Ed bounced upon emerging from the chute, clumsily propelling himself into the air and slamming down on both of his companions. A rumbling echo and the final notes of their screams filled the cavernous space before slowly petering out, replaced with the soft crackling of falling pebbles.

Seconds ticked by in silence. Painful, disoriented silence.

All of a sudden, the darkness was banished. A subtle, warm light filled the room.

"Ow-wuh…" Ed was the first to move, reaching his aching arm around to gingerly touch his back. Some of his wounds were bleeding again. His whole body felt sore.

"Ohh…" Edd could barely muster the strength to operate his own muscles, slowly willing his hand to clutch his pounding head, waiting for his eyes to come back into focus.

"Uh…" Eddy didn't move. He hardly had room to even twitch. His head was planted face-down on the stone floor, muffling his voice slightly. "Hey, guys? I have a great idea… GET OFFA ME!"

Ed inched his way backwards, giving Edd leeway to roll off to the side, relieving the pressure on Eddy's back. The trio gradually sat up, nursing their wounds, grumbling to themselves about the repeated tumbles they had taken and the bruises they had collectively gathered since their arrival to this new world.

"Okay…" Eddy eventually grunted, turning his attention towards this new environment. "_Now_ where are we?"

That was the question of the day, wasn't it? Wanting an answer as much as Eddy, Edd looked up and observed their surroundings…

The subterranean space was absolutely gigantic, easily double the size of an average gymnasium in all dimensions. The walls were solid stone, same as the mountainside that the room was built within, but very intentionally and meticulously carved into a smooth, perfectly round chamber. Gothic arches decorated the domed ceiling, meeting in the center where a cylindrical cupola hung, radiating the light that filled the cavern. The walls were lined at the bottom with an intricately-knotted, ten-foot lattice, a portion of which was severely damaged now thanks to the accidental gate-crashers; near the ceiling, a circle of beautiful bas-reliefs was carved into the rock. Three stone tables sat against the walls, perfectly perpendicular to each other and the Eds' position, each one decorated with half-melted candles and dusty tomes.

However, the room's mysteriously magnificent arrangement paled in comparison to what rested in the center of it all…

Three mountains of bones lay in a circle, equally spaced between each other. The skeletons, though disorganized, were clearly arranged into similar anatomies, that of creatures significantly larger than any eleon they saw on the surface. Their skulls all faced a marble pedestal that stood in the very center of their ring, upon which sat three identical medallions.

"My word…" Edd was taken aback by everything he saw. The glorious architecture and the collections of books quickly took his breath away, and yet those marvels took a backseat to the natural wonders seated before him. "These… These skeletons… They're _enormous!_"

"Cool!" Ed gradually stood up, following Edd's lead, the two curiously stepping closer to one of the collections of bones. A trail of vertebrae rested at their feet, no doubt belonging to the creature's tail. Based on mere observation, said tail appeared to have once stretched twenty-five feet.

Eddy joined them soon enough, idly kicking at what looked to be a femur that was even taller than he was. "Yeesh! What are these, dinosaurs?"

"I might be inclined to believe that… and yet…" Edd cautiously tiptoed around the skeleton, stopping at the creature's midsection. He crouched as best he could, struggling to ignore the waves of pain, keeping his focus on the floor. Another pattern of small bones extended from the shoulders. "These… quite closely resemble wing bones."

Ed sucked in an ecstatic gasp of air. "DRAGONS!"

"Dragons?" Eddy screwed up his face as he glanced up and down the skeletal display. "Yeah, okay. After everything else we've seen, I can't say that finding dragon bones surprises me."

"I am honestly willing to believe it, considering griffons exist in this world," Edd awkwardly continued as he examined the intricate skeleton. "A six-limbed anatomy on such a large animal is quite an outlandish concept, but one we've already witnessed evidence of. I'm much more curious how a creature this size could achieve flight."

"Magic_,_ Double D!" Ed joyously decreed, circling the room to gawk at the other bygone dragons in their resting place.

"How'd these behemoths even get down here?" Eddy questioned, looking around at the solid walls. "I don't see any doors. Do you guys?"

Edd turned away from the skeleton, inspecting the room once again. "There don't seem to be any obvious entryways aside from the crevice we slipped through. How these titans managed their way inside is yet another mystery."

"_Magic,_ guys!"

"Yeah, yeah, we heard ya the first time, Ed!" Eddy continued to pace, slowly approaching the pedestal. "So whaddya think _these_ are? Think those dragons were guarding them?"

"Don't touch anything, Eddy," Edd insisted, stepping away from the bones and over to one of the stone tables. "We have no idea what intrinsic value this hall and the objects within it hold. I would prefer not to desecrate a potentially hallowed site."

Eddy scoffed and blindly waved Edd off, keeping his focus on the marble pedestal. More specifically on the three medallions it proudly displayed. They were all the same size, just bigger than the palm of Eddy's hand, bearing what looked to be large diamonds at their centers and strange runes etched into the surrounding metal. What set them apart was the metal each one was crafted from: one was made of gold, one silver, and one bronze. The way they were positioned, all three dragons were directly facing one of the gleaming amulets each.

Meanwhile, Edd approached the left table, leaning over to study its contents. The books that sat atop it were not only dense but incredibly large in diameter, better resembling concrete slabs than stacks of bound paper. Edd took a deep breath and blew the layer of dust off of one of the tomes, quickly recoiling and covering his mouth with his shirt to avoid breathing the irritating particles. Once the cloud had settled, he examined the book again, finding that the text on the cover was written in a strange, foreign alphabet, utilizing flowing penmanship.

"Interesting… So there _is_ a society in this world that has developed written language. But who…?" Edd looked up, spotting a dried inkwell and oversized feather quill sitting among the melted candles. "Did… Did _they_ write these texts?"

Lumbering footsteps preceded a response to the question Edd had asked himself. "Dragons are smart, Double D! And they live a long time! They probably had lots of tales to tell!"

Edd glanced up at Ed, then back down at the table with a nod. "So much about this is utterly baffling to this analytical brain of mine. I mean… creatures of that size being capable of the complex, minute actions of writing? Having the brain capacity to not only comprehend language, but also operate six limbs, one pair being wings? A-And that's not even mentioning how that ceiling light turned on automatically upon our arrival when it's very clearly illuminated by fire. I'm trying my best to make sense of it all."

"Stop thinking so hard!" Eddy called from across the room. "I think it's safe to say that anything goes at this point!"

"Yeah! It's _magic!_" Ed reiterated. "It's beyond our knowledge! It makes the impossible possible!"

Edd sighed, hesitant to blindly accept that explanation, though not exactly ruling it out. His eyes trailed up to a carving in the wall just above the table. It began with an outer circle, within which was a vertical, perfectly symmetrical double helix. The two loops of the helix each had a large dot within them.

"Ooh…" Ed was intrigued by the emblem. "Those other tables had pictures like that too! C'mon!" He grabbed Edd by the wrist before the lad could verbally comply, towing him along as he trotted over to the center table and eagerly pointed to the wall with his free hand. "See?"

Sure enough, another circular symbol was etched into the stone. This circle had a horizontal line running through it, with two equidistant dots intersecting the line near the center. Two curves sat above and below the line, creating an incomplete oval. Looking to his right, Edd studied the symbol above the last table from a distance. Again, an outer circle, this one holding two identical lines with curved ends, creating a wavy X, with one dot above and one below the vertex.

Before he could question the meaning behind these icons, Edd spotted Eddy out of the corner of his eye. The short-tempered troublemaker had grabbed the gold medallion off its display for a closer look. "Eddy! I told you not to touch anything!"

"Calm down! I'm being careful with it!" Eddy retorted, bringing the metal disc closer to his face. "Heavy little thing. How much ya think this is worth?"

Edd stomped over to Eddy, quickly followed by Ed. "That's not ours to consider! I won't have you toying with objects we don't know the meaning or origin of!"

"The dragons won't be happy with you touching their treasure! Put it back!"

"I will! Don't blow a gasket!" Eddy squinted, looking between the medallion and the third table. Though the rest of the runes were indecipherable, the symbol at the top resembled the wavy X. "Huh… Isn't that…?"

Suddenly, a flash of light pierced Eddy's eyes, shining brightly enough that all three Eds were briefly forced to look away. The diamond at the center of the medallion glowed an intense white. The gold slowly began to heat up in Eddy's hands. One by one, the surrounding runes started to illuminate with the red flare of molten metal. The silver and bronze amulets still propped up on the pedestal gradually lit up in the same way.

"Oh no!" Ed fretfully looked around at the dragon skeletons. "He didn't mean it! We're sorry!"

"Eddy!" The frustration in Edd's voice was still apparent, albeit in a much more anxious tone than an angry one. "Put it down!"

"No argument there!" Eddy hastily set the gold medallion back on its display, but when he retracted his hands, the medallion came with them. He let out a startled yelp and tried to yank his fingers free to no avail. The metal had melted into his skin.

"Eddy, what're you doing?!"

"It's stuck!" Eddy flailed his arms in an attempt to shake off the infernal amulet. "Get it offa me!"

Ed hastily rushed over to his buddy's side, tucking his hands inside his jacket sleeves. With the fabric protecting him, he grabbed the medallion by the top and bottom, tugging with all his might. "Unhand my friend, cursed treasure of the great wyrms!"

"Ow ow ow ow ow _**ow!**_"

Ed quickly lost his grip, the ends of his jacket sleeves tearing, the backwards momentum sending him stumbling away. Eddy's hands were still fused to the warm metal. Freaking out, screaming at the top of his lungs, Eddy raised his arms above his head and slammed the medallion down on the pedestal as hard as he could. With one loud _CLANG,_ the gold disc detached, ripping off a few dermal layers from the skin of Eddy's hands. The sheer force knocked the other two amulets off their perch, sending all three loudly clattering to the floor.

Edd clutched his pounding heart with one hand and Eddy's shoulder with the other. "Are you okay, Eddy?"

"No! That thing was gonna burn my hands off!" Eddy protested, showing off the bloody abrasions on his palms.

"Uh… Guys?"

Edd and Eddy turned to face Ed, then looked down when they noticed he was pointing at the floor. The fallen medallions were still jostling about at the boys' feet, spinning in place on their rims, the beams they each emitted spiraling like erratic spotlights. The dizzying motions did not slow. If anything, they only seemed to speed up, the three discs rapidly rotating until they blurred into glowing spheres of gold, silver and bronze.

The Eds did not breathe a word to each other. The notion to slowly back away from the strange devices was quietly conveyed and executed in perfect unison.

Another intense burst of light filled the room, from which the Eds retreated in horror. The medallions turned pure white. The fire from the cupola sparkled with every color of the rainbow.

The beams of light turned streamline. The medallions appeared to melt into the luminescent streaks. The lights took shape, forming the visages of three enormous, ghostly dragons, radiating with pure, slightly translucent luster, flecked with the metal of their respective medallions.

The trio was stunned silent, frozen in place. The ghost dragons drew dangerously close to the Eds, nearly blinding them with their light. The dragon from the gold medallion loomed over the boy who had plucked the treasure from its place, scrutinizing Eddy with intense, empty yet all-knowing eyes. The silver-flecked dragon floated in front of Edd, staring right through him, unperturbed by the young man's heavy, wheezing breaths. The bronze dragon drifted in circles around Ed in an almost playful manner, studying the shaking lad from all angles.

Simultaneously, the three ghost dragons lined up, opened their jaws, and unleashed harmonic, earth-shattering, heaven-shaking, soul-piercing roars like nothing the Eds had ever heard before. They unfurled their mighty wings, charging at the trio with lightning speed. The Eds continued to scramble away until their backs were against the wall, leaving them with nowhere to run and nothing to do but cower and scream.

The dragons phased through the boys gently and seamlessly, disappearing entirely.

The light faded away. The cupola dimmed back into its initial warm glow.

The echoes of glorious roars and terrified shrieks bounced off the walls before growing deathly silent.

The medallions were gone.

Two solid minutes passed with not a single sound uttered from the Eds. All they could do was sit against the wall, catch their breath, and struggle to comprehend what they had just witnessed. Their hands clutched their chests in multiple instances. Their eyes were wide with fear, confusion and dread. They looked over the dragon skeletons still in place, untouched by the spectral phenomenon, mutually regretting the decisions that led them to that worldview-altering sight. There were no words to describe what just happened. Only raw, potent emotions.

"OKAY!" Eddy was the first to speak up, doing so loudly and abruptly enough to earn a startled jump from Ed and Edd. "MAGIC IS REAL! I'LL BUY IT!"

Edd swallowed the lump in his throat, warily accepting that there really was no good explanation for the events they had witnessed besides that.

"Vengeful spirits summoned from beyond the grave…" Ed choked up, leaping to his feet. "This was a warning! We must leave this resting place!"

"I'm… going to have to agree with that," Edd whimpered, well and truly startled beyond words, or at least his usual verbosity. He slowly stood up on shaking legs, still holding his chest.

"Uh, yeah, I'm all for getting outta this pit," Eddy anxiously conceded, standing up and stumbling in place for a moment. "But, y'know… maybe… after…"

Eddy's voice lethargically trailed off as the three Eds, in unison, rolled their eyes back and fainted onto the cold stone floor.

* * *

A week had passed with nary an end in sight as the red dragon flew in desperate circles over the Emberknoll Wood. He knew the memorial was here –every dragon did– but its exact location was a mystery even to the eldest among them. No dragon set foot in Emberknoll unless they were on a holy pilgrimage, and even then, the ancestral spirits who bound themselves to the forest would not always make their journey simple.

The cause that brought him there may not have been holy in the purest definition of the word, but he wanted to believe it was at least righteous. Despite this, his search had thus far proven to be for naught. In the time he had spent traversing this sacred forest, he had not once felt the presence of the ancient ones. A sense of loneliness overwhelmed him, as if the spirits were ignoring him, further compounding the fear and heartbreak he had already felt since leaving his home.

Was this to be his fate? Chasing a legend while he waited for his people's fate to find him?

As dusk approached on the seventh day, he very nearly turned and left the forest behind him, accepting his failure.

And then… a pulse…

A second…

A third…

Something had shifted in the astral plane. He could feel it.

The tops of the evergreen trees whipped in the breeze as the bright scarlet dragon soared overhead. He rode the wind with practiced, anxious ease, rising above the forest, gliding towards a steep, bald hill in the near distance. The woods gave way to grey-brown stone, climbing near-vertically until they peaked. Here, at the highest point in Emberknoll, the dragon gracefully perched, claws gripping the rock, wings folding comfortably against his back.

His body faced north, honing in on the planet's magnetic field. His head slowly craned about, yellow-orange eyes aglow as they surveyed his surroundings. All was still and silent, almost deathly so, but the change in the atmosphere was unmistakable to his keen senses.

The ancestors were stirring.

A call… coming from the east.

The dragon stared into the horizon, his back to the setting sun. All this time, he felt like he was chasing shadows in a realm of untainted light, searching for something that wasn't there, taunted and eluded by his own predecessors. And now, at last, he had received the sign he had been waiting for. He felt the spirits' presence, and he knew deep down inside that they felt his too.

With his wings spread wide, the dragon dove off the hill, riding the updraft and lifting himself into flight once again. He followed the signal, drawn to the changing patterns in the astral sea, focusing intensely on the ancient voices that stirred his soul to action.

Dusk was fast approaching, but the dragon did not tire. His wings never faltered, his will resolute. The pull never lessened, guiding him towards the great plateau that ran through the center of the forest. This was it. The spirits' resting place. The memorial was somewhere beneath him. His long journey was nearing its end.

Suddenly, a powerful force yanked the dragon backward. A startled roar echoed through the forest as he was quickly and painfully pulled from the open air, crashing into the forest below, flailing madly as the snares entangled him…

* * *

_Poke, poke._

"Double Deeeee…"

"Mhn…" Edd blindly shooed Ed's hand away, opening his eyes and lifting his head with surprisingly little effort. He was a bit sore from lying on stone, but otherwise, Edd was taken aback by just how much energy he had mere seconds after waking up. "What's wrong, Ed?"

"Make Eddy stop bothering the dragons," Ed whined, pointing across the room, drawing Edd's attention to their third party member.

Eddy was crouched in front of the skulls of one of the dragons, yanking at the skeleton's teeth, clearly straining from both the strenuous effort and the tenderness of his bloodied palms. Seeing this, Edd could only muster a beleaguered sigh as he stood up and approached his companion. "Eddy, I think it's been made abundantly clear that we shouldn't touch anything in this room."

"Hey, do you wanna get outta here or not?" Eddy grumbled, snapping off one of the serrated, calcified railroad spikes and placing it in a pile of six or seven more fangs. "We're gonna have to climb to do that, and it's not like these fellas are gonna need these chompers anymore."

"The dragons' spirits have inflicted their wrath upon us!" Ed shuddered as he watched Eddy continue to defile the skeleton. "First we touch their treasure, now we disturb their graves!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do _you_ have any better ideas? You wanna try scaling that slide with your bare hands? Maybe blast a hole in the wall with some spit and magic?"

Edd gingerly rubbed his head. He didn't have it in him to debate. He was still reeling from the brush with the spectral dragons, which, in a weird way, left him feeling more distraught than anything else. In such a short span of time, he had been shown evidence of interplanetary travel, mythical creatures, ghosts, and what could very well have been magic for all he knew. By this point, Edd had reached a state where he was mentally broken yet emotionally numb.

"If… If something does run afoul because of our meddling, at least we'll be better prepared for it," Edd sighed, nodding between his cohorts. "Until then, I think Eddy's idea is justifiable. We'll need leverage to ascend that lengthy, near-vertical shaft."

"Thank you," Eddy grunted smugly, plucking out one last tooth. He gathered the pile in his arms and stood up, handing two fangs each to Ed and Edd. "Now let's go. Those knockoff peaches have come and gone like a weird uncle."

Ed stared remorsefully at the fangs in his hands, then he turned to the dragon skeletons. He could accept that this was their only ticket back to the surface, but his reservations were still plain to see. "Your sacrifice has not been in vain, great and powerful wyrms. We meant no harm. Rest well."

As Ed and Eddy turned and made their way towards the hole in the wall, Edd lingered by the skeletons a moment longer. Despite his trauma and fractured composure, he still found himself in awe of the magnificent specimens. The look on his face as he studied them one last time was nothing short of respect, and as he committed their forms to memory and soaked in the haunting emptiness of the pillar where their medallions once stood, for reasons he couldn't adequately explain, all Edd could offer was a soft but sincere "Thank you."

Upon turning away and joining his companions, preparing to climb their way out of this cavern, Edd felt a strange sense of reassurance and mutual gratitude emanating from the hallowed hall.

Magic… It was going to take some getting used to.

* * *

"You got this, Lumpy. Yer doin' great."

"We're almost there, Ed. Take your time. Don't look down."

"_Huff… Huff…_ We're gonna make it, guys…"

The climb out of the cave had been anything but smooth. The fangs proved invaluable in maintaining a firm grip, with the Eds easily driving them into the earth and hoisting themselves up slowly but surely. Punch in a fang, lift, slide the other one out, punch in, lift, slide out, rinse and repeat. When a fang broke, it was promptly discarded and replaced with one of their backups, balance meticulously maintained all the while. Dirt and small stones rained from above. Sweat flowed from every pore. Their muscles were aching, eyes stinging, throats burning, but still they climbed.

Naturally, Edd tired himself out the fastest, at which point Ed graciously offered a piggyback ride. Edd instead seated himself in one of Ed's oversized, overstuffed jacket pockets for the sake of not putting pressure on his wounded back; after everything else they had endured, the unhygienic apparel was the least of Edd's worries. Eddy managed to tough it out longer than any of them had anticipated, complaining infrequently on top of that. He made use of Edd's discarded fangs until they were down to a collective three, then he too hitched a ride with Ed.

It was a long, tedious process, but soon they could see a dim silver light above them, drawing ever closer as Ed scaled the rock. It was clear that he was running low on steam, but with Edd and Eddy encouraging him, he bucked up and maintained his pace until finally the near-vertical drop curved into a flat surface. Once back in the ground-level crevice of the cliff, Edd and Eddy deboarded and gave each other space to sprawl out, catch their breath and relax.

"WHEW…!" Eddy rolled his head back and stared up at the ceiling. "Remind me not to visit _this_ place again during the trip!"

"Agreed…" Edd wasn't necessarily breathless, but he was certainly exhausted and nearly dehydrated. He at least had the energy to smile and pat Ed on the head. "You did a great job, Ed. Thank you."

"No problem, Double D," Ed sweetly replied, panting like a dog, sweeping his makeshift picks back into the pit where they belonged before going still.

Eddy scooted closer to the mouth of the cavern to peer outside. "Yeesh! How long were we down there?!"

"Considering our bout of unconsciousness, any time frame wouldn't surprise me," Edd sighed, taking a look for himself. Night was already upon the forest, with only the faintest purple hue peeking behind the mountains against an otherwise dark blue backdrop. The glow of the silver moon was visible through the breaks in the canopy. The eleons and saber-tooths were long gone, but a sense of dread lingered. "Perhaps it would be wise to take refuge in here tonight."

"Fine by me, but I'm not dozin' off on an empty stomach again," Eddy responded as he crawled out into the open.

Edd might have objected to Eddy venturing out into the woods after dark, but considering how close they were to sources of food and water, he could accept the risk with a grain of salt. "Very well, but I'm going with you to watch your back. Ed, will you be alright waiting here?"

"Oh, I can come too, Double D," Ed gladly offered, slowly picking himself up. "Ed's belly needs food too."

"Alright. Just stay close to us."

Once outside, the Eds took a moment to stretch and breathe in the cool, crisp air. Ed rubbed his tender back and let out a powerful yawn. Edd wiped as much dirt off his clothes as he could. Eddy pulled the last spare dragon fang out of his pocket, ready and willing to use it as a makeshift weapon. Then they proceeded back into the forest, retracing their steps, their darkness-adjusted eyes on the lookout for any nocturnal beasts.

As they skirted the edge of the clearing, nearing the grove that had provided their lunch, Edd found himself performing a quick double-take. "Fellows, look!"

Ed and Eddy followed his finger, squinting to make out what had caught his attention. Illuminated by the soft light of the stars and twin moons, the night sky was just bright enough to reveal a gentle plume of smoke rising from the treeline.

"It looks like there's a small fire nearby," Edd explained, the optimism in his voice easy to detect. "Perhaps someone has set up camp out here!"

"Now we're talkin'!" Eddy cheered, quickly changing directions in pursuit of the smoke. "Maybe they have some _real_ food! _Real_ beds!"

"Locals!" Ed's fatigue was long forgotten as the eagerness overwhelmed him as well. "Show me your ways, magic men!"

Steadily but hastily, the Eds navigated through the forest. Eddy took the lead, cutting and shoving away the tall grass with his dragon fang. Edd kept watch, ensuring they were maintaining a steady direction, eyes peeled for any people or the light of their fire. Ed happily bounded at the back of the line, following his companions with a delighted grin.

"At long last!" Edd breathed raptly as the group circumvented a downed tree trunk. "Assistance had arrived! Our suffering is nearly at an end, gentlemen!"

"Oh yeah!" Eddy grinned at the sight of an orange glow between the trees, shadows silhouetted against the warm light. "Our ticket outta here!"

"My name is Ed!" Ed boldly proclaimed to anyone listening. "I come from beyond the sta-_AAH!_"

"ED!" Edd stumbled to a halt, watching as Ed fell head-over-heels into the underbrush. In the process, Edd found himself tripping as well, landing flat on his butt as something entangled his ankles.

"Whoa, hey!" Eddy promptly stopped and turned around to check on them. Ed was wildly flailing about on the ground, grunting and whining with panic, caught in a netted rope with a slight blue glow. Edd had the same blue rope awkwardly twisted around his legs.

"Ah geez…" Eddy tiptoed around the rope and got down on his knees next to Edd. He then grabbed the net and started slicing it away with the serrated side of the fang. "Can't catch a break out here, can we?"

"I suppose I should have expected the natives to deploy these sorts of safety precautions," Edd murmured uncomfortably, brushing the ropes away as Eddy cut them. "Curse my lack of tact."

"Help me, guys!"

"Don't get your eyebrow in a knot, Ed," Eddy grunted, shuffling away from the liberated Edd to free their third member. "I gotcha."

The fang cut through the ropes like butter. A few quick slices and soon Ed's arm was free, then his torso, then his legs…

"_**HHHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH…!**_**"**

All three Eds locked up from a combined sense of dread and familiarity.

The fallen tree laying next to them suddenly shot up and unfurled. Ropes snapped and flew in all directions, untangling from the massive figure. Distinguished features became clear: a horned, reptilian head atop a long neck; powerful, claw-tipped legs; a long, finned tail; a pair of wings, soft red against the faint orange light of the nearby campfire…

The Eds shakily ducked into the bushes as the red dragon crouched and spread its wings to full height. With a beat of those wings, it shot straight up into the air, the treetops shaking as it parted the canopy and practically ran atop it in its hasty retreat. And just like that, it was gone.

As the echoes of the dragon's roar faded, a new noise made itself heard. People were shouting in a startled cacophony, their voices nearby but their panicked conversations indecipherable. Eddy peeked between the grass, watching the silhouettes run back and forth, some of them quickly approaching their location.

"We got company," Eddy whispered, warily looking back at his partners. "I think we mighta ticked them off."

Immediately after he made this remark, the Eds were forced to duck and cover as the top of the bush was suddenly razed. Leaves, twigs, grass, and a few inches from the top of Eddy's hair scattered in the wake of the blade that swiped above their heads. Angry, foreign shouting filled their ears.

Reflexively, Eddy shot to his feet and swiped his dragon fang at their attacker. The short, broad, bearded man in silver plate armor stumbled back, clutching his bleeding cheek, yelling and possibly cursing in the same aggressive tone and language.

Edd's head shot up, staring aghast at the wounded dwarf standing before his companion with the bloodstained fang. "Eddy, don't…!"

"Back up, pally!" Eddy warned, holding the fang defensively. "We're not here to hurt ya!"

"LOSTADH!"

The dwarf raised a hand, from which a pink light burst forth, striking Eddy point-blank. The young man stumbled for a few seconds, then his eyes slipped shut and he collapsed into the grass, out cold in an instant.

"EDDY!" Ed and Edd rushed over to him simultaneously, with the former staring anxiously at their fallen friend while the latter worriedly, pleadingly glanced between Eddy and the dwarf. Before either of them had a chance to remedy the situation, the dwarf cast his spell again, catching the boys in the enchanting light, sending them into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Gradrack!"

Several paladins rushed into the woods surrounding their camp, following their comrade's shouts. Radley took the forefront, rushing to his friend's side with his sword in hand and a look of concern. He spared the three unconscious boys a brief glance, assuring they were down for the count before attending to the dwarf. "Gradrack, what happened?!"

"Oy, the hackit li'l eejit got me in the face!" Gradrack snapped, once again holding his bloodied cheek. With his sword, he pointed to the mess of severed ropes scattered about the ground. "'Ese 'ere scaffies cut the dragon loose, 'ey did!"

Radley looked down and sighed. The constricting snare was indeed ruined and the dragon was gone. No sense in throwing a tantrum about it. The trio of human boys in bizarre attire was the more immediate issue. "What happened here?"

"Ah jus seen 'em creepin' through the brush 'n tried te query 'em. Wee one 'ere attacked me, so ah put 'em in a kip." Gradrack scowled at the boy with the yellow tunic and dragon fang. "Didnae speak a lick uh Daearic."

The question of what foreigners were doing out there was near the bottom of Radley's list of current concerns. Right now, he had an escaped dragon, a wounded partner, and three intruders to deal with, and he wasn't about to waste time on any of those. "Hadden, take care of Gradrack!"

"Yes sir!" A half-elf promptly approached the captain and the dwarf, ushering the latter away to treat his wound.

After seeing his friend off with a pat on the shoulder, Radley turned back to the remaining ensemble of paladins. "Did anyone see which way it flew?"

"Seemed like it was headed north!"

"Good. Lanford, Waylon, Brinley, see if you can follow it. There's a chance its wings were wounded by the snares. It may not stay airborne for long."

"Yes sir!"

"Niall, Quentin, help me carry these three. I'll have some questions for them when they wake up."

"But sir, didn't Gradrack say they didn't speak Daearic?"

"We'll just have to wait and see. If that truly is the case for all of them, language barriers can be worked around." Radley lifted the largest of the three boys into his arms and started walking him to the camp, flanked by his comrades carrying the other two.

Upon reaching the clearing, the paladins set the trio down beneath the awning of Radley's tent, tied their hands to a pole, and searched them for any weapons. The only thing they deemed worthy of confiscating was the small one's dragon fang, and his possession of it coupled with them releasing the dragon raised many suspicions among the squadron. Under the effects of Gradrack's sleep spell, the boys would likely be out for a while, leaving the paladins to tend to the mess they had made.

"Bloody dragon's never going to cooperate with us now, even if we do catch up to it," one of the knights grumbled. "An entire week wasted."

"Just count yourself lucky it wasn't a crystal dragon, Goisfrid."

"That just makes me even angrier that it got away!"

"The monster would've killed us all the second it was loosed if it was crystallized!"

"Where do you think these little bastards came from, Captain?" another paladin asked, nudging the boy with the stocking hat with his boot. "These are some weird tunics they got on. Think they're Vesian spies?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, Basuin. I've never seen this sort of attire before," Radley mused, looking the three over. "Has anyone seen Carlisle?"

"Your drake fled into the woods when the dragon escaped. I believe Carlisle is going after her."

Radley sighed, grateful but frustrated. "Well, someone go find him. Just in case there are more of these scoundrels out-"

"_HRK-!_"

All eyes turned to Goisfrid as the paladin collapsed onto his back, eyes wide with shock, blood dripping from his lips, an arrow lodged in his throat where his neck was exposed.

"_**GET DOWN!**_" Radley instantly had his shield out, deflecting an arrow fired his way. The rest of the paladins hastily followed suit, drawing their shields, summoning protective spells, ducking and covering, dodging the hail of arrows that was suddenly raining down on their camp from all directions. One knight fell when a lucky arrow pierced his chest between the plates of his armor. Another swerved away from one arrow, only to take a second directly to the eye.

"THEY GOT US SURROUNDED!"

"HOW DID THEY GET PAST OUR DEFENSES?!"

"CAPTAIN, OUR SPELLS AREN'T STOPPING-_**AAUGH!**_"

Basuin's silvery-white armor suddenly turned fiery red, heating up to scalding temperatures in a mere second. He fell to the ground in blistering pain, leaving him vulnerable to a subsequent headshot. The surrounding paladins soon fell victim to similar fates, some as a result of their heated suits, some knocked off their feet by waves of pure force, all of them quickly finished off with barrages of arrows in short order.

In less than a minute, a mortified Radley found himself standing alone among his fallen knights. The onslaught ceased. The forest grew deathly quiet.

A rustle in the foliage drew his attention to an approaching company. A mottled, brown and white horse stepped into the clearing. Riding it was a man in dark grey plate, decorated with red and purple garb, sporting a short beard and brown hair tied in a braid. Three more horsemen flanked him, bows drawn, eyes trained on Radley. In the surrounding woods, an indeterminate number of archers made themselves visible through the shadows.

Radley drew his sword, igniting it with holy radiance. He held his shield between himself and the leader of the squadron.

"Now, now, no need for that, Captain Dawsmith," the man on the mottled horse chided. "You're vastly outnumbered. We wouldn't want to make an even bigger mess."

The paladin snarled, his position unfaltering. "What is the meaning of this, Dwennon?! We're here on a diplomatic quest! What have we done to warrant an attack?!"

"You, sir, are trespassing on Duke Trossaich's land," Dwennon pompously replied, smirking at the lone knight. "And judging by the copious amounts of snares and entrapment spells placed around your camp, it seems we can add poaching to your list of crimes, the punishment for which, I'm afraid, is death."

"_Excuse_ me?! The Emberknoll Wood has been unclaimed for centuries! It's a no man's land!"

"Not anymore. These lands were bequeathed to the Duke of Noomre by King Hewet himself five days ago. His Majesty saw fit to expand Kadia's borders in light of… recent events. I'm sure you understand."

"Dwennon, the threat you face endangers Apetus as well! My men and I have been out here seeking a means to combat it for a _week!_ We're not subject to this edict!"

To that, Dwennon shrugged indifferently. "Radley, my good man, I don't make the laws. I'm merely a servant to them. If what you say is true, then your king would have done well to act sooner, before the crystal dragons' numbers grew too numerous to combat. There is no fight. All that matters now is survival, and I intend to ensure that much for my people however I can."

Radley briefly glanced over his shoulder at the three boys tied to his post. Then he turned back to the Kadian captain. "Did you send those three to spy on us?!"

"Peh!" Dwennon donned a flabbergasted smirk, amused by the implied association. "I've never seen those mongrels before in my life! Just more trespassers to deal with, it seems."

The paladin narrowed his eyes. "So that's it? Our only crime is setting foot in this forest you _claim_ is under your duke's possession? What will my men's deaths accomplish?! Your actions risk war!"

"Good sir…" Dwennon's smile almost turned sad. "War is already upon us. Surely you must see it."

Radley was tempted to smite Dwennon right then and there for his arrogance. For the honor of his fallen comrades. For the decades of cruelty this man represented. The only thing that held Radley back was the archers surrounding him, including those on horseback by Dwennon's side. He had to stay alert. He had to stay alive, even if it was only for a little while longer.

It was then that he noticed the peculiar arrows the Kadian knights were using. The arrowheads didn't appear to be carved from any sort of metal. They appeared to be pure white, reflecting the cool blues and purples of the night and the subtle reds of the campfire, and they possessed an odd, sharp, fractal sheen as if carved from highly reflective stone. Almost as if…

"He who is in Heaven…" The horror on Radley's face was apparent. "You're… You're _using_ those crystal-?! _Hck…_"

Cold, sharp stone pierced his neck with a soft whistle. The arrow lodged deep in his throat, choking the air out of him. He collapsed into the grass, his shield tumbling away, his sword losing its charged glow.

"As I said…" Dwennon softly mused, grinning coyly at the fallen paladin. "We are merely doing what we must to ensure our kingdom's survival. Even if we can't fight the crystal dragons, we can at least find the silver lining in these dark times. It's nothing personal, Radley. I'm only doing my job."

Radley wheezed through a mouthful of blood, completely unable to move. All he could do was scowl up at Dwennon. Despite his anger, despite his dismay, his mind dwelled not on thoughts of retribution. Instead, Radley prayed. He prayed for his and his men's safe passage. He prayed for his kingdom's continued safety. He prayed that his fate was not shared by his innocent squire. With those thoughts in mind, Radley slipped his eyes shut, blocking out the visage of the monster looming over him, letting himself slip away with a sad but peaceful expression frozen on his face.

With the last of the intruding paladins eliminated, Dwennon dropped the callous smile and instead frowned at the fallen captain. "Apetian pigs. Their deplorable timing never ceases to amaze."

"Captain!" One of the archers approached the young men tied to the post, kneeling to inspect them. "What do we do with these three?"

Dwennon tilted his head. "Do they possess any identifiers?"

"Negative."

"Any injuries?"

"No, sir. They do appear to be under the effects of a sleep spell."

"Then toss them in the cart with the others," Dwennon ordered. "As long as they pose no threat and are in decent enough shape, we can at least put them to good use."

"Yes, sir." The archer was joined by two others, quickly cutting the trio loose, throwing them over their shoulders, and carrying them off into the forest.

As the riders turned their horses around to continue on their way, one of the knights turned to Dwennon and spoke up, "Sir, those three paladins we clashed with on the road seemed to be following that dragon. Should we investigate?"

"Perhaps that would be within our best efforts," Dwennon agreed as he and his cohorts disappeared into the trees. "We have been in need of another specimen…"

With that, the Kadian soldiers vanished, leaving the dead and the gone behind. The camp returned to silence. The field glowed red from the light of the fire and the stains from the blood.

Slowly, shakily, Carlisle stepped out of the brush, his knees just barely supporting him, his face awash with tears. He tightly gripped his chest, desperate to steady his breath as he looked around at his fellow paladins. At his leaders. At his friends. Gradrack… Hadden… Niall… Quentin… Goisfrid… Basuin… all of them dead… so suddenly and cruelly… without any reason…

The timid squire tiptoed through the camp, awkwardly swerving around the blood and bodies, a shiver running down his spine every time he looked into the still, nigh-expressionless face of a comrade. He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to chase after the Kadian squadron and make them pay in spades for this transgression. So much held him back, not the least of which was his own inadequacy.

Carlisle slowed to a halt near the center of the clearing, staring down at the one thing that hurt the most.

He fell to his knees and collapsed on top of Radley. The sobs he had been holding back finally wracked his body. His tears slid down his master's blood-splattered breastplate. The only father he had ever known was dead and he couldn't do anything about it, nor had he even attempted. Why didn't he try to stop this? Why did he just watch this tragedy from the sidelines? Surely he could've done _something_ to save Radley. To save _any_ of his friends. Maybe even to save those three strangers from the cruel fate they were being dragged off to. Why did he have to be so _useless?!_

As he sat and wept over his mentor's body, Carlisle dolefully accepted that even if he _had_ stepped in, nothing he could've done would've changed anything. He was barely a fighter and hardly a mage. He wasn't a paladin. He wasn't a knight. He was just a lowly squire. A stupid child. And he was alone.

His head snapped up when he heard a soft grunt at the edge of the clearing. The tall grass parted as a sky blue, white-tipped drake poked its muzzle out into the open, cautiously padding across the camp.

"C-Civira…" Carlisle wiped his nose and meekly gazed up at his master's loyal mount. The dragon-horse slowly approached him, halting right next to the boy as she stared down at Radley. She sniffed his hand, nudging it as if to stir him from his slumber, then she looked to Carlisle with a sad, confused whine.

With a light sniffle, Carlisle gently held Civira's chin in his hands and leaned his forehead against her snout. "I couldn't save him… I… I can't…"

Civira closed her eyes and hummed sympathetically, allowing the heartbroken boy to hold her as long as he needed to.

After sitting there in silence for who knows how long, Carlisle glanced down at Radley again. A new emotion was stirring in his chest. The anger he felt towards Kadia grew stronger, but his mind had grown clear enough to realize that even if revenge was not his best option, there was still something he could do. He was alive and free. He couldn't squander these gifts.

Something had to be done about this atrocity, and by His grace, Carlisle was still there to see it through.

Steeling his nerves, sucking in a deep breath through his nose, Carlisle stood up and marched into his and Radley's tent, hastily packing his belongings and snatching the lantern off its hook. Upon reemerging, he grabbed a twig out of the campfire and used it to light the lantern, leaving the well-insulated pit to burn itself out. He then picked up Radley's sword, gingerly removed the scabbard from the paladin's waist, and slipped them over his own person.

Once he was certain he had everything he needed, Carlisle dropped to his knees once again, bowed his head, and placed his hand on his chest.

"O He who is in Heaven, watch over us in our journey and guide our feet back to Alemore. May the great Aeon Halal lead these servants of the crown to paradise and safeguard their former selves from the powers that be. Please, let their bodies be preserved in glory until they can be returned to their proper resting place. I pray for the continued safety of my people in these times of grief… and I pray for the security of those three young men. Keep them strong in the cruel grip of Kadia, and provide them with safe passage outside the kingdom's gates. Amen."

Before standing back up, holding his breath and his stomach, Carlisle ripped the arrow out of Radley's neck. He stared at the bloody, crystalline tip with nothing short of contempt, wiping it off as best he could before slipping it into his pack. Then he cast one last, mournful glance at his fallen mentor. "We'll come back for you all. I promise."

Having said his peace, Carlisle stood up and mounted Civira, giving the gentle drake a loving pat on the head as he took her reins. "_HYAH!_"

Civira grunted with approval as she began a steady trot into the forest, guided by Carlisle's lantern and the constellations above. The mission to capture a dragon was long behind them. This was about more than crystal dragons now. The Kingdom of Apetus needed to know that war was coming, of which there were already casualties.


	5. The Kenovium Cages

A/N: Wow. I am so sorry about the delay on this one. These are strange times we're living in, folks. School, work, and life in general have me even more drained than usual. But I think my muse has sufficiently returned, so here's the next chapter of this monster. Pray to He who is in Heaven that the next installment doesn't take as long.

Me personally? I make no promises.

Anyway, brace yourselves. This chapter was a rough one.

* * *

**Chapter 5: The Kenovium Cages**

The first thing that Eddy became aware of as he gradually roused from his slumber was the severe discomfort that wracked nearly every fiber of his being. The awkward position he was in, lying on his side in a fetal position with no support to prop his head and neck up, seemed only partially responsible for the dull aches. The ground beneath him was cold and hard, barely warmed by his body heat, perfectly flat and nonconforming to his body. The only part of him that was actually warm for some reason was his back.

A sudden jolt woke Eddy up entirely, prompting him to sit up with a startled grunt. An orange shape in his peripheral brought his attention to Edd, also unceremoniously stirred, sitting mere inches apart. Their close proximity quickly explained the warmth against Eddy's back, and his shock at this discovery was clearly mutual.

Brushing that rude awakening aside, the two looked around, quietly deducing where they had wound up this time.

Metal surrounded them from all sides. Dense metal bars boxed them inside a tight, claustrophobic space. The ceiling was far too close for comfort, reaching a short two or three inches above Edd's head. A flat sheet of somewhat damp wood served as their floor.

"Oh my…" Dread was apparent on Edd's face. He shivered from both the chilling touch of the metal and a deep sense of dismay. Following Eddy's lead, he gazed out beyond the bars…

Their cage was tied down in the back of a moving, open-top cart, currently traveling down the dirt road of a sprawling, less heavily wooded field. Several more cages lined the cart, each of them occupied. Ed was lying in the one next to theirs, sprawled out on his back with his legs propped up against the bars and drool streaming from his mouth, while the inmate in the cage in front of them was sitting up with their back turned to the duo.

Men riding on the horseback flanked the caravan. Upon closer inspection, however, Edd realized that half of the "horses" weren't horses at all. They instead resembled large lizards with powerful legs that supported them from underneath rather than the sides, V-shaped heads lined with sharp teeth and horns of varying design, and dense, scaly plates that covered their underbellies, rather like how one might imagine a wingless dragon. The riders themselves were adorned with gothic plate mail armor such a dark shade of grey that they were nearly black, decorated with garments in matching patterns of red and purple.

"You gotta be _kidding_ me…" Eddy grumbled, scowling at the riders before reaching through the bars to poke their third companion. "Ed. Wake up, Lummox."

"_Aaaaawwwwwnnnnn…_" Ed rubbed his eyes and stretched, seemingly oblivious to the confined space that held him back. "Are we under attack again?"

"N-Not exactly, Ed," Edd mumbled anxiously. "Try not to sit up too…"

_**CLANG**_

"_OWW…!_"

"…quickly."

Ed rubbed his pounding head where he had slammed it into the low ceiling. Once the pain had subdued somewhat, he finally acknowledged the cages that contained him and his friends, grunting with fear and skittering about like a pacing circus lion. "Where are we, guys?!"

"I'll tell ya where we are! Up a creek without a paddle!" Eddy replied angrily as he grabbed the bars and turned his attention towards one of the armored riders. "Hey! What's the big idea?! Whaddya want with us?! We didn't do nothing wrong!"

The rider turned a sharp glare on Eddy and shouted back at him in a strange, foreign language.

Eddy raised an eyebrow at the incoherent response. "The heck did you just say?! No speak da language, buddy! Just let us out!" He pointed to the lock on the cage's door. "_Out!_ You understand _that?!_"

He recoiled when the knight banged on the cage, retracting his arm before Eddy could take a swipe at it. Another foreign insult was slung, then the rider returned to his place among the order.

A knot tied in Edd's stomach as something occurred to him that he hadn't considered before. The language that the knight spoke in was not one that he so much as recognized, and there were no indicators that he understood what was being shouted at him. While Eddy continued to harangue the guard, Edd turned to the cage in front of him, tapping the bar to get its occupant's attention. "Um… Excuse me?"

When his fellow prisoner turned to face him, Edd was struck with another shocking revelation. His first impression was that this person was an elderly woman, with her sallow, wrinkled face, salt-and-pepper hair tied in a messy braid, gnarled frame, and deep, wise eyes. The features that truly struck him, however, were her greenish-grey skin, pronounced forehead, dull-pointed ears, and prominent, slightly chipped fangs that protruded upward from her lower lip.

Edd swallowed the lump in his throat, mustering the nerve to speak to this inhuman woman. "Do you know where these people are taking us?"

The old woman didn't speak. She barely moved beyond a slight drop of her chin.

"Please… If you understand what I'm saying, please say something."

For a moment, she remained silent. Then she adjusted her position, cast Edd a curious stare, and finally spoke, seemingly more so to herself than to him. Much like the riders, the language she used was wholly undecipherable.

Ed peered through the bars, casting a nervous glance at Edd. "What'd she say, Double D?"

"I… I don't know, Ed…" Edd timidly stared back at him. "I can't discern what language she's speaking in."

"Unbelievable…!" Eddy snarled before leaning into the bars and raising his voice for everyone in the vicinity to hear. "Does _anyone_ here speak English?! _ANYONE?! ENG-LISH?!_"

The same knight he had aggravated earlier banged on the cage again, shouting incomprehensibly at the raucous young man.

"Eddy, save your voice," Edd insisted with despair. "We're not on Earth anymore, remember? There's a distinct possibility that the English language was never developed here."

"Then how are we supposed to get _help?!_"

"I don't know…" Edd pulled up his knees and curled up in the corner of his and Eddy's shared cage, his eyes downcast. "Explaining our situation in any considerable detail would be a monumental feat with this language barrier. What's more, even if we _could_ communicate with them, I somehow doubt that these people would be willing to offer their assistance."

Eddy glanced around at the company of riders, scowling and nodding in agreement. "Yeah. And I probably wouldn't want it anyway. So we're gonna escape, then, right?"

"H-How we would even go about that is beyond me! This is different from evading basic predators or navigating unknown territory. We're prisoners of beings with equal intelligence and significantly more experience than us. I…" Edd rested his chin on his knees, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore, Eddy."

Seeing this display of hopelessness, Eddy let out a sigh, sat down against the bars, and stared at Edd from the other side of the cage. "C'mon, don't give up on us now. You're the smart one here. If anyone has a chance at out-thinking these whack-jobs, it's you."

"I don't see how I could. Subduing the griffon, escaping that pit using the dragon fangs… those were _your_ ideas. We've only gotten by as long as we have because of your quick thinking and Ed's physical strength." Edd pulled his frayed hat down over his eyes. "You two have adapted to this world so much faster than I have."

"I've adapted 'cause I roll with the punches! That's how I've always been and you know it!" Eddy held his hands up, showing Edd the scabs and scrapes decorating his palms. "I'm the doofus who made those amulet things go nuts, remember? I have as much of an idea what I'm doing as you do. And hey, your plans have worked too! Drowning the ants, finding shelter, following the eleons, finding those fruit trees; those were on you!"

Ed smiled at his companions through the bars. "We've survived 'cause we're together! We help the party in our own ways!"

"Exactly!" Eddy jabbed a thumb back at Ed. "We all got a role to play, Double D. I might be the street-smart one, but you're the book-smart one. You just gotta stop _worrying!_ Stop thinking about what _could_ happen and start thinking about what we're gonna _make_ happen!"

Edd slowly lifted his head back up, looking between Ed and Eddy. Their words of encouragement were greatly appreciated, even if what was being asked of him would be a tremendous hurdle. "It's going to be difficult to adjust, especially to the concept of magic."

"Hey, you'll get the hang of it. You ace _everything_ you set your big brain to. Once you get a handle on this world and its rules, you'll be able to work out a solid plan, I'm sure."

"Yeah, Double D!" Ed beamed with excitement. "Who knows?! Maybe with practice, you'll become the bestest wizard of us all!"

"I'm glad you think so." Edd nodded once, then looked around at the cages, the riders, and the environment once again. "You're probably right. Escape seems daunting, but it's surely not impossible. I just… need a moment to think."

Eddy shrugged and let himself slouch into the best lounging position he could get. "Fine. Think all ya want. But if I sense any more self-pity, I'm gonna come over there and knock some sense into you."

"Hm." Edd grinned despite himself, grateful to have any kind of backup. "Duly noted, Eddy."

The old woman in the next cage stared inquisitively at the three boys, intrigued by their funny language, curious about their behavior. It was hard to tell what was on her mind, but the way she studied the Eds, practically looking right through them, seemed to imply that she was searching for something within them and fascinated by what she saw.

Sensing the eyes on him, Eddy glanced up at her out of the corner of his eye. "What're _you_ lookin' at?"

The woman grunted, unamused by Eddy's tone. She directed her attention to Ed. Seeing this, the oaf offered her a smile and a wave. "Hello!"

She seemed to understand that the gesture was a greeting, responding with a curt nod. "Avay."

"Ooh, are you an orc?" Ed questioned with a starstruck expression, soaking in her inhuman features. Her clothes quickly garnered his attention, sporting tribal furs, beads and bones. Her body itself boasted similar decoration, with her braid tied around a small bone with withered feathers dangling from the ends, a wide variety of piercings present on her face and ears, and a small, black, vine-like tattoo just barely visible on her neck. "A _shaman_ orc!"

The orc woman rubbed her chin and tilted her head as she scrutinized the boy. She then pressed her hand to her chest, a sense of purpose present in her eyes and tone. "Ushug."

Ed blinked, not quite comprehending what she was trying to say. When she patted her chest and repeated the strange little word, he seemed to catch on. "Oh!" He responded in turn, hand to his sternum, smiling and nodding. "I am Ed!"

"Ayamed." Ushug slowly nodded back. Her firm expression softened as she held her hand up, pointing to her palm before gesturing for Ed to come closer.

"Ooh…!" Ed was tantalized, reaching his arm between the bars and allowing Ushug to gently grab his hand. She held it palm-up, tenderly brushing her fingers along the creases in his skin, studying them intently like they were ancient texts of utmost importance.

Eddy craned his neck and glanced at the duo. "Heck are you doin', Ed? What's the point of getting your fortune read if ya can't understand what she's reading?"

Ed beamed back at him, keeping still for Ushug's sake. "Just lending a helping hand, Eddy!"

"Oh, like I haven't heard _that_ one before."

A soft, airy chuckle wheezed out of Ushug's mouth. She looked up from Ed's palm and into his eyes, a tiny smile spreading across her face. Upon releasing his hand, she pressed a fist over her heart, nodding to him with an emboldened grin. Oblivious but encouraged, Ed returned the gesture with a hearty guffaw. Ushug then turned to the other prisoners, pointing to Ed and eagerly proclaiming something in her native tongue, ending this decree with a wild cackle.

Eddy awkwardly gritted his teeth, unsettled by the madwoman's display. "Uh, yeah, I think I'll skip the palm-reading."

Ushug's uproarious laughter prompted Edd to lift his head. Though he had been lost in thought, he was at least aware of Ed's interactions with the orc, deeming them harmless enough to leave them be. Her positive reaction to whatever she had discovered within Ed, however, caught Edd by surprise. He wasn't one to take stock in fortunetellers, and it was unclear what had her so fired up, but given their situation, it would have been nice to have a native's judgment to defer to. She was in the same spot of trouble as them, after all.

"Excuse me…" Edd sat up, grabbing the bars and drawing closer to the orc. "Ushug?"

The shaman turned back around, meeting Edd's gaze. She quickly settled back down, sitting upright in front of him and nodding respectfully.

Once he had her attention, Edd placed a hand to his chest, cutting right to the chase. "Eddward." Then he reached through the bars and offered his hand. He wasn't expecting to attain any substantial knowledge from this experiment. He merely wanted to see what her reaction would be.

Sure enough, after merely staring at his hand for a moment, Ushug gently cupped it, nodding and grunting with reassurance. Then she proceeded to study the lines in his palm in silence. Partway through, Edd couldn't help but snicker, peeking back at his cellmate through his peripheral. "No snappy quips, Eddy? No jokes about how I'm giving in to the whimsical nature of this world?"

Eddy smirked back at him. "What? Were you expecting one?"

"At this point? _Always._"

"Hey, going crazy is better than giving up, I say. That's what _I_ did."

"Ahh…" Ushug smiled, pleased by what she saw. She patted Edd's hand and looked him square in the face with a fierce grin. She then pointed to his chest, gripped a fist, and murmured something in a highly encouraging tone.

"I think we made a friend, guys!" Ed happily proclaimed.

"A weird friend who laughs like the Wicked Witch of the West, but whatever," Eddy grunted. "I'll take anything at this point."

"Any allies we can find in this outlandish realm are greatly appreciated," Edd concurred, grinning between his pals and the orc woman.

Turning back to Ushug, the Eds watched as she reached into the scraps of hide surrounding their cages, procuring a small bit of white chalk. She then started drawing on the floor of her cage, creating two small pictures, rudimentary but still distinguishable. Once completed, she pointed to the picture of a double helix, then gestured to Edd. Then she tapped the picture of an incomplete oval, then nodded to Ed.

"Wait…" Edd leaned in, shocked by the orc's scrawlings. "Those are two of the symbols from the dragons' chamber!"

"Cool!" Ed bounced in place, already giddily questioning the meaning behind the icons. "We're already part of the lore here!"

Eddy sat up, finally curious enough to get involved. As he gazed down at Ushug's drawings, he realized that the only one missing was the X-shaped symbol. The one on the gold medallion that he had tampered with. If Ed and Edd had some sort of connection to the other two that she was picking up, did that mean…?

Shaking that thought out of his head, Eddy decided to steer the conversation back on track. "Hey…"

Once he had caught Ushug's attention, Eddy gestured in a wide arc to the riders flanking their cart. "What do _they…_" Then he pointed to himself and his companions. "…want with _us?_"

Ushug pondered the foreigner's motions, piecing together what he wanted in a matter of seconds. She crouched down and started drawing again, sketching a series of stick figures. The first one held a sword in one hand and gripped the second figure's arm in the other. The second one had what looked to be crudely-drawn chains linking its arms. The third one held up a small bag and was wearing a crown.

"Huh…?" Eddy grunted with confusion. Ed scratched his head, staring vacantly at the sketches. Edd squinted for a moment, then went wide-eyed and choked on a lump in his throat. Seeing his reaction, Eddy turned to the latter and asked, "What's she trying to say?"

"It's an auction," Edd mumbled. "They're going to sell us as slaves."

* * *

"So where do you reckon those three came from, sir?" one of the Kadian knights asked the captain.

"Peh…" Dwennon glanced back over his shoulder, smirking at their latest find. The three young men were conversing with the orc woman. "With those rags, it's anyone's guess. Even the barbarians in the northern tribes would know better than to dress so scantily."

"I've never heard the language that they speak with."

"Nor have I. Perhaps they come from Vesi. Though what a couple of hoodlums from Vesi are doing in Daear is beyond me." Dwennon had to let out a small chuckle when he noticed the shaman reading one of the boys' palms. The old hag was still at it, was she? What prophetic balderdash was she going to threaten them with _this_ time? Whatever it was, Dwennon was prepared to be entertained.

He heard the elderly orc laugh. He watched as she turned to the other captives and began to ramble madly, "The boy is a dragonheart! His soul is alight with the will of Halal! He will avenge us! He will bring the hand of death upon these fools! _HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!_"

Dwennon laughed under his breath and slowly shook his head at the orc's decree. The rider flanking him didn't seem so amused. "Sir, is this really a matter to be scoffed at? What if she speaks the truth? If the man really is a dragonheart-"

"Merek, Merek, you're being paranoid, my friend!" Dwennon gleefully chided. "The old hag sees nothing. She's only attempting to rile us up. Even if the boy _were_ a dragonheart, all of that magic is useless inside a cage of pure kenovium. It'll dampen even the sharpest of wills."

Unconvinced, Merek looked behind them again, listening in as the orc read the palm of the skinny one. She seemed excited once again by what she saw, murmuring, "Ahh… you as well. A bringer of life."

Merek grunted nervously. "Are… Are they _all…?_"

"Please." Dwennon rolled his eyes. "Three dragonhearts taken down by Apetian paladins? No matter the merit of one's will, without experience, they may as well have none. Now stop your fretting. They're harmless."

Shortly after the captain said his peace, the boy in the yellow tunic started throwing a tantrum again. It seemed the orc woman had somehow revealed the nature of the slave trade to them and he was not especially happy about it. He grabbed the bars and started screaming again in his barbaric language, heedless of his companion's attempts to calm him down, the racket quickly getting on everyone's nerves. Dwennon groaned and waved to the knight riding closest to the lad. "Ector, do what you must to shut that one up."

"Cranky little bastard." Ector promptly whipped out a spear, pointing it threateningly at the young man in the cage. The boy recoiled slightly and ceased his angry chatter, but maintained a fierce scowl, looking the knight directly in the eye. Ector reeled back as if preparing to throw the spear, earning another flinch from all three of the strangely-dressed youths, then simply leaned forward and smacked the spear on the cage. Seeing the rapscallions recoiling garnered a laugh from Ector as he replaced his spear and turned away…

"_HHHCCCCCKKKKK… PTOO!_"

Then Ector flinched and whipped around, staring irately at the spit smearing down his shield. The boy in yellow shot him a smug grin after wiping his lips off, the one in orange grabbed his friend's arm and nervously murmured to him, and both the boy in the green coat and the orc woman laughed approvingly. All of them quickly shut up when Ector reached into one of the satchels attached to his horse's saddle and procured a whip, holding it up for them to see. He pointed to the boy in yellow with a dangerous glare, then led his horse forward, leaving the young man in a proper state of uncomfortable silence.

"You see?" Dwennon mused, grinning at the scene, then at Merek. "They're harmless. They'll learn their place soon enough."

* * *

Come twilight, the caravan pulled off the road and the knights established a camp. Their horses and drakes were tied to posts, tents and bedrolls were laid out, and the process of gathering firewood began.

Edd had spent the entirety of their trip studying as much as he could about the knights, their weapons, their beasts of burden, and their environment in order to concoct an escape plan, though so far his list of ideas was severely limited. At the very least, his curiosity about this new world remained strong, and examining what little there was to see kept his mind somewhat at ease.

From what Edd could tell, all of the knights were human, though there was one fellow he wasn't quite ready to peg in that category. He was an abnormally tall fellow, nearly reaching eight feet in height and boasting an impressive musculature, which he was currently putting to good use as he effortlessly carried hefty chunks of wood into the campsite for the bonfire. On the other hand, excluding one particularly short fellow with long, pointed ears, every other prisoner in their cart seemed to display similar traits to Ushug, but this was harder to gauge through the rows of bars. It really made Edd wonder how many intelligent races occupied this world.

With his chin resting on his knees, Edd stared into the center of the circle the knights formed around the firepit. He watched as one of the knights raised his hand, pointed two fingers at the woodpile, performed a simple yet intricate gesture, and finished with a snap. Just like that, a campfire sprung to life, completely mesmerizing Edd. The incident with the medallions certainly pleaded its case for the existence of magic, but to see another human being utilizing it, even if the spell was undoubtedly minor, was a wonder of a different nature.

"Cool!" Ed seemed to agree with that notion. "Fire magic!"

"Yeah, great, I'm sure that saves them a lotta time spent rubbing sticks together," Eddy grunted less enthusiastically, laying on his side. "Now tell 'em to hurry up and feed us!"

"Eddy, aren't you a little concerned?" Edd warily questioned. "What if that knight holds true to his threat of violence?"

"Doubt it," Eddy responded with an indifferent shrug. "If they're gonna sell us, they're gonna want us in good shape, aren't they?"

"I wouldn't be so quick to assume anything about these men."

"Supper for Ed, Double D?" Ed mumbled, gripping the bars and staring longingly at the food that the knights were starting to prepare.

Edd averted his gaze, rubbing his stomach as his own gastric juices began to protest. "I suspect we will be made to wait until they've eaten, and I severely doubt our meal will be of equal culinary merit."

The time spent waiting for their captors to finish their meal was an unbearable drag for Ed and Eddy. The two watched the knights chow down on what looked to be roast and mixed vegetables with feverish envy, drooling from the savory smells that filled their nostrils. Neither of them said anything, perhaps out of fear that any kind of distraction would only further delay their own dinner. All they could do was dream of steak and pray that those dreams came true soon.

Edd kept his eyes on the ground, straining to distract himself from his roaring stomach and the stimuli that aggravated it. Rather than dwell on thoughts of food, his mind retreated back to the realm of magic. Difficult as it was to wrap his head around the concept, Edd had more or less accepted its existence. He had to wonder if magic was only accessible to natives or if there was any possibility of learning it himself, if only for the sake of adaptation. Somehow, in a way he couldn't explain, he felt deep down inside that there was a chance for him.

He recalled the mental image of the knight conjuring flame. The hand motions involved were just precise enough that he could recall every detail. Feeling curious enough to experiment, Edd found a patch of grass to focus on and raised his hand. Point two fingers, trace two spikes and a swirl, then snap. It seemed simple enough, though whatever mental or instinctual input might have been required remained a mystery. It was still worth a try, at least. He was short on ideas.

Edd enacted the motions. Nothing happened.

He tried again, envisioning a fire where his eyes were concentrating. No dice.

He gave it a third try, straining to will his own body heat to fuel the flame. Not even a spark.

"Are you trying to do magic, Double D?!"

Ed's voice snapped Edd back to reality with a flinch. He turned to face the smiling oaf through the bars. "I am… certainly making an attempt. I feel tremendously out of my league, but I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't pursue every possibility."

"You can do it!" Ed cheered. "Make it so!"

Eddy tore his eyes away from their captors' meal to offer Edd a smirk. "Yeah, Double D! Make something happen! We're gettin' bored in here!"

"Alright, just… just don't pressure me, please." Edd returned his focus to the patch of grass, resuming his attempts at mimicking the spell.

Ushug had been observing quietly up until that point, going unnoticed by the Eds as she studied Edd's motions. She seemed to understand the situation, recognizing that the young man was still untrained in the magical arts that his will was so greatly attuned to. However, despite her curiosity, she eventually felt compelled to speak up. "Ayamed?"

Ed craned his neck to look back at Ushug, answering her call. "Hello!"

Ushug briefly glanced at the other two. Edd's concentration remained unbroken and Eddy kept his attention on him. She turned back to Ed with a stern grunt, pointing to Edd, waving her hand, tapping the bars of her cage, and finally shaking her head.

"Oh." Ed seemed to understand the message, and it left him feeling disheartened as he faced his friends again. Though neither of them were looking his way, laser-focused on Edd's spell, he nonetheless stated, "Maybe this metal is anti-"

_FWIP_

The Eds gasped in unison when, right when Edd snapped his fingers, a tiny flame sprung to life in the grass. It barely lasted a second, the evening dew snuffing it out immediately, but the mental images of the orange tongues of light and subsequent puff of smoke could not be erased. It had taken tremendous effort and an abandonment of the logic Edd was so used to, but for one brief moment, there was hope.

"MAGIC!" Ed pressed his face against the bars, blown away by his pal's accomplishment.

"_Well_ now!" Eddy beamed with pride and gave Edd a firm slap on the back. "Check out the big brain on Sockhead!"

"I…" Edd stared down at his shaking hands with a stupefied, breathless smile. "I really did that, didn't I?"

"I told ya, didn't I? You got this figured out!"

"Way to go, Double D!"

Ushug was completely stunned, her eyes tracing the wispy outline of the smoke from Edd's flame. To accomplish such a feat, even if it was a tiny one, with no experience, within the magic-dampening field their cages created… it was unprecedented. The display of power hushed her up on the spot. After a few seconds, she lowered her head and released an ecstatic cackle. These boys truly were full of surprises.

Looking to the side, Ushug noticed something that the Eds had missed. The boys had assumed that the knights were too preoccupied to noticed Edd's little stunt. The narrow eyes of scrutiny that the captain shot them suggested otherwise. Still, Ushug laughed. Perhaps he was starting to realize what a grave mistake he had made.

The moment of reverie between the trio was interrupted when the captain's voice rose above the knights' quiet banter. He gestured between his men and firmly issued orders, leading one of the guards to stand up, grab one of the pots hanging over the fire, and march over to the cages.

"It's about time!" Eddy grunted impatiently, inching closer to the bars.

"Food! Ed hungry!" Ed pleaded, desperately watching the knight's every move.

"Now don't get overly excited, gentlemen," Edd nervously suggested. "Don't expect a homecooked meal."

Eddy waved him off, salivating as the knight approached them. "I don't care if it's last month's leftovers, as long as it's…"

_SPLURCH_

"…edible." Eddy's rosy dreams of steak were quickly shattered when a ladle of foul-smelling, moldy, meaty slop was plopped right in front of him. Likewise, Edd recoiled and visibly gagged when he was given his own portion, while Ed merely stared at his with vast disappointment.

"What is _this?!_" Eddy demanded, his hunger rapidly fading. "Did they just grind up all the organs they didn't wanna eat and cook it halfway?!"

"That is entirely plausible," Edd moaned, turning away from the horrid excuse for consumables.

"Stinky meat!" Ed complained, and considering this was coming from _Ed,_ that said a lot.

"Sheesh, even Rolf's cooking is five stars compared to this!" Eddy continued irately, absolutely refusing to put the concoction anywhere near his mouth. Edd seemed just as hesitant to give their dinner a try, and Ed and Ushug were choking the stuff down with clear disgust, but Eddy would gladly take starvation over food poisoning, and he was getting _really_ fed up with the people who were reducing him to those two options.

Without a second thought, Eddy scooped up the slop and chucked it at the knight who had delivered it, nailing him right in the cheek.

Edd emitted a startled cry at the sight. "EDDY-!"

"Yeah! Eat it!" Eddy shouted, ignoring his cellmate's protests. "See how _you_ like it!"

The knight slowly, tensely turned around, scowling furiously through a faceful of mystery meat, his body shaking, his hand reaching for his hip.

"Oh…" Just like that, Eddy's bravado shattered when he realized that he was dealing with the same guard he had antagonized earlier.

In an instant, the knight whipped out his spear and thrust it between the cage bars. Eddy just barely dodged aside in time with a yelp while Edd scrambled into a corner and Ed started panicking in his personal cell. Eddy then reflexively reached up and grabbed the spear just beneath the metal tip, beginning a sort of tug-of-war with the guard that culminated in Eddy turning the spear into an awkward angle between the bars until it snapped in half. Splinters scattered to the ground. The tip flew off and landed amongst the pelts that separated the cages.

The act of defiance earned a foreign verbal thrashing from the knight so intense that the spit that hit Eddy's face almost felt acidic. The rest of the patrol was observing the squabble by then, many of them drawing their bows in case the prisoner showed further signs of hostility. The captain spoke up, pointing to Eddy, then to somewhere off to the side. Whatever order he issued, the offended knight seemed feverishly willing to comply.

"Oh, dear…" Before Edd could comment any further, another knight approached the cage and pointed a sword at him, the bladed tip an uncomfortable two inches from his throat. With his eyes on the lad, the knight blindly handed his comrade a key, which was promptly used to open the cage door.

"HA-! _GAH!_" Eddy tried his best to evade his captor and leap to freedom, but the knight quickly grabbed him by the shirt and started carrying him away. "YA JERK! LEMME GO! I WANNA HEAR MY RIGHTS!"

"EDDY!" Edd watched helplessly as he was locked back up and his friend was dragged towards a nearby tree. Nothing he could say would dissuade their tormentors. Knowing this only made what was about to happen that much more painful.

"NO! DON'T HURT HIM! _EDDY!_" Ed couldn't help but beg and plead despite the language barrier, grabbing the bars and rocking back and forth until his cage started to shake.

Eddy continued to kick and scream as he was stripped of his shirt, then pressed face-first against the tree. His arms were stretched out, then tied together so that he was awkwardly hugging the trunk, unable to let go when the knights finally stepped away. The ropes resisted his attempts to snap them or wriggle free, holding him in place as his disgruntled captor readied the whip. Edd covered his eyes with his hat. Ed wailed at the top of his lungs.

At the first _CRACK,_ Eddy's angry shouts turned into agonized screams.

With each subsequent, ear-splitting _CRACK,_ the shrieks intensified, growing more and more repentant and terrified.

The screams didn't even last a minute. The whip continued its horrid song, but Eddy had gone silent.

After what felt like a lifetime, the torture seemed to end. The knights grumbled amongst themselves. The sound of the cage door opening once again finally prompted Edd to open his eyes. He watched with pure horror and revulsion as Eddy was unceremoniously tossed back in with him.

"E-Eddy…!" Edd barely paid any mind to the guards as they locked the cage back up and left them alone. He simply clamored over the unmoving young man, staring in pure horror at the lacerations that thoroughly coated Eddy's back in blood. "Oh God, _Eddy!_"

"Speak to me, Eddy!" Ed bawled, desperately shaking his buddy's arm in the hopes of rousing him. "Eddy?! I-Is he dead, Double D?!"

"N-No… The trauma simply… rendered him unconscious," Edd sniffled, fearing the worst if the wounds were not treated, regretting the events that led Eddy to this sorry state.

Ed's lip twitched as tears streamed down his cheeks. He had entered this realm of magic and mystery with optimism, but he couldn't fathom the cruelty his friends had been put through since their arrival. "I don't like this world anymore, Double D!"

Leaning over his beaten and bleeding friend, hand resting atop Eddy's head, shedding a few angry tears of his own, Edd finally reached the same conclusion. He had witnessed firsthand how unforgiving this land was and how unwelcome they were in it. He couldn't tolerate it any longer. If he had to abandon his earthly mindset to see his and his companions' safe return to their home, then so be it.

"Don't you worry, Ed," Edd murmured darkly, his voice shaking but not cracking. "We're going to get out of here. I promise."

Ed could only think to nod in return before leaning his head against the bars and softly weeping. Edd turned away from Eddy's still form, his eyes downcast with silent fury. He briefly glanced at Ushug, the orc offering him a warm but bold stare. Then Edd tenderly reached into the scattered bits of hide, retrieving the discarded spear tip, wrapping it in a piece of fur before tucking it inside his hat.

* * *

The sun climbed high as noon rapidly approached. The company of Kadian knights had been on the road again since dawn, continuing to haul their captives on the final stretch back to the capital. Most of the barbarians in the cages had long since awoken and received their meager supply of water. All but three.

Dwennon rode alongside the caravan, staring intently at the young men riding in the back. The one in the green coat was curled up in a fetal position, his slumber clearly uneasy. The other two slept close to each other, with the boy in orange resting a hand on his rowdier companion's back. This was where Dwennon's point of interest lay…

It was subtle, barely detectable from even a modest distance, but he could plainly see a glistening silver light flowing from the meek young man's fingertips, seeping into his cohort's skin. The wounds that the little troublemaker had received from his whipping had healed substantially, replaced with fresh, pink skin and minor scabs. Seeing this left Dwennon aghast. Though he had witnessed the boy's spellcasting ability the night before, the captain was unprepared to watch him enact a healing spell of this caliber inside the anti-magic field of his kenovium cell. In his _sleep,_ no less!

His suspicion grew stronger, but he remained stoic. After putting on such a show of confidence and superiority, Dwennon couldn't risk losing face with his troops now. Nonetheless, the coy, dangerous smirk that the orc shaman was giving him only served to fill him with rage and fear. It was taking every ounce of his power not to reach in and wipe that grin off her face.

Putting his doubts behind him for the time being, Dwennon rode his horse to the front with an air of calm diligence. He would keep an eye on the dragonhearts as best he could until they were out of his hair. Once they reached the auction, they wouldn't be his problem anymore.

* * *

Ed's eyebrow twitched slightly as he slowly opened his eyes. His tongue flopped out as he let out a deep yawn, slowly sitting up as much as the cage allowed him. It was another bright, sunny day that they would spend traveling the countryside with the caravan, but Ed was in no mood to admire the weather or greet his fellow slaves. He had more pressing concerns.

When he turned to face his pals in the adjacent cage, Ed was shocked to find one of them in a significantly better condition.

"EDDY!"

"WAH-!" Eddy jolted upright and went stiff with alarm. The hand resting on his back slid off and flopped to the cage floor, its owner still sound asleep.

"You're not all bloody anymore!" Ed cheered, grabbing Eddy's arm to examine his buddy with sweet relief.

"Hey, hey, easy, Ed!" Eddy insisted, wrenching free. "Whaddya talkin' about?"

A joyous gasp escaped Ed's throat as he looked between the two cellmates. "Double D healed you!"

It was taking Eddy a while to clear the fog from his brain. Eventually, though, he started to realize what Ed was referring to. He glanced down at the slumbering Edd, then at his own pink, scabbed back. The memory of the whip tearing into him quickly returned, eliciting a wince, but when he ran his hand over the skin, it didn't hurt in the slighted.

"Huh!" Eddy could think of no other explanation for his rapid recovery, his lips curling into a smirk as he looked down at Edd again. He turned and faced Ushug's cage. The orc woman had clearly been watching the interaction from the start, but Eddy couldn't be too bothered by this, quickly pointing between Edd and his back. "Was this really him?"

The message was clear to Ushug, who promptly answered with a grin and a nod.

"Wow!" Ed beamed with pride. "Double D is learning magic so fast!"

"Yeah. It's a wonder the kid still doubts his own brainpower," Eddy teased, leaning back into the bars as he nudged Edd with his foot. "Hey, Double D! Wake up! We still got work to do!"

"Mmhneh…" Edd stirred only slightly before lazily curling inward a few inches. "Sleepy sleepy sleepy…"

Ed sweetly tilted his head. "Aww, he tuckered himself out."

"Well, he's gonna have to tucker himself _in_ if we're gonna get _out_ of here!" Eddy then grabbed Edd's arm and gave him a more forceful shake. "Sockhead! Get up!"

"Wakey-wakey, Double D!"

"Ohhh…" Edd flinched and finally cracked his eyes open, only to quickly shut them again when the sunlight proved too harsh for his retinas. He gradually propped himself up on one arm, rubbing his tired eyes. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and weak. "I've slept in terribly late, haven't I?"

"Ya sure have," Eddy replied. "Now it's time to get up and get us to freedom!"

Squinting against the light, Edd looked up at Eddy in stark confusion. He hadn't expected such a chipper mood. "E-Eddy…? Are you okay? Isn't your back…?"

"Fine." Eddy smiled and twisted his torso to show himself off to Edd. "See?"

"You fixed him, Double D!" Ed proclaimed. "You used healing magic, I'm sure!"

"_I_ did that?" Edd mumbled raspily, dumbfounded by the sight of the wounds' unnatural healing process that he was apparently responsible for. "How could I have…? HACK-!"

The other two Eds flinched when Edd suddenly hunched up and spiraled into an uncomfortable coughing fit. Ed worriedly reached out and patted him on the back. "Are you alright, Double D?"

"_Huff… Huff…_ My apologies…" Edd wheezed. "I'm feeling… terribly dehydrated."

"Aw…" Ed pursed his lips in a sympathetic pout. "That spell must've been hard work."

"Have these guys given us a single drop of water since they locked us up?!" Eddy grunted, inching towards the edge of the cart to peer down the line of riders. "Where's Sir Meatface? I'll make him give you a dr…"

Ed and Edd glanced at Eddy, taken aback when he trailed off. Edd slowly sat up and leaned into a corner, cautiously feeling the top of his head to ensure his little keepsake was safe inside his hat. Then he hesitantly asked, "Eddy? Is something the matter?"

"I think this is our stop."

Hearing this, Ed and Edd immediately scrambled to the opposite sides of their cages to catch a glimpse of what lay ahead.

A great stone wall rose in the distance, set against the faraway mountains, plainly viable as the woodland surroundings grew more and more sparse. Behind it stretched a second, higher wall with tapered, spire-tipped turrets at every bend. Several tall towers within the walls just barely peaked above them, displaying similar architecture. The straight path that the caravan rode upon made a clear beeline for this mighty structure.

Ushug took a look for herself, scowling with distaste. She glanced back at the Eds, pointing to the approaching city. "Lirrun."

"Lirrun…" Edd repeated in an airy murmur. "I would be fascinated to explore a thriving medieval city this closely if I wasn't so terrified for my life."

"Runnin' out of time to figure out an escape," Eddy stated matter-of-factly. "Got any plans, Double D?"

Edd raised a finger and paused to cough into his arm before replying, "Excuse me. I have given it some thought. My strategy isn't concrete and will rely heavily on circumstances, but it's the best course of action I could construct in my somewhat delirious state."

"Good enough." Eddy sat down cross-legged and boldly looked Edd in the eye. "Lay it on me."

* * *

A drawbridge lowered over a moat, the inner wall's gate was raised, and just like that, the slave caravan had arrived in the city of Lirrun. The Eds looked around with curious but cautious eyes, soaking in their surroundings. The cobblestone streets they traveled down were mostly lined with small, clay tile-roofed buildings of wood and stone, most of which appeared to be shops, inns, restaurants, and other businesses; residential areas were evidently not on their route. The city itself looked to be divided into districts, each one built higher and higher as they ventured deeper in. Towers rose in the distance like great monoliths, and at the very center of the metropolis, a grand castle of dark stone sat upon the highest hill, shining in the afternoon sun, looming above all like a greedy black dragon.

The citizens who traversed the streets sported elegant clothing befitting the upper-middle classes, with the men in comfortable-looking, form-fitting tunics, and the women in flowing, simple-pattered dresses. Many of them whispered amongst each other as they watched the company pass, their tones and expressions ranging from fear to wonder to excitement. Eddy noticed one portly gentleman grumbling to himself as he made eye contact with the shirtless lad, prompting Eddy to stick his big, green tongue out at him. Edd did his best to ignore the people's eyes and look inside the shop windows, internally questioning what sort of wares would be available in a world of magic. Ed watched a middle-aged woman in a puffy red dress approach the cart, then immediately recoil in disgust as if the young man's odor was the most abhorrent thing in the world.

The Eds did not speak a word to each other as they passed through the city. They knew their plan. There was little else to say until the time came to set it in motion.

After what felt like hours, the journey reached its end as the company arrived a large fortress within one of the inner districts. The Eds watched with bated breath as the caravan passed through the metal gate of another mighty wall, where guards gazed down at them from the sentry towers with keen eyes and crossbows at the ready. A massive courtyard rested within, incredibly spacious and disturbingly vacant. The only point of interest was the three-story complex of perfectly angular stone buildings, teeming with even more guards from the towers to the front entrance.

Once the caravan came to a halt, the knights made quick work unloading their prisoners. Soldiers lined up in two rows along the path from the carts to the entrance, each of them armed with speers, many holding large, vicious dogs by the leash. One by one, men, orcs, and a few short fellows of indeterminate race were uncaged, shackled, and forcefully ushered inside by guards. It took only a slight pause or stumble for them to earn a sharp blow from the shaft of a spear, punctuated by angry orders from the imposing guard.

In an act of foolish desperation, one particularly massive orc delivered a solid punch to the side of his captor's head, disorienting the knight long enough for him to wrench free. In almost the exact same motion, he shoved aside one of the spear-wielding soldiers, breaking the line and giving him room to sprint for the exit. The dogs were released on him in a heartbeat, tackling the screaming orc to the ground after only ten steps and ending his attempt in one fell swoop. The body was quickly removed. The bloodstains were covered in sand. No one else considered escaping after that.

The Eds were the last to be removed from their cages. Cold, chainless shackles of a familiar grey metal were clamped to their arms. Aside from some stiffness from Eddy, they showed no resistance, marching down the line at the back of this miserable parade. Eddy glared daggers at everyone he walked past. Edd kept his solemn gaze on the ground. Ed watched Ushug's back, studying her tense, disdainful posture.

Inside, the Eds found themselves in a small, shabby foyer, bearing no decor beyond the wall torches and rusty chandelier. Hallways stretched to their left, right and front, dimly lit and echoing with distant shouts and horrid cries. The soldiers were joined by a man in black, red and purple robes who promptly began a quick inspection of the trio. One of the knights communicated something to this man, and his eventual response garnered shocked reactions. Soon everyone was staring at the three, spinning them around, clicking their tongues and murmuring in curiosity. Whatever the cause for concern was, the captain quickly grew impatient with it, waving the knights off. On cue, they shoved the Eds towards the left hallway, ushering them along while still mumbling to each other.

An equally pitiful-looking room awaited them at the end of the hall. Several large basins of water stood before them, by now half-empty with the rest of their contents splashed onto the stone floor. While one soldier held each of the Eds in place, another ripped their ragged clothes off their backs without hesitation, to which Edd and Eddy finally started to whine in protest. As expected, their complaints fell on deaf ears as they were rendered nude, then forcefully dunked into the basins of soapy, lukewarm water. Be it from the invasion of their personal space, the harsh manhandling of the guards who bathed them, or a long-standing dislike of soap, the Eds' silence was effectively broken as this unwelcome cleaning procedure drew the line.

With that unpleasant process out of the way, the young men were quickly dried and given new attire in the form of plain, sackcloth tunics and sandals. They were escorted out of the room through an adjacent door, stepping into another long hallway. Here, they were reunited with the rest of the captives, still standing in a line, a chain connecting each of them by their shackles. As expected, the end of the chain was promptly hooked to the Eds' shackles, starting with Edd, then Eddy, and finally Ed.

Silence reigned for several exhausting minutes as a soldier marched down the line, inspecting the disgruntled lot and offering them a drink one at a time. The Eds' tongues were painfully dry as they impatiently waited their turn, watching him pour a meager cupful of water into each slave's mouth with envy. When the soldier finally reached them, all three greedily lapped up their share like dogs. The water was warm and somewhat foul, but they were too thirsty to care.

Once preparations were complete, a knight barked orders to the line, and immediately after shouting his final word, the chain was yanked forward and the parade began anew. The hallway led them back outside, where the caravan was gone but the guards remained, watching their every move. The slaves were guided down the road and through the gate, leaving the prison walls behind them as they rejoined the outside world. Though the bustling streets and shops were logically separate from this location, there was a small agora just down the hill where a small crowd was already gathering, and it was clear from the train of soldiers and slaves that this was their destination.

Seeing this, Eddy cast a wary glance at Edd's back and finally decided to speak. "Now or never, Double D. When are we finally gonna book it?"

Edd sighed, looking around and assessing the situation. There were soldiers on horses and drakes flanked the chain gang from a few feet away, spaced out just enough to have eyes everywhere. The dogs were no longer accompanying them, but they were clearly still armed and ready for any contingency. One knight marched a few paces behind Ed, holding the end of the chain. Being at the back of the line had its pros and cons.

Squinting his eyes, craning his neck, Edd examined the agora in the near distance. It was an open space bearing little more than a wide, rectangular stone floor, pillars at each corner, and an empty lot where the visitors kept their horses and carriages. The biggest point of interest was the stage, constructed out of wood and decorated with grandiose curtains strung between the supports and the two nearest pillars, separating the stage and the plaza itself from the barren field behind them.

"Try to hold out just a little while longer, gentlemen," Edd whispered over his shoulder. "We may yet have better luck behind those covers."

"You better be right," Eddy muttered. "I'm already too close to these slavedrivers for comfort."

"At least they didn't take Double D's hat," Ed piped up optimistically.

"That is fortunate," Edd agreed, sparing only a brief glance up at the sole remaining piece of earthly attire he had left. "It's likely that they mistook it for my hair. It wouldn't be the first time."

"Yeah, well…" Eddy scowled at the surrounding guards. "We'll see how useful that slip-up is."

Soon enough, they reached the pavilion and were lined up behind the stage curtain. As Edd had anticipated, the soldiers separated to take up a post in separate locations, leaving only about five to watch the slaves at the back. They heard a knight take the stage and address the crowd, his voice projected as if through a loudspeaker presumably through the use of a voice amplification spell. The chain jerked and the line awkwardly stumbled forward a few feet at a time as the slaves were unhooked one by one and pulled onstage. The auction had begun. It was now or never.

"Alright." Edd looked back at his companions, his expression firm, his voice shaky but resolute. "Let's proceed with Plan 14-A. Ed?"

"14-A! Aye aye, captain!" On cue, Ed tilted his head back and began to shout at the top of his lungs, "_LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN!_"

Naturally, the commotion drew the attention of the five guards as well as a few of the slaves, Ushug included. Edd lowered his head while Eddy simply flinched from the volume.

"_LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, AND WE ALL FALL __**DOWN!**_"

Ed raised his arms, tensing up the chain, then threw his entire body to the ground. The erratic motion threw every other slave off balance, sending them gracelessly toppling over like dominoes until there were none still standing. The guards rushed over to the fallen lot in a huff, ready to restore the order.

While everyone else around him writhed and grumbled, Edd curled inward as if in pain from the collapse –a genuine reaction to some degree– and discreetly slipped his hand inside his hat, retrieving the broken spear tip. After ensuring that no one was looming directly over him, he dug the metallic point into the lock on his shackles and started picking.

One of the soldiers grabbed the back end of the chain, tugging on it and shouting at Ed in an effort to pull the rowdy prisoner back onto his feet. Ed simply flopped around in the grass and laughed like a dope, refusing to stand. When the guard threateningly unsheathed his sword, Ed responded by moving in tandem with the next tug of the chain and kicking the blade out of his hand with a joyful cry of "Tag, you're it!"

Eddy was pulled this way and that as his companions did their erratic work on either side of him. He eventually turned away from Ed's antics to observe Edd's progress. Fumbling with the lock for ten seconds had yielded no results, quickly testing Eddy's patience.

"Yer doin' it wrong!" Eddy hissed under his breath. He stumbled forward and flopped on top of Edd, easily disguising the gesture as a failed attempt to stand up. "Gimme that!" Then he snatched the spear tip and drove it back into the lock, twisting it only a few times before the satisfying click announced that Edd was free.

Edd took a deep breath and subtly retracted his hands, looking to Eddy with eyes full of gratitude. In silence, Eddy got to work on his own shackles, releasing himself in an equally quick and concise manner. Two down, one to go.

Ed continued to playfully kick at the guard, grabbing the chain with his toes and smacking the man's breastplate with it, all while the enraged soldier fumbled to pick up his fallen sword. Seeing his opportunity, Eddy sprung to his feet and lunged at the guard, tackling him from behind and swinging the spear tip in a wide arc. The point dug into the man's cheek, slicing it open in one clean swipe.

The cries of agony quickly attracted the other guards' attention. Two of them rushed to the back and aimed their crossbows at the renegade who had injured their companion. When the bolts started firing, Eddy leaped aside, grabbed Ed, and sent them both rolling to the side and under the loose folds of the curtain. Edd was left alone, propping himself up on his shoulders and locking up in a panic.

He saw one of the knights load another bolt into his crossbow and immediately knew what had to be done.

_Okay. Stay calm. Focus, Eddward. You can do this!_

Edd raised his hand and pointed two fingers at the soldier's quiver. Two spikes, a swirl, then snap.

The feathery fletchings of the quarrels spontaneously caught fire, startling the soldier and sending the loaded bolt veering wildly off course. The second guard stared at the phenomenon in horror for a split second, but by the time he turned back to Edd and took aim, Eddy's hand had already reached out, grabbed Edd by the ankle, and pulled him under the curtain.

"We're good!" Eddy panted, glancing frantically between a stupified Edd and a liberated Ed. "Let's get outta here!"

With that said, the Eds scrambled beneath the wooden platform until they emerged from beneath stage right. They threw the curtain aside, hastily checked their surroundings, and finally leaped to their feet and began a mad dash away from the premises. The slave trade was behind them. Sweet freedom was within their reach.

"RUN AWAY!" Ed cried, arms flailing as he lumbered ahead at top speed.

"We did it, guys!" Eddy hollered with a triumphant grin. "We're home free!"

"Don't look back, gentlemen!" Edd panted, the fear still gripping his soul. "Don't stop until we reach the-!"

_**KRAPANG**_

"_**AAAAAHHHHH…!**_"

An ethereal force struck the Eds from behind with a deafening thunderclap. For a fleeting moment, none of them were touching the ground, their heads spinning and ears ringing as they were lost in a dizzying freefall. Their faces hit the dirt in unison, then they went utterly still.

All too soon, their arms were restrained as they were forcefully hauled upright. Their hearts sank to their feet as they found themselves face-to-face with the soldiers. Tears welled up in Ed's eyes as he realized the world of hurt they were in for. Edd's knees buckled and the urge to vomit stirred within; apologies would only go so far with people who didn't speak his language. Eddy tensed up as he stared at the partial Glasgow smile of the knight he had mutilated, less put off by the bloody wound and more startled when he suddenly recognized who it was decorating.

The wounded knight squeezed Eddy's wrist, forcing him to drop the spear tip. He picked up the bloodied weapon and chucked it into the distance with all his might. He gave the boy a hard punch to the face, his gauntlet leaving an ugly bruise and slight abrasion. Sir Meatface had clearly had enough of Eddy's antics. Irony really was a cruel mistress.

The soldiers were joined by their captain, the group barking amongst each other until the latter laid eyes on the Eds. After scrutinizing the battered, terrified trio for a few seconds, he nodded to the knights and issued them a stern order. Sir Meatface donned a demented, feverishly delighted grin as he and his comrades started to haul the Eds back towards the stage.

Ed looked to his pals, scared for his life, whimpering in a timid, absolutely pathetic tone, "Double D…? Eddy…?"

Eddy nervously stared back at them, his cheek already swollen, his eyes quickly closing as he restrained a furious scream.

Edd could only gaze ahead in complete dismay, the world around him fading as the stage became his one and only path. He couldn't fathom how quickly their circumstances had soured. Couldn't comprehend the terrible fate ahead of them. Once again, they had been whisked away from all that they knew and pulled into a world of uncertainty against their will.

Their one chance at freedom… and they failed.

And yet, the sad fact sunk in that even if they had escaped, they still would've had nowhere to go.

Once again, the Eds felt completely, hopelessly lost.

Upon returning to their starting point, the Eds were not immediately reattached to the chain. Instead, the guards circumvented the line, carrying the boys towards the staircase that would take them onstage. The auctioneer, having paused during the commotion, was once again addressing the crowd. The prisoners they walked past looked to the trio with a mix of pity and disappointment. Ed's eye quickly caught Ushug's, who expressed her own sympathy behind that firm, intelligent, wild-eyed frown he had grown so attached to.

At the bottom of the stairs, the guards hooked individual chains to the Eds' shackles, cuffing their arms behind their backs. Eddy scowled up at the accursed platform, then back at the knight form whom he had developed mutual contempt. "You're sick. You're all sick! I hope you know that!"

"What are they gonna do to us, guys?" Ed cried, squirming in place as if in a last-ditch attempt to escape. "I don't wanna be a chambermaid!"

"I don't know, Ed…" Edd choked up, too ashamed to look his dear friends in the eye. "But I want you both to know that whatever may come, whatever pain we must endure from here on out… I'm so sorry. I let you both down."

Ed and Eddy exchanged somber glances with each other before turning to Edd. "We all messed up, Double D," Eddy sighed. "Don't take it personally. We'll figure things out from here. We always do."

Before another word could be exchanged between the trio, Edd was quickly ushered up the stairs, scrambling in awkward resistance, his heart wrenching as he heard Ed wail behind him, "NO! DOUBLE D! UNHAND HIM! _DOUBLE DEEEEE!_"

A clumsy stumble forward, and soon Edd found himself standing before a company of well over fifty of the city's elite. He looked over the crowd with frantic eyes and shuddering breaths. There were mostly men present with only a few ladies accompanying them, all of them dressed to the nines in colorful robes, doublets, dresses, and corsets. All eyes were on him, and murmurs of intrigue rippled as they studied the young troublemaker.

The auctioneer grabbed Edd's arm, providing impromptu support before the boy's weak legs had a chance to give out. He spoke enthusiastically as he began the bidding, but the onlookers didn't immediately jump on board. Most of them didn't seem to keen on buying a slave with so little muscle. Edd's eyes flicked about as he internally questioned what would happen if no one purchased him.

After a prolonged five seconds, several patrons grunted in mild protest as one man squeezed through the crowd and stepped up front and center. He was a somewhat portly man in a purple and gold doublet, sporting sleek black hair and an angular beard. Once he'd made his presence known, he raised his hand and announced his offer. The auctioneer eagerly awaited a higher bid. None were made. Just like that, Edd had become this gentleman's property.

Edd was rushed offstage and delivered to a man in a simple tunic matching his new master's attire in color. From there, he watched as Ed was abruptly placed in the limelight. When the announcer finished his opening statement, Ed was quick to call out in desperation, "I am not a chambermaid! I am Ed!"

The crowd clearly recognized Ed's potential as a dogsbody and the bids started pouring in immediately. Among the more intense bidders was the same man who had purchased Edd, barking out offers every time someone tried to raise the stakes. Edd crossed his fingers behind his back, praying that his master was successful in keeping the trio together.

Just then, another man stepped forward with an air of confidence. He was a regal man with a long, white beard, adorned in an elegant robe of the kingdom's designated colors and a large, gold medallion. When he boldly but calmly made his offer, the auctioneer became incredibly tantalized. Edd's buyer lowered his head and groaned, but said nothing more. Ed had gone to the white-haired man.

Ed and Edd locked eyes as Ed was carried away. They tugged at their restraints, desperate to reach out to each other one last time. "Double D!"

"Don't worry, Ed! I'll find you! Somehow!"

That was all either of them could say before Ed was pushed ahead and delivered to his buyer's company of knights.

Finally, Eddy was presented. He thrashed and growled like a wild animal trying to get loose, his pupils alight with rage through his prominent black eye. This violent demeanor put most people off, but those closest to the front of the crowd noticed the blood that stained his hands and tunic, making them that much more disturbed. No one wanted a slave so unruly and dangerous.

No one except Edd's master, it seemed, who made a bid the second the floor was opened. Shortly after, Ed's buyer made a counteroffer. Then Edd's made a counter-counteroffer. The two went back and forth for a good ten seconds with no interference, fighting to one-up each other's bids until finally, the white-haired man made an offer that the black-haired fellow couldn't top. Edd's master scowled at the smug, older man for a moment, then averted his gaze and yielded.

Edd remained apprehensive as ever. He was glad that Ed and Eddy would be together at the very least, but the potential tortures this man might've had in store for them was terrifying to ponder, never mind what was going to happen to Edd now that he was being separated. The Eds' greatest strength had always been their cooperation. To lose that, to leave Edd on his own and deprive the fighter and thief of their mage, was an awful thing to contemplate.

As Eddy was dragged past, kicking and screaming all the way, Edd managed to catch his attention and silence his tantrum for a fleeting moment. "Eddy! You two look after each other! Promise me!"

Eddy sucked in a deep breath, straining to look back at Edd as the guard that led him fought to keep him facing forward. "I promise! And you stay alive, got it?!"

"Understood!" Edd nodded, letting a tear drip from his eye, watching as Eddy was reunited with Ed under the observation of their new master's guards.

As the auction proceeded, the Eds barely looked away from each other, even as the groups of purchased slaves grew denser and denser. The man who had bought Ed and Eddy was accruing an alarming number of orcs, including Ushug; a familiar face and a motherly figure to look after the duo, hopefully. While the other lords made their own hefty purchases, Edd's owner obtained a few more faces for himself, but no one's group came close in numbers to the bearded fellow's. The Eds had to swerve and crane their necks to watch each other from a distance, pretending to still be a unified trio for as long as they could.

Time became irrelevant. The auction was over before they knew it. The kingdom's elite reunited with their coachmen to survey their new slaves and bring them home. Edd witnessed swarms of guards surround Ed and Eddy's group, blocking them entirely from his field of view. Then all he saw was the hefty man who had purchased him, sending a chill down his spine that left him completely rigid. At his command, his servants started escorting his slaves into the nearest cart. Edd remained in place, barely registering the event until his master placed a hand on his shoulder and guided him along with the gentlest push he had felt that day.

The next thing he knew, Edd was sitting inside a covered wagon amongst a mixed company of seven men, orcs, and one of those short folk, all of them distant and silent with resignation. Three riders on drakes stood behind them. A fancy carriage sat before them. Edd poked his head out, catching a glimpse of Ed and Eddy's group. They were once again chained in a line and sent marching away. After a bit of looking around, the duo spotted Edd in the crowd. Ed stared at him longingly, his face awash with tears. Eddy's expression was sad but bold, silently accepting their fate. Edd nodded and raised his elbow in the best goodbye wave he could offer.

The wagon jerked and started rolling away from the agora, leaving the dreaded auction and carrying Edd and his new companions towards their new home. Ed and Eddy became little more than specks in the tangled blur of this alien world, which Edd could no longer bear to look at. He couldn't think of any way to save himself or liberate his friends. He had no idea how they would survive at this rate. All he could do was bury his face in his knees and let the cries that had been building for days overwhelm him.

This was his life now…

How Edd wished his fantasies had stayed just that.

* * *

"What're we gonna do now, Eddy…?"

"Dunno, Ed…" Eddy grumbled, his head held low as he and Ed marched up the hill at the center of the line. It seemed like they were being led back the way they came. The guards who flanked them were basically identical to the ones who had kidnapped and tortured them in the first place. What this meant, Eddy could not yet tell. "But we're not gonna stick around here, that's for sure."

Ed looked back over his shoulder, straining to see his shorter pal from this awkward position. "We gotta save Double D!"

"We will, Ed, but we gotta save ourselves first." Eddy spared a brief glance back at the agora. "Double D's smart. He'll take care of himself."

The prison that they had been initially delivered to loomed up ahead. Their new living arrangements, no doubt. Eddy donned a hard frown and exhaled sharply through his nose. "So whaddya think they'll do with us?"

"Probably the stinky jobs no one wants to do. Building big things, cleaning out sewers…" Ed flinched when a horrid thought crossed his mind. He'd seen too many stories of slavedrivers to omit many details. "What if they cut our tongues out?!"

"No way I'm lettin' 'em take my tongue! It's my best weapon!"

The moment Eddy said that, an epiphany came to him. A weapon. Which way did…?

Glancing around anxiously, Eddy suddenly spotted a patch of tall grass along the dirt road. A few blades were bent out of shape. Something tucked within faintly reflected the evening sun.

A coy smile crossed Eddy's face, fading quickly for the sake of maintaining the ruse. He checked his surroundings as discreetly as he could. Then, as he walked past, he slipped his foot into the grass and let the spear tip become wedged between his sandal and the arch of his sole. When he checked again, it seemed like no one had caught on.

A soft chuckle behind him told him otherwise. When Eddy turned around, he was greeted by Ushug. The elderly orc gave the young man a small but knowing grin, nodding once before staring ahead again, looking none the wiser. Eddy reacted with a smirk of his own. He was really starting to like this woman.

Facing forward once more, Eddy smiled at Ed's back. "Just hang in there, big guy. They don't know who they're messing with. We'll show this world what we're made of."


End file.
